Grandchildren sleep over with Brownies and school runs thrown in too

Was dd criticising though or did she feel a genuine concern for her mum going to Brownies in the dark? I do agree though that op should not be scared of dd but maybe dd IS scary. My dd can be very unpleasant at times and had me on verge of tears. 123ish do you need to be scared? Maybe ou could have rang dd and asked her about doing the school run in the ice as you were nervous about it.

I looked after nieces 4 children several times in the summer pre-pandemic and the previous year. First year she bought us a takeaway the second year nothing. I was doing dancing class runs too. No- more I do - think a proper thank you is in order !!! Card n Flowers

I'm not fond of driving in on ice, I will NOT drive others round on ice. There is the problem, right there
👍
That is absolutely the main point
And the fact thst having taken the GD to Brownies, 123ish was then told by her DD she shouldn't have done that!

I'm not fond of driving in on ice, I will NOT drive others round on ice. There is the problem, right there. Should've not driven the brownies bit.

I'm often called upon to do the school run, tea. Not often overnight and morning school run - but I will if necessary. That's not taking the P -- just being a nice Great Gran. Kindness is good.

It certainly isn’t taking the P. Many grans would give their eye teeth for the opportunity. I’m 73 in a couple of week's - I am not a doddery old biddy as muffin seems to imply.

OP seems intimidated by her daughter, and the granddaughter, presumably picking up on that, is also becoming intimidating. However you are only intimidated if you allow yourself to be. Stop enabling them, OP, and stand up for yourself!

muffinthemoo

You're expected to get a kiddie from school, do dinner and bath, Brownies as well, keep kiddo overnight and then take her to school in the morning?

That's not a bit of light granny babysitting, that's taking the P, sorry. That's two days' pay plus a full overnight rate if you're hiring a nanny.

And you're 73!!

I’m 75 and perfectly happy to help out with a school pick up, an after school activity or wherever, tea, supervise bedtime and take to school the next day - not every day obviously but next week D has to be in Manchester overnight and SIL is away so I’m off to London to do precisely that. (GS is 7)
That’s not taking the P I bet lots of grans do similar and on a more regular basis than me.

DH and I have made it clear to AC that we no longer wish to drive in the dark apart from an emergency, we also avoid driving the GC around. The standard of driving seems to have dropped since lockdown, very little left and right indication, combine with icy roads and I can more than understand your fear.
At least you know that if you are asked again you don’t have to go out once you have GC home from school.

I am only mobile with crutches . I live with my DD and also care at times for my 13 yr old GDD with suspected autism . She only lives a 10 minute drive away but when we had the snow and ice last week DD begged me not to go because she didn’t want me to slip and fall. DD is a nurse and sees too often the falls that cause harm to those of 70+.
Your DD should be more caring and put you first .

I thinkyou have to first take responsibilty for your own safety and not be bullied into making decisions which feel wrong to you.. I think I might have done the school run but not the brownies.. and if your daughter and GD aren't happy with your decisions then they can take responsibilty themselves by making other arrangements..

Awful experience. You must be quite shaken. It's so hard when you do your best only for them to get thrown back at you.

It is all very well to state 'just say no' sounds very easy, but I wonder if this is the only time AC has criticised, and if challenged about AC criticism, will the OP be afraid of being limited from childcare? Or will the AC realise they are being unfair.
Hope you can have a constructive talk, good luck.

You're expected to get a kiddie from school, do dinner and bath, Brownies as well, keep kiddo overnight and then take her to school in the morning?

That's not a bit of light granny babysitting, that's taking the P, sorry. That's two days' pay plus a full overnight rate if you're hiring a nanny.

And you're 73!!

I have said it before and saying it again. My husband’s parents lived abroad and my mum lived 200 miles away and was quite old. Both of us worked so we employed au pairs. Do they no longer exist. I was working from home, not common in the late eighties, so my son had me and his junior nanny all day long. I married under the understanding there would be no children as I wasn’t maternal and knew I would have no family to help. After 7 years my husband suggested it was now or no hope as I was 37, a really old mum back then, so I dived in. The only person responsible really is the mother.

123ish. I am afraid your daughter sounds like an ungrateful madam. If you feel uncomfortable about driving in icy conditions please tell her. I am not a very confident driver but have had to do so for many years due to work commitments and living in a rural area so can appreciate your feelings. You were helping your daughter out. I love spending time with my wee grand child but at times I have felt a bit unappreciated by my dil, although she now always thanks me and says how much the wee one loves being with me. Please don't let your daughter bully you and if your gd is not cooperating with you then no treats.

Your daughter sounds very ungrateful. When my kids were small I had no help at all as both sets of grandparents lived 100 and 200 miles away.

She doesn’t know how well off she is.

I would tell your daughter that you no longer feel safe driving your granddaughter. You don't need to go into any detail, just remind her that you are over 70 now and not as confident on the road as you were. Hopefully she won't want to expose her child to any risk.

I'm sure I do lots of things my daughter doesn't approve of but she's sensible enough to leave me to it. Actually she has firmer rules about the cats and guinea pigs than she has about the children.

Red flag. Don’t ever agree to let your daughter become your caregiver.

There always seems to be 2 ends of the spectrum on these

Those who feel that they are unpaid babysitters and those who feel they don't get to spend enough time with their grandchild/grandchildren

Take the middle path

Simply offer what you can do... If you would like to spend time with your grandchild once a week offer that

It is a mistake to see yourself as a babysitter unless you are fulfilling the role of one

As for icy roads, if you don't feel safe, don't do it... This is your decision to make, no one elses

Somehow I can’t get past that she’s afraid of her own daughter! Is this a case of “elder abuse?” It does happen in some families.

Unlike silverlining48 we do see a lot of our daughter at other times, she comes round with the children and we eat together fairly often, at her place our ours. I do feel appreciated most of the time, and sometimes think back to the time when I had four young children and wonder how I did it all by myself with no help and a husband working overseas.

I know how you feel 123ish, I sometimes feel that I am walking on eggshells when I haven't realised that my GS doesn't have his school jumper on under his coat when I bring him back from school, or that my GD has left her homework sheet or reading book in her drawer. They're usually in their coats but I also have to remember their hats, waterbottles and gloves in the maelstrom of children and parents at the end of the day. The mornings are much easier.
Most of the time my daughter is fine and thanks me for my help, but there are times when she is ultra-hormonal/touchy and I know to keep my head down, say only what is necessary and leave as soon as possible!
I don't have the long drives that you have as our school is only a couple of miles away by bus, but it can be pretty exhausting on the days when I do it at both ends of the day and have to wait in the cold for the bus with two fractious children.

i think the simpler and shorter you say it, the easier it will be.
no long drawn out, agonised explanations.
eg, i don't feel confident driving so much now, so i won't be able to continue with regular childcare .

We did years of regular babysitting, childcare, school runs etc etc helping while parents worked - not always easy as we aged - but didn’t see much of them socially as a family, which I would have liked. Couldn’t help but feel a bit taken for granted sometimes.

I think it’s shocking that you’re a little frightened of your very ungrateful daughter.

You need to explain to her that you don’t like driving in icy conditions in the dark with your DGC (who does) so that she doesn’t ask you again. What a shame that it wasn’t made clear that DG didn’t need to go to brownies and saved yourself all that stress. Maybe next time you go to DDs house if that’s possible.

oh dear! I find it hard to read all of this.

why?
cos I am at the opposite end of that,, my eldest ds, (I have two)
no daughters,, dil and eldest ds, have 4 children, so I have 4 grandchildren, I was never allowed to be involved in their lives,
as much as I wanted to be.. allowed to visit and all that, but never allowed to babysit, or care for them in any way.

what sadness some of us have..