Changing diapers

This is actually just a general question and not an issue in my family. I see it come up in mum groups all the time that grandma is pressuring them that she wants to change baby’s nappy and they are perplexed/feel uncomfortable with the insistence. It’s not a matter of the parents not changing nappies in a timely fashion. Grandma just keeps asking to change baby’s nappy and they find the insistence odd. Same with baths.

It then becomes this awkward cycle of the parents feeling uncomfortable about the pressure and grandma being upset about them saying they prefer to do it themselves.

Nappies. Not diapers.

Mama2020 we have had grandparents on here (I think grandmothers) who want to be allowed to bathe their grandchildren and change nappies. I think mainly they are in some way reliving being a mum and think that doing this personal care helps the little one "bond" with them.

Personally, I think the more eager to "help" they are the more odd it sounds! I'm certain it's harmless.
I think they want to recreate that closeness they once had with their own children.

If I were the mum I'd find it really annoying.

I would add to my post up thread, I can't imagine making such a request to change a nappy, it's not a particularly pleasant task, just a necessary one, that wouldn't bother me if asked, only if asked to look after baby. Maybe things have changed in the last ten years.

I think NotSpaghetti has probably identified the reason some grandmothers seem to want to do this. If parents are happy, then it's not a problem, but if not, they should just back off! Most grandparents don't want to change nappies- only if needed.

nanna8

Nappies. Not diapers.

Surely if the OP is American she can say diapers if she wants to? After all, we understand diapers and she obviously understands nappies, so what is the problem if we all use what comes more easily to us?

I have changed DGCs' nappies from time to time, but I do not ever volunteer to take DD's dog out and pick up after her!

Goodness knows why anyone should object to you changing your grandchild's nappy? The only reason I can see for a parent objecting to a grandparent, or anyone else for that matter, having a problem with it, is if they think the person changing it might sexually abuse the child.

Why would anyone want to bathe GC or change nappies?

Bizarre ! Love my GCs to bits but have no wish to retrace being a Mother again . That said, DGD had a habit of emptying her bowels numerous times while in my care when small. Of course I cleaned her each time , who wouldn't ?
My lovely DIL thought it hilarious !

Quite happy to pass the parcel when it comes to changing nappies, I only do it if I have to because there is no one else 😁

I agree with NotSpaghetti about the grans reliving their motherhood days, my DM is only really happy when there is a baby around. I think she finds it stressful communicating with adults other than a bit of chit chat but young children and babies don't expect rational conversation.

AreWeThereYet and Farmor - I'm not bothered about changing and bathing babies/infants. I feel like I did a lot of that over the years with our 5 so maybe am "mothered out"!

I'm happy to do it if the little ones are here but I'd certainly pass on it. I love watching them splash about in the bath/pool/paddling pool but am not desperate to be "in charge".

I know that my own mother loved "baby's bath time" though. She'd say, "oh, has she already had a bath?" in a slightly disappointed voice". It used to annoy me no end as it isn't really a spectator sport!
However, my mother had wanted a big family but only had me... I think that's why she was totally besotted with mine.
I confess I was grateful that she lived too far away to be more "hands-on" helpful.

I have noticed this need to "play mother" in one of my friends. She says she's "helping" her daughter in law.
I doubt it - but maybe she is?

🤷‍♀️

I don't mind changing nappies but wouldn't do it if the parents were around.
I used to look after two of my grandchildren while parents worked so nappy changing was necessary.

Germanshepherdsmum

Strange question. Obviously from the US again.

Are Grandparents from the US not welcomed here?

Wouldn't it just seem that if the question isn't one that you are interested in, or have no helpful information about, that you would just skip it? There is no need to make pejorative comments.

100% totally had this in my family. I really think that it is fine to just let the parents be parents, and if they have the desire to change the baby all the time then it should just be understood as what is normal in their relationship with their child.

I have four daughters and they all had kids at the same time. I was overwhelmed with all the different rules for each family. I got in trouble a few times for various honest grandparent mistakes for which I was called out for.

I was never good at settings boundaries with my own mother, so when my kids began setting boundaries, I had to get up to speed.

Setting boundaries and actually saying the words is helpful. I have also set some boundaries about what I am willing to do or not do. My daughters were a little taken aback when I had a few boundaries about my time, but since they had already set boundaries about things it was easier for me to do the same without animosity.

There are so many parenting styles maybe your daughter or son have a particular style. It is always helpful to understand their style. I actually had to read up on Gorilla Parenting,
Original Montessori, Cry is Out, Home Schooling, ETC.

Good Luck, just read the room and go with their flow.

If my step-daughter was about to dish up dinner or otherwise quite busy or we were looking after our GS, these would be the only times we changed nappies, though I often fed and bathed him.