Cake situation!

Some people, usually pompous one, have a way of cutting through comments and situations, like a knife with their behaviour and comments usually deprecating. I would just grey rock them i.e. Oh, that's nice. Really! Gosh! So they don't anything to hook on to and, if you are at a social event, keep a wide berth and speak to anyone who looks pleasant. Sadly, there is one of the pompous people in many situations we find ourselves in. You only need to look at some people in the media.

Just guard your privacy and don't share anything negative about yourself in future.

Making self depreciating comments with humour is something many of us do, but there are some people you just cannot do that around because they will take you literally and class you as inept, meaning she probably thought she was saving the day in buying a cake.

Im afraid that we have to save our self deprecating humor for those we have mutual love and trust for and with.

Wow! That lady has problems and you are very gracious indeed!

In my opinion the whole episode was seen as her problem and was dealt with very skillfully.
I’m sure you’re right. She’ll do similar again or bring it up etc. It’s because she isn’t as secure as she makes out, I would guess.
Pat yourself on the back when she does. You are the more secure and appropriate person!

Well, I don't think that we should stoke social divisions, as they are nonsense.
However, if it helps, you may smile to think that many doctors traditionally looked down on surgeons, who were regarded as 'trade'.
Maybe his wife needs to find people she thinks she can look down on - sounds like you have her measure and won't play her game - good for you!

@Carenza123
That was some time ago when I thought there was some hope of a good relationship, but that ship sailed a couple of years ago. But am getting good at smiling whilst grinding my teeth and tbh her husband is a really nice man, so all is not as dire as it could be. Am not sure why she feels everything is contest, I could never compete with her lifestyle, is probs true that she does feel jealous because her precious son married beneath him, and because he gets along so well with us.
I any case will paint on a smile and be civil when I see her. X

A wise person said to me once when I was young and very nervous of one of the bosses at work: "When they're being pompous and superior, just look at them and listen, but imagine them having to sit on the loo like everyone else".

Rise above it!
But it reminds me of when D1 was on her gap year and working in JL. I only found out the night before her birthday that she was expecting to take a cake into work the next day and I just threw one together with what I had in the cupboard, resulting in an OK sponge, nothing exciting.
A month later was D2’s birthday.
This time I was prepared and bought a Colin Caterpillar from M&S.
From D 1 I got “I only got a sponge you’d made, SHE got a Colin Caterpillar” and from D2 - “I only got a shop cake while SHE got a homemade one”.
Can’t win!

She's obviously one of those people who just has to go one better. You can't beat someone like that - and reacting to it is probably what she wants. As others have said, this is one of those situations where you just have to bite your lip and rise above it.

Babs I love ELR.

Oh dear! This woman is a relation by default! As all have said, your daughter and sil have a good relationship. In future, though, please do not put yourself in embarrassing or demeaning situations like the invite to her tennis club.

Rise above it - be the better woman. Silence is golden.

You have to rise above this ignore her. She just sounds shallow, besides Homemade cakes always taste better.
Does she really have "good friends or does she just splash the cash into other people's lives?

Your DD understands, if you fuel the fire to much, it will put a strain on her marriage.
It sounds like you have a good Mother Daughter relationship that's more important than this silly woman, who is probably a bit jealous, you girl "stole" her son.

If I were you, I wouldn’t mention ‘cake’ again, and certainly pass no comment on her bought one unless she specifically asks what it was like.

‘Least said, soonest mended’.

Please concentrate on the occasion- thr birthday this time and do not start the ego granny war of who is best.

It is not worth it.

Sorry to hear this clash of the cakes. So curious to know where she bought her cake from?

Perhaps your honest disclosure was interpreted as being willing, but worried about making a good cake. She probably judged you on her own standards (people often do, but their standards are different) Then put herself in your shoes and thought you might be as bad at baking as she is. She might have meant well. Probably best not to downplay your abilities in front of this type of person.

It's annoying. Your cake was what they really wanted and all she really did was make herself look silly and overbearing. Try to ignore it and be confident, your daughter and family love you.

@Tuaim,
Oh there have been other incidences like when she invited me for drinks at her tennis club. I was really looking forward to it, even bought a nice outfit from Marks. But when I arrived she was with her own little clique and I was promptly and rather pointedly ignored whilst they chatted about people and situations I knew nothing about. I also nursed a sparkling water the whole time whilst they bought drinks without asking if I wanted another. So much for drinks in the plural.
Afterwards she even said she would be dropping in at her friends house so could I make my own way back.
A complete and utter waste of time that made me feel ill at ease and unwanted.
I never told my daughter or SIL, my husband agreed it would just fuel my daughters dislike of her MIL and vice versa.
But if anyone ever watches the reruns of ‘everybody loves Raymond’ the mother Marie is very like her, though not to look at.

Ha ha will keep the image of shoving a cream cake in her face when I see her end of the month, at least I will keep smiling.
😂

Callistemon213

Just smile 🙂

Even if you want to shove a cream cake in her face.

😂😂

Just smile 🙂

Even if you want to shove a cream cake in her face.

A however from me. Keep a mental note of any behaviour from your SIL's mother in future to see whether the cake incident was a one off or if further 'incidences' occur.

bite your lip to keep the peace! have a lovely time

thankful that your sil adores your daughter

I'm sure it rankles, it would rankle with me for sure, but please don't allow it to become an ongoing issue in the family. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your DD and SIL so don't let anything get in the way of that.

It sounds like MiL is used to doing things her way and being Queen Bee and you've put her nose out of joint a bit. I agree with others who say put it out of your mind, put on a smile and just be your usual self.

I would try and put it behind you.

Correction - an architect design their house

She won’t bake a cake for her son, they will book an expensive restaurant for all of us, always have done. They move in different circles to us, her hubby is a surgeon and they had an architect ensign their house.
Tbh I think she has always considered our daughter as ‘not good enough’ for her son.
He is a lovely man, however, and adores our daughter, despite being from a working class background.