Really not sure where............... ...

I really think that looking after these boys is too much for you. You're not enjoying it and neither are they. The children could go to after school at nursery. It's time to enjoy your retirement. You've raised your children now its time for days out together. I hope you have the courage to just say you've had enough.

MissAdventure

Sounds lovely.
Would you take on a 61 year old instead?

Any time 😊 But better when the children have gone home 😘

Hello
I also help with grandchildren and have for the last 10 years as my eldest grandaughter is 15 and my youngest grandson is 2
I think the best way through is communication - You need to discuss times and roles. I have always shared with my daughters times and expectations . Some days I am not available as I am on my workshops etc but together we make a plan. We talk about food and diets and the children know what snacks or meals they can have here. The children and I have fights but both parents and children understand they are in a safe environment and can act these out -e.g frustrations from school. Yes they refuse foods but I treat it like a school dinner where they order the day before

My granddaughter uses headphones in my house, my house my rules. If she breaks them, no iPad as I don't want to listen to the rubbish she is watching.

MissAdventure

Oh.. that's made me cry! (Lord knows why...)
Congratulations.

I too send many congrats.. we don’t live that near our one and only grandchild so see him about once a month, but now he’s older we will have him to stay in Summer hols, like we did the past two years.

Having read more posts I see that some afterschool clubs are only until 4.30. Ours went on to 5.45.

We have two GC (8 and 4) here most mornings from 7am and at least two evenings a week until 6.30. They were adopted three years ago and were very fussy eaters initially, but now happily eat normal food. There have been occasions when they didn't fancy what I'd cooked but we and their Mummy have a rule that they do at least try the food and usually they'll eat it. We've worked out a relatively heathy breakfast of cereal or porridge, boiled eggs with soldiers and chocolate milk which they like. Sometimes it takes an age for them to eat everything but we just sit there until they've finished. We don't have to leave for school until 8.15 so there's not usually any rush and less pressure on us all.
In the evening I usually cook them an early supper of food that they like, prepared in advance or cooked in the air fryer: pasta with sauce and cheese, sausages or nice burgers in buns, baked chicken thighs, fish and chips, pizza etc. Every couple of weeks we all go out together to the local Italian for a meal together and they enjoy virtually everything on the menu, having tried everybody's different choices.
Perhaps part of the solution would be to agree with them a list of five simple meals they both like and are willing to eat? Fighting over mealtimes is really so counter-productive.
We don't have their ipads in our house but play simple games with them in the evening, do their reading or straightforward homework, or watch fairly inoccuous TV.
If one of them is rude to us, which happens rarely, we let their Mummy know and she give them a good talking to. They understand that what we say goes, just as what she says goes in her house.
Fortunately her rules are pretty much the same as ours, though we don't have as much screaming, running around and jumping in our house as she does.
My granddaughter did go to breakfast club and after school club in the beginning but it is a very long day and also pretty expensive. She was exhausted by Thursday night so I started picking her up after school for a couple of days at the end of the week. There are children who do this all the time, I've no idea when they actually manage to do their homework and reading.

hello again.

Congrats gsm, lovely news

Waves again to MissA - always good to see yiu.

Sounds lovely.
Would you take on a 61 year old instead?

MissAdventure

Any chance you would take on a 16 year old?

I've had boys up to the age of 15!
Two teenage brothers would come in with their laptops already on Minecraft, holding the plug up ready, sit down and carry on. I'd plonk toast and hot chocolate in front of them. Not a peep for an hour.
Then we'd all go for a walk up the lane, feed the horse, feed the goats, wave at the lorries from the motorway bridge and finish at the garden centre.
They liked mooching round that. Lots of fish, small animals and reptiles, a good shop and café.
I used to give them £10 to get themselves something to eat and drink, they'd sit at a separate table and pretend they weren't with the rest of us 😂
Lovely single mum, always promised to send me a postcard when they emigrated to New Zealand 🤞

Gosh! Thank you! I wish I lived nearer but I accept that I don’t and am very grateful for what I get.

Oh.. that's made me cry! (Lord knows why...)
Congratulations.

MissAdventure

You're a new grandmother?

Yes, just last year. I live some distance away so am not exactly hands on or experienced and everything has changed since the 80s when I had my son! It’s a different world. I go with the flow …

Any chance you would take on a 16 year old?

I look after minded children of similar ages, 6y to 10y.
Some suggestions to improve your situation:

Tell your son and daughter-in-law to enrol the boys in the breakfast club and after-school club.
You take them there at 8:15 and collect them at 4:30 on the days you have them.
That cuts down the length of time you look after them for.
They will also have food there so that removes that problem for you.

If they need to eat at your house they bring their own food each day.
That saves you shopping, preparing and serving food that ends up being refused and wasted.
If they don't like what's in their bags they can take it up with their parents at home, it's not your responsibility.
This is what I do with my minded children.

((Lastly, and not entirely seriously, as your house is so close to their school consider moving... 😂)

For what it's worth I don't allow any gadgets eg mobile phones or iPads. It's well documented that they can have an adverse effect on young brains and from what I hear they spend quite enough time on them at home. That's for you and their parents to discuss though.
Here they like to watch Horrible Histories or Pokémon on television.
We have different craft materials, recently they've been making self-portrait wooden spoon people.
They play in the garden: we have a gravel pit with spades, trucks, diggers and buckets.

Always remember it's your house, you don't need to let yourself be walked over.
Children don't respect this.
Best of luck x

You're a new grandmother?

As a new grandmother I have no idea, but do children of this age have to take an iPad to school? If not, why can it not be left at home and non-tech games, or an appropriate tv programme, be enjoyed?

You both seem like reasonable grandparents.

Since you have them for quite a long time each week, I would be saying to both the grandchildren, and to your son and dil, "our house, our rules".

Then they can either all accept, or not, as the case may be.

You sound like you feel you are put upon by these two children, but not by the others. If there is money to pay you, there is money to pay for official childcare. If they won't eat a proper meal, try giving them raw fruit / vegetables because low blood sugar may be making them irritable.

Very stressful situation,among other parents in GC class there must be a nice Mum who would love extra money to look after the children,why not tactfully suggest trying that 1 day a week as you may be “ booking a holiday soon” so won’t always be available ? The children obviously just want to sit on I pad for hours—— not healthy but if parents say it’s OK what can you do——-good luck

flowerofthewestx2

How ever did our generation manage?? Good lord above. This generation expect so much. I'm lucky that my adult children chose to stay at home and look after their own. I have 5 children and 12 grandchildren. Yes I would have them at times and babysit but I have never been expected to patent them. Why have children if you can't afford to stay home and bring them up.
Sorry I know this isn't helpful. I often see in our tow centre worn out and unhappy grandparents with pushchairs and collecting kiddies from school. Iveven witnessed one ungrateful mother shouting at her mother because the toddler had a bump on its head. I felt like giving the ingrate a bump on her head.
We should be allowed to be grandparents.

I honestly think having them twice a week, an hour and a bit before school and up to four hours after school, term time only, is parenting them!

I barely saw my husband when ours were little as we had three under five and we worked different shifts, he did 8:00-16:00 I did 16:00-midnight with a person sitting in with them for two hours each day.

Dcba

I’m not sure why so many grandparents think it’s a right of passage for their grown up kids to automatically assume that it’s their own parents responsibility to ‘half raise’ the grandkids!

Can anyone share a reasonable answer to this? The basic concept of we raised our children, so now they have their own family, so they need to raise theirs!

Honestly there are no medals for being a a worn out, tired, or stressed grandparent standing at the school gates!

this is spot on, i know the financial constraints on the young are awful and grandparents can help, but in my case it was driven by guilt and wanting to please ,never let them down etc I see a lot of tired stressed grandparents pushing buggies around during the day and at school gates. I know, I'm one of them and the joy that grandchildren can bring is often seen through a fog of fatigue.I see the answer right under politicians noses, attach a nursery to each primary school, simples.

How ever did our generation manage?? Good lord above. This generation expect so much. I'm lucky that my adult children chose to stay at home and look after their own. I have 5 children and 12 grandchildren. Yes I would have them at times and babysit but I have never been expected to patent them. Why have children if you can't afford to stay home and bring them up.
Sorry I know this isn't helpful. I often see in our tow centre worn out and unhappy grandparents with pushchairs and collecting kiddies from school. Iveven witnessed one ungrateful mother shouting at her mother because the toddler had a bump on its head. I felt like giving the ingrate a bump on her head.
We should be allowed to be grandparents.