Grandchildren sleep over with Brownies and school runs thrown in too

If it’s too much then you should just tell your daughter. Can’t believe she criticised you for carrying out her instructions, I bet if you’d of decided not to take her to Brownies you’d of been criticised for that as well. Be brave and tell her No!

Your DD should have phoned and said "No Brownies tonight" and explained why.

Why were you terrified of doing the school run? Was it very icy? It is a responsibility in adverse weather.

I'm not sure I expected flowers or chocs for looking after the DGC though.

Too much, quite simply too much !!!!!
I hear this sort of thing so often on GN !! How dare adult children be so unkind and insensitive - who do they think they are!? You feel frightened of your daughter that is a red flag you should take notice of- frightened of your daughter, that is absolutely unacceptable. She is critical of the care you give her children ,
so give her full responsibility of her own children!!!
Talk to your daughter , decide how much ( If anything) care you can give.If your DD can't accept that she must make alternative arrangements for her children and pay for it. Be strong and look after yourself. I took care of GC one day a week for a number of years. My DDs were thankful and grateful and both said "Mum your house your rules " They were never critical and it worked well. So many parents have such a sense of entitlement!!! unbelievable. Remember you are doing your daughter a great favour - it is not the other way round. Her children, her responsibility - simply really. Good luck , be brave and do not be afraid of your daughter, she needs a reality check.

Firstly in Northern England the temperature had dropped to -4 C , the pavements and road were icy and my journey to school 8 miles with the Brownies 10 mile round trip. I was nervous re the ice whist transporting a child. Additionally my granddaughter can be quite oppositional to reasonably average requests . Also my daughter has exacting standards so i am nervous that I will perform badly.
You are correct I should not have expected a gift but it is only in hindsight after the event that I felt disrespected for all that I had done. Just no criticism would have been sufficient. There was a petrol cost of course as there always is.

Also my daughter has exacting standards so i am nervous that I will perform badly
Blimey! It sounds like an annual report at work

"I'm afraid I had to give you a Box 5 marking because you failed to use your initiative and decide not take her to Brownies and should have put chains on your tyres before attempting to drive her to school!".

Do not be afraid of your own daughter.

You sound exceptionally nervous. ‘A terrifying experience’? I don’t think you should be doing childcare.

Driving GC about in any weather is a huge responsibility, but in such dire weather conditions I am not surprised your anxiety was at an all time high. Your daughter has no business having ' exacting standards' that she expects you to follow. I fully agree with Callistemon , you should not be afraid of your daughter! She is walking all over you because you are lying down - stand tall and don't put up with her bullying ways !!!! She should be forever grateful for the card you give to your GC ! If she is not and you are afraid of her there is something very wrong indeed! Please put her straight. We love our GC but in our 70s they can be very hard work. You need to set ground rules for you daughter and your GC. I make ground rules to keep my GC safe - to they are made with the knowledge that I know my limitations and are for their safety and my sanity !! My DD accept that.

Care not card !

I dont think chocolates or flowers would have made a difference to the situation, If it terrifies you and you cannot make judgements as to going out in bad weather maybe it is time to stop childcare.

I remember teachers in their 30s who refused to drive to school in icy weather, on main roads, not country lanes. If 123ish feels nervous driving in these conditions she should most certainly refuse to do so, and her daughter can make alternative arrangements for her daughter's transport.

123ish
If you substitute thanks for the flowers etc and your DD cuts out the criticism I don’t think it’s an unreasonable expectation.

^ Additionally my granddaughter can be quite oppositional to reasonably average requests^

Transporting a GC who likes her own way to help a daughter who criticises rather than thanks you, doesn’t sound like much fun.

Probably not what you want to hear, but I have to agree with GSM and Theexwife.
Just say that it’s all too much for you. I’m your age, but having my DGS for a one-night sleepover and school runs doesn’t bother me at all. I’m also in the NE and his school run would be 25miles, but I did it in Covid.
However, are you an anxious character in general? Was it just a one off? Perhaps your DD shouldn’t rely on you, unless in emergencies.

I am not sure if I will ever do this again.

Please quit the school/ brownie run for your mental health.

Germanshepherdsmum

You sound exceptionally nervous. ‘A terrifying experience’? I don’t think you should be doing childcare.

I'd be worried about sliding down an ungritted hill in -5C with a precious grandchild in the back of the car, though.

Mollygo

123ish
If you substitute thanks for the flowers etc and your DD cuts out the criticism I don’t think it’s an unreasonable expectation.

^ Additionally my granddaughter can be quite oppositional to reasonably average requests^

Transporting a GC who likes her own way to help a daughter who criticises rather than thanks you, doesn’t sound like much fun.

I agree!

What kind of requests?
Eg "keep your seatbelt fastened"?

What is the worst that can happen if you dont do it all?

What is your fear that makes you do what you do?

Mind you, I loved doing the nursery/school run and taking the DGD to their after-school activities; the roads are very rural and can be pretty hairy round here!

Sympathies 123ish. The low temperature and icy conditions would have worried me especially with a grandchild in the back. And I havent got grandchildren!!

Such a responsibility and anyone not understanding that shouldnt be driving their own grandchildren. So ignore the snippy comments.
I think you are going to have to stand up to your DD and also GD. Petrol costs should be paid and you should be thanked not criticised. I have 2 DDs and they can be tricky, but they would not behave like that. And if they did, I would think twice about helping out in the future and I would tell them that. Time with your DGD should be enjoyable not stressful.

123ish
I think your DD is out of order for criticising you, you deserve some respect. You need to put down some ground rules regarding looking after GD.
Tell your daughter that if the weather is that bad again you will not be doing these things as you are nervous about driving in such weather. It sounds like this isn't the first time it's happened as you said you are scared of your DD. Stand your ground and dont be DD’s doormat.

Ignore the snippy comments indeed HS. I totally agree with you. My youngest GC are in school now and although I am more than happy to take care of them ( within limits!). and feel confident doing so, I would not want to do the school run in freezing conditions. Children talking / arguing, asking questions is just too much when driving on icy roads , it only takes a moments lapse of concentration for an accident to happen. Stand your ground 123ish.

Assume Flowers and chocolates are a metaphor for a grateful thankyou rather than criticism.
You are not alone 123, I do understand, so my advice would be to not be so available in future, especially in cold icy weather.

Why cannot more grown mature women just say 'No' to their adult children when they make unreasonable demands on them?

If you think that the road conditions are to dangerous for you to drive in, then you don’t go out in them.

Time to say No to your daughter.

Thank you everyone for your wise comments and suggestions . So very helpful for me to see sense.