Second Best

You are indeed fortunate to have the little one for a whole day every week.

It is not unreasonable to feel what you feel. It does seem to be something many grandmothers feel. I am not sure if you could change things or not. For example, is it their decision that they see you less than you would like or do you yourself not ask for what you would like because you don't want to impose. If there is nothing to be done, it is kinder to yourself to find a way of accepting if you can. Self soothe. Be loving to and value yourself. Gently move your mind away when feelings of resentment take over. Be as positive as you can in your thoughts and actions to everyone in your family circle. Not to be some sort of saint But to make yourself happier and more secure. I know it is not easy. Life is full of hard things. But love is never a waste whether for ourselves or others. Good luck.

I have 3 daughters : 2 live in France - the eldest and middle daughter. My eldest, pre covid I would visit 2/3 times a year. My middle daughter, I’m never invited. She never phones. I don’t know what or why? I’ve tried to ask and the question is ignored.
I see my youngest (she lives in Kent-not too far from me in Sussex) frequently although less now her sons are more independent.
The non contact with daughter no 2 is very upsetting

Sssd

I have boys. Im preparing to always be 2nd best.

Not necessarily. I have 2 granddaughters and my DIL fell out with her mum for a few years. It’s not looking like I will be getting any more grandchildren now, despite having five sons but I have always spent a lot of time with the ones I do have.

Sssd

I have boys. Im preparing to always be 2nd best.

Me too.
I have 1 son - so no hope for me.
I would have loved for my Mother to have looked after my son for 1 day a week or even to have babysat for him.
No chance.
He’s now 29 and does not have a close relationship with his Grandparents (maternal).
Quite sad, as he’s the only grandchild and they’re his only grandparents.
Family’s are funny things 😕

Nannyto: I’m very sorry about this and yes it feels unfair. Our son in law takes their children (our grandchildren) down to stay with his parents frequently, but never to stay with us. When we've been away on holiday with both families, we’ve been put in a hotel room a long way from them, and several times there wasn’t room for us at their carefully chosen small breakfast table (!), or they've even organised for us to be in a different house to our daughter and them.

It’s been very hurtful and now the children do seem to prefer the other grandparents because, I think, they see them about 10-20 times as much as us and they babysit a great deal,

But, I don’t know how ‘make it fairer’. Have had my heart broken a few times and now just accept this. And yes, I know that some grandparents would adore to even see their grand children occasionally, but it’s still hard.

My son in laws mother is determined to be the best loved granny in the country (her words, not mine) so we have to be grateful for what we are offered. 🌷🌷🌷

Don't feel like that. Your grandchild will value time with you. All the best.

Totally understand. Unfortunately.

I have a DD who has 2 sons, a DS who has one of each and the baby of our family (31) is going to be a Dad any day now. DD lives abroad so we don't see them as much as we'd like but we're all still close. We do more child care for the 2 here than maternal Nan, they have sleep overs now and then and usually come round one evening each week for dinner and I do Sunday lunch for us all every few weeks. We've taken them all on holiday a few times too over the years. My youngest's future in laws are younger than us so may well do more helping out, who knows. I'm happy that all being equal our new grandchild will have some grandparents around for a good part of their life - I hope to be around for quite a while btw I feel very fortunate with all 3 of their partners, lovely people from nice families, not the case for everyone I know.

I also understand how you feel x

I'm a paternal granny but as both sets of grandparents live about 200 miles from our GC we probably see them a similar amount. I just spent a week staying with them as grandson's nursery was closed for the whole week before Easter and my DiL is a curate so couldn't take time off, so I had quite a bit of time looking after my GS! The other granny is not yet retired so is less available for whole week care. Everyone's situation is different, especially with how far away we live etc but I try not to make comparissons too much. Obviously my DiL is closer to her mum than to me, but we are both included fairly. My DiL's parents have other GC too but they are paternal GP to them so I don't know if they see them less. They also live about 200 miles away in another direction while the maternal GPs live nearer. I consider myself very fortunate to have a lovely DiL whose parents are lovely too and I often see them at family occasions despite the distance. I feel very much part of her family.

Sadly my DH and I come second with all 3 of our DS and DIL. We just bite our tongue. Downside to having boys I feel.

I would like to reassure you about one thing. My mum didn't like my paternal grandmother. However, I can tell you now that I absolutely adored her and miss her terribly.
My heart is warmed so much by memories of the quality time we had without my parents around. She seemed more relaxed and we learnt so much with her.
I do think that you need to say, perhaps, 'I'm ever so sorry but I'm going out this afternoon to meet friends. Could we arrange something next weekend? I'll be free on the Sunday.'
Make it so you regain control and it's convenient, preplanned and you can get treats or resources to craft/bake or whatever.
My grandma never showed her frustration. She'd have loved to have had more time with us. It makes me feel emotional when I look back.

Not a lot to add, except I feel your pain! My son and his wife see far more of that family than mine, same for my daughter! A lot to do with distance- fair enough. But I am a widow now, and spend so much time alone, it does hurt. I just cling to the hope that when they are older, my grandchildren might choose to see me more often. Make the most of that one day a week, enjoy every minute!

As my mil was my children’s only gp. My bill’s in-laws also passed away, but they didn’t try and include my mil very much, which caused her a lot of upset. Shortly before she died she thanked me for being a daughter to her. I was lucky with my in-laws and my children learned a lot from their Gran. I hope to have the same relationship with my dil.

Should say B.i.l not bill

When the parents pick up your DGS after your fun packed day, just keep saying to them "anytime you need a babysitter mind please ask, I will be really happy to help" if you keep saying it I am sure they will take you up on your offer soon.

Families are funny things aren’t they? I would comment that I adored my paternal grandparents and whilst I loved my mother’s parents, I always felt they didn’t really have much real interest in my sister and I, despite the fact we saw more of them. Looking back, it was possibly because we were the youngest of several other GC so the novelty had worn off, as it were! We were my paternal GPs ‘onlies’ for a long time so perhaps it made a difference. We moved away from all of them later so the memories I have of my fathers parents are very precious indeed. My sister provided my parents with GC before I did so a similar thing happened. My children were always compared (often rather unfavourably) with her first two so they have kinder memories of my (ex) husband’s parents, where they were the only grandchildren and they remained close to them until they passed.

Thank you all so much I’ve read all of your comments and they’ve all put everything into perspective for me. I know I’m so lucky to have him for a day and I devote that day to him and we have a lot of fun. I have started to concentrate on my own life as well a bit more so I’m not obsessing all the time about this. I think it’s amazing how much our dear GC mean to us - I have to say before DGS was born it never entered my head I would be jealous of the other GPs!! Ive never been jealous of anyone in my life 😂

Nannyto -- I totally understand how you are feeling. I have decided to be thankful for the time I have with my grandsons and not compare how much the other grandparents see them. Our grandchildren get so excited when they learn that they are coming to see us that they don't tell them until they are in the car. I think it is the quality of the time that we spend with our grandchildren and not the quantity of time that really matters