Really not sure where............... ...

If they’re prepared to pay you, I’d suggest that they look for a before and after school club and pay them.

You don’t say what ages the children are ?
I don’t feel you should be worried when they say they don’t like you or your husband, kids often say things like that when things don’t go their way I also wouldn’t worry if they don’t want to engage or are on their iPads etc, presumably it’s only for a couple of hours after school they may be tired and had enough after a long day
Presumable all your children or step children live nearby so you will get pulled in with 10 nearly 11 grandkids and it’s up to you to say what you can comfortable manage to give whilst being fair to all the parents, but you’ve both got your life to live too

@J52 We had considered saying about this when they said about paying us which had annoyed me - we look after other GCs too and don't take anything from any of our ACs.
But with potentially 3 kids in breakfast club and after school club and still having issues with long days would probably mean this is not feasible for them from the money POV.
SS and DiL both travel for work which explains the early drop offs and 6pm pick ups - but this means that they still have childcare issues as breakfast club does not start till 8.15am and after school club is only till 4.30pm!!

@BlueBelle They are at present 6 and 8 years old and I wouldn't have an issue with the iPads if they used them for educational purposes. But they seem to use them to ignore us (and watch rubbish that they used to watch on TV until we blocked those - think Youtube and other doubtful criteria which their Mum and dad say is okay!!) Although with the wide range of GCs we have - there is a plethora of games, colouring, crafting, books and toys they can do or play. They could even take a football and play on the green as it is right outside our house.
It is funny you say that we have a life too - but we were both saying that retirement is harder work than work itself used to be. But some of the ACs seem to think we have nothing better to do - DH is officially retired as he is of State pension age - whereas I still have a little over 3 years to reach that stage yet but redundancy was a bit of a gift - but I still feel I should be working!! lol!!
But I do understand that children can be little horrors at times and that they say unkind things - which can be hard when trying to stop WW3 breaking out - when I wish I could just switch off.
Right now - one of them is fast asleep and the other is constantly being told to turn his iPad down!! I get that they have a full day at school but they have such a long day and having to wait until they get home to have tea means they go to bed even later - but that's not my problem unless they are grumpy in the morning!!

the other is constantly being told to turn his iPad down!!

Headphones might be an idea.

If the parents are happy with them using their iPads for things you don’t approve of I think you can’t change that in the couple of hours after school You don’t approve of the tv programmes they want to watch but unless you’re talking about stuff that is really not age appropriate I wouldn’t worry too much What is it they want to watch at 4 pm in the afternoon that you disapprove of ?? They ve been at school all day do they really need to do educationally stuff on iPads why can’t they chill out with a cartoon or something

Cant grandad get a ball and take them out to kick it around outside ? Or show them how to make a den sounds like they need some stimulation or you get them cooking with you, boys often love cooking My adult grandson used to love making stuff in the kitchen and although hes a big outdoor worker with muscles like a wrestler now he is a very good cook
Or just take them for a walk it sounds like they are bored
I remember playing football in the alley with my grandsons and they thought I was very good 🙃have some fun with them and they might look forward to coming to stay more

I suspect it is not an issue of whether you are paid or not! It seems to me that you should only do as much child care as is comfortable for you. It is bad enough that the children seem unable to communicate with you or eat meals you provide or are constantly on their screens but that combined with you doing too much child care is simply not reasonable. I am sure G . Netters have ' heard' this before from me and I make no apology for bringing it up again!! People become parents, and need to understand that GPs offer childcare on their terms! GPs are doing their AC a massive favour it is not the other way around!!! I ' hear' so often on here " ask the parents what they want , it's their decision". IMO that only goes so far , of course I would never make a huge decision without consulting my daughters , I would always check before taking them any distance. However day to day care in my house is my domain, I make 'rules ' that ensure I can keep my GC and me
safe , that way the GC and me are happy . I am fortunate in having DDs who trust my judgement and the children understand that when they are with us they play by our rules - it works! My DDs are thankful for what I can do , but I would not do more than I am comfortable with - and three days a week for me would be a very big NO!!

@Baggs This has been suggested already and we know they have them as they had bought them for both Christmas and Birthdays - think they are a bit heavy-handed with them as they have both had two new headsets each!! and that's just from us - the other GPs have bought them too!!
We have some here but if they cant be careful with things that are used by all the GCs - they will keep being told to turn their iPads down!! The first time they borrowed them - they tried to take them home so they settled their own issue there!

Poor children these days. Totally exhausted by the demands of school, navigating differing rules in differing environments.

I hear you about not pandering to fussy eaters but some leeway possibly?

As for not liking an adult, children say all sorts of things and a fragile ego is not always helpful. Perhaps a more "no nonsense" attitude might help?

I think you must put your foot down. Enough is enough!
Other parents manage to find ways, flexible working etc, to manage childcare.
You must make it look too easy!
Make a joke of it. Say you are both thinking of going back to work or genuinely enrol for something which takes you right away.
Maybe they would get the hint?
You could even suggest they employ someone to do the school pick up or whichever you are finding hard.
I agree with BlueBelle that saying they don't like you is not to be bothered by. It's probably affectionate and being tired after school is normal too.
Have a break you are but when you return tell the parents exactly what you are prepared to do!
Good luck.

@Bluebelle given that their parents already allow them to play games like Minecraft and the like plus have the ACs have admitted using the screens as babysitters - it is hard to break the habit - neither do I want to police everything they watch. It's almost a relief when the iPads run out of welly as they are forced to find something else to do or fall asleep!!
DH has mobility issues so playing football is just not going to happen. I have tried all kinds of things , got in things that are age related, one of them is really good at art and asked for how to books on drawing cartoon characters. I will even sit and play games with them but then one will invariably cheat or lose which causes a riot. Arggh!
They both play for football teams so know all about fairness and taking it on the chin when they lose. But obviously different rules apply here or they go out the window!! lol!!

Why not sit down together and thrash it out? (Not literally!)
Get them to say what they need, and you say what you can do, and take it from there.

I am rather glad you are not my grandparent! Do you actually love those children? You seem to look on them as a hindrance put upon you by ungrateful family, rather than a blessing. I agree that you should not be used, that is your problem and one you need to address, so I am not concerned about that. No, what concerns me is the fact that you are so cold about the children.
I’m not surprised they don’t want to visit. Think about it….. at home they are allowed to do certain things but when they visit you, you take those privileges away, because you don’t agree with them! When we started to look after our beloved grandchildren we decided that we would be guided by what their parents did with them. Therefore, although they used to have some extra treats, (we were grandparents, after all, and allowed to spoil them a little bit), basically they had the same treatment from us as they had with their mum and dad. That meant they knew where they stood and our daughters knew the children were being brought up as they wanted them to be. Result? Happy daughters and happy grandchildren!
They are all grown up now, aged from 16 to 30 but still love coming to visit me. Our houses are about 8 miles apart so it’s easy. I am widowed now but we all still chat about when Granddad was here and the great times we all had together.
It was never a chore to have them, just a delight and I treasure those days. I am told that they do too.

It doesn't seem as if you get on well with these children. Perhaps refuse to watch them until after your long holiday, if then. Let the parents sort them - they sound like slightly difficult children.

Children today don't want to play football, go for walks, sit on a bus, go and feed the ducks.
Miss perfect (i wish!) my daughter, loved all those things but old grumpy pants, my grandson looks at me as if I'm mad if i suggest those things.

It’s so difficult, isn’t it swampy? But, you have to be straight and honest with them. Along with the other grandparents, we practically brought up the older 2 GC (now 21 and 22). Then, 8 years ago, my youngest son and his wife had their first. Son and d.i.l. mentioned that d.il. intended to go back to work after maternity leave and were hoping I would help out a day or two. Bearing in mind, besides looking after the older GC, I was also working part-time. I politely said that the only help I would be able to offer was ‘baby- sitting’ if they wanted a night out etc. I just couldn’t commit. Bearing in mind, I was much older by then, I felt I was justified. I had done my bit. (Btw, I don’t think GPs should be paid to look after their GC). My son and wife are highly paid professionals and I felt no guilt. The conversation was awkward but I think they understood. I still baby-sit occasionally.
Re: the apparent hostility towards your DH, I wouldn’t take that to heart. They are only 6 and 8. It’s just a phase.
Another thing - I have always told my AC, my house, my rules. I love my GC and am very generous, but I don’t pander to them where dinner is concerned. They both have the same .

Games like Minecraft that allow for exploration and creativity can be good for learning. They stimulate critical thinking, problem-solving, and systems thinking (learning how things work together
I think Minecraft is considered very educational

Yes boys of a similar age will fight and cheat ( as do girls) with board games
I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong but I do think you might be expecting too much and your family are probably expecting too much too

@shelflife You are right in that we should only do what we want to do in terms of childcare and it only really started when DH was on long term sick before he retired. It was the odd afternoon to begin with and gradually more and more bits got added in.
Another GC is with us part time three days a week but these are easier as the day starts at 9 or so and have activities planned like playgroup or swimming so I got to mix with other GPs doing the same thing and the day finished earlier. If rotas were changed, I could usually fit it in but still never did more than the 3 days as DD said it wasn't fair on us.
But Nursery has now been added in so a day has been dropped with further changes due in September but school/nursery pick ups are on the agenda for us then so one afternoon will be our time with these GCs as they do Rainbows etc.
@zakouma66 @Grammaretto
I do think these boys are tired - they don't seem to have enough sleep. Various family Whatsapp groups usually include pics them falling asleep when with aunties or other family so maybe its not just us!!
However, we did talk to DH's DS as he was nearly an hour later picking them up - so with no snacks they will have been ready for their tea. He was not happy with the conversation or his boys - we mentioned that the boys must be happy about where they are being looked after - and this was important to us. We know that kids say unkind things and can usually work around these things.
If that meant they DS and DiL changed their working hours or jobs -then it needs to be done - as we potentially have another six years of this.
We will not do it particularly if they will influence their sibling to behave as they do now. It isn't acceptable!
DS looked panicked as I don't think their jobs are that flexible and to see childcare disappear will cause major problems for them. For this side of the family we are the only ones retired with a degree of flexibility - maybe that flexibility is our problem and we need to address that.
We did have some messages this evening, in which the DS and DiL were not impressed and had addressed the boys behaviour and sent a recorded apology which I feel really should be given in person. We will see if that happens or not.
Thank you for all your responses - will discuss them all with DH with a brew and much needed cake!!

A recorded apology?

dear me, they are a couple of little boys.

I wouldn't put too much store by their cheekiness, playing on iPads or saying they don't like your DH. I know that's easy for me to say but this really can be fairly typical behaviour from children. Although I'm in no way minimising the hurt or anger you must feel and I don't blame you.

What I do think is that you are being taken advantage of and I think the hurt and anger stems mostly from that. If I was you I would suggest to the parents that they pay for wrap around childcare. If they have three children then they must take responsibility. They can't keep reproducing and assume you will pick up the flack.

I repeat I think your expectations of these two small boys is way more than can be achieved by them after a hard day at work

But I think ALL your children are expecting too much of you
you seem to be doing a lot of childcare for them all and I suppose what you do for one you need to do for the others
So go away for holiday and leave them all to make other arrangements

If you no longer wish to look after them during term time because it’s all a bit much, sit down with the parents and discuss it.

At 6 & 8 they are still quite little, school can make them quite tired and being with you should be a nice experience for both parties.

Why not ask parents to provide snacks for them, in their own lunch boxes, which they can open and eat when they want. It’s a long time to go for little tummies not to eat.

All of our children were “fussy eaters”, we did “pander” to them. They are all grown up now and eat more ir less anything other than our autistic daughter.

BlueBelle

If the parents are happy with them using their iPads for things you don’t approve of I think you can’t change that in the couple of hours after school You don’t approve of the tv programmes they want to watch but unless you’re talking about stuff that is really not age appropriate I wouldn’t worry too much What is it they want to watch at 4 pm in the afternoon that you disapprove of ?? They ve been at school all day do they really need to do educationally stuff on iPads why can’t they chill out with a cartoon or something

Cant grandad get a ball and take them out to kick it around outside ? Or show them how to make a den sounds like they need some stimulation or you get them cooking with you, boys often love cooking My adult grandson used to love making stuff in the kitchen and although hes a big outdoor worker with muscles like a wrestler now he is a very good cook
Or just take them for a walk it sounds like they are bored
I remember playing football in the alley with my grandsons and they thought I was very good 🙃have some fun with them and they might look forward to coming to stay more

I completely agree. It’s a sad situation, but not really that onerous if it’s term time only and school is only a few minutes away. It’s really only a few hours before and after school and only twice a week.

I just think maybe OPs “rules” and parents rules are way out of sync and as such they all need to sit down together and teach some mutually acceptable happy compromise. At 6 & 8 all these little lads are going to think is their living grandparents don’t like them as they are not allowed to do the things they can do at home and not allowed to have food they like!

Reach! Not teach