My DH cannot understand why I'm upset

It could easily have been a mix up as to who was going to tell you, the new parents thinking that their parents would have and they thinking the new parents would.

It can be upsetting to realise that you are not as important to people as they are to you.

Jump in your car and deliver the stuff with a big smile.

Many congrats xx

They are brand new parents and probably won't have been contacting other people. It is your grandson's parents who should have told you.. I would accept that your GChildren didn't deliberately ignore you, and as Cossy says just go and visit them with gifts and hugs..

I'd give them the benefit of the doubt, especially the new mum.
Agree with the above poster it should of been your son/daughter to let you know.

Give your son /daughter a ring, congratulate them on becoming grandparents, ask about the new family and ask when's to pop in a present etc.

Can you get in touch with your grandson or his parents? Just to say only just heard and thrilled about the new baby. Then you can ask questions about when, what sex etc and know whether to visit with gifts.

How is your relationship with the father of the child?

That is key

I can understand why you're upset, exD, but I can also imagine a mix of excitement and tiredness might well cause confusion about who was going to tell whom. Perhaps your DH feels that same.

There is good advice upthread about what to do next.

Congratulations on becoming a great-grandparent!

Sad to hear, especially as you live close by. Strange not to hear from the new grandparents either. No wonder you feel upset. Seems no one’s been talking or keeping in touch with you.

My hairdresser told me I had a new great grandson so I know exactly how you feel Exdancer. My son doesnt have anything to do with me but my grandaughter the new mother was very close to me in fact she was very special so I was dreadfully hurt. I contacted her by messenger to say how pleased I was to hear the news and asked about the baby although I did know his name and that it had been a difficult birth thanks to the hairdresser but I made no mention of this other than I had heard about his birth. I had a short reply thanking me and saying she was doing ok and baby was lovely and she did put lots of love and hearts which reduced me to tears. I have crocheted a blanket for the baby and am sending it together with a card this week. I am hoping my grandaughter will send me a photo of the baby as I would love to see him but I am not pushing further, I’ve done my best.

Thank you Celieanne86 you are right, my son or grandson should have contacted me. I have sent a message to my granddaughter i Law (my grandson is the father Highthere), and she has sent me some photos. I didn't want to phone in case the baby was sleeping.
(but I still don't know WHEN the actual birthday was.)

Could you ask your son? Or your grandson?Does she think you already know?

I remember when I had my last baby, we told our parents and they dished out the news to family while we was faffing with breastfeeding, Midwives calling in etc

I told my mum when my GDs were all born....I think any 'blame' does not lie with your GD in law .... It would never have crossed my mind to contact my DPs GM when I had my babies ....I mean I liked her just fine....but she was just too far removed from me to consider her ....just assumed others would tell her...which they did

Oohh - I'm not blaming anyone, just feeling a bit left out and having a moan with people who would empathise because they're not connected.

i'm with your husband

I completely get why you are upset - I would be and very hurt that I hadn’t been told. But if I were you I would ask if you could pop round with your gift and have a peep at the new baby. Don’t upset yourself any further, it could just have been an oversight. Congratulations on becoming a Great Grandma.💐

Oh, ExDancer, I feel bad for you! You definitely should have been kept in the loop, but by whom? You are doing well by having a gift ready, but I would have a word with your son or daughter (the grandparent) that should have kept you up to date.

Maybe a family chat group or facebook page to keep everyone abreast of the news?

Congratulations, and I hope you get to see the new baby soon.

I understand why you are upset ExDancer but I would just ride it out, leave the gift or mail the parcel to let them know you are thinking of them. Having a new baby is overwhelming and a new mother will forget to cross all her t's and dot the i's, on top of forgetting the whole painful birth experience! She probably needs a lot of rest and time to bond with her demanding child.

I can understand how you feel but what I don’t understand is the lack of communication both ways. Has grand daughter in law split up with your grandson? Usually with new babies there is a lot of excitement all round from early on. Did you never enquire about mum’s health and how the pregnancy was progressing? Maybe they thought you weren’t interested. Communication is key. Sorry if this sounds tough but the relationship sounds off. If you now want to be involved arrange to go round at a convenient time (I wouldn’t just turn up) and admire your beautiful great grandchild. My grandma said baby’s bring love so I hope this works out for you and going forward you have a good relationship.

I think this was a case of all those concerned thinking someone else had told you.
Send the gift and a card and don't dwell on the feeling of being sidelined, you weren't.

How did you find out about the birth. When was the baby born . It should have been your son/daughter who informed you of your great grandchild being born as the new parents would have been too busy to do this.

Rather than cause a fuss, just ring your son/daughter and tell them you had heard from someone that you are a great grandma and ask for all the details.

I would feel very upset but you need the full facts first before going in guns blazing as it could have been such a simple error.

ExDancer

Thank you Celieanne86 you are right, my son or grandson should have contacted me. I have sent a message to my granddaughter i Law (my grandson is the father Highthere), and she has sent me some photos. I didn't want to phone in case the baby was sleeping.
(but I still don't know WHEN the actual birthday was.)

Sorry, missed the follow up comments. I still do not understand why your son or his wife did not tell you about the birth.

I would be upset too but maybe contact the new grandparents and congratulate them and ask for details re new baby. Tell them how pleased you are to have a great grandchild and pop around with the gifts, which I'm sure will be gratefully received

There's been quite a strong movement in recent times where new parents want to be the ones who share any news or photos of their new baby.
So other family members don't, and then important relatives can be left out as seems to have happened here unfortunately 😥

Exdancer it's good that you've messaged your granddaughter-in-law yourself and she's sent you some photos.
Hopefully you'll see this little baby soon 🥰

The other relatives normally do the cascading of the news once baby's arrived, in my experience. Sounds like there's been a breakdown in communication, nothing more than that. Sorry you were disappointed by finding out late. Hopefully you should all get to touch base soon?