Older grandparents

My sister didn’t become a mother til her 40s. By that time she had built a career, had a solid marriage and owned her own home. There are advantages of people waiting til they’re older to have children. In my view some people become fixated on being grandparents because they’ve got not much else in their lives and they’re wanting to work through mistakes they made with their own children.

I'm 63, will be 64, 8 weeks after my GD 1st birthday. I guess we will have to seize every moment. x

I didn’t have my daughter until I was 42 and she’s 25 now. She says she wants to have children by the time she’s 30, so I’d be early 70s by then.
Hopefully that will mean I see them grow up. She’s lost all her GPs now which makes me a bit sad and I never knew either of my grandfathers who died young. My grandmothers were in different countries so I didn’t see much of them so in effect I grew up without GPs.
I never thought I’d have children, let alone grand-children and I’m excited at the prospect of being a gran.

I had my son at 37. He’s now engaged and 36. I am just hoping that I make the wedding. His fiancé is almost 40 so unlikely to have children. I am not energetic enough at 73 to take care of a grandchild. I can’t bend down etc.

I was a first time grandmother aged 36 My DS and DDiL hadn't even had their first child at 36. DDiL was 38 when our first DGC was born. My children were both in infant school when I was that age.

I was in my mid 20s when I had my 2 oldest DC and 40 when no 3 was born, strangely all 3 were 31 when they became parents.
DD has never lived nearby since Uni and now she her DH and 2 of my DGS age 17 and 15 live in Spain so I only actually have time with them maybe twice a year. Their paternal GPs live about20 mins away from them so they do have that support as a family.
DS1 lives nearby with his lovely partner and our DGS age 13 and DGD 11 and we have often had them for sleepovers etc and do other things together.
DS2 and his equally lovely partner live fairly near and he works with us in our small family business so he's stuck here with us most week days, bless him. He recently became a Dad to our beautiful 4 month old DGD and everyone is delighted to have a baby in the family again. She visits with us a couple of times a week atm as Mum is still on maternity leave, and I look after her for an hour or so to let her Mum go to the gym, but of course her Dad is here anyway working.
I'm 72 now and realise that as she starts to crawl and then toddle I'm going to find keeping up with her more difficult but I sure will try. I hope to be here for quite a while yet but realise that seeing the youngest grow up, especially if they have another in a few years, is unlikely and I'm so glad that their maternal GPs are in their late 50s so hopefully will be here for them all for many more years.
We have lovely times together, they all come to us for Christmas dinner and those nearby often come round for Sunday lunch or BBQ in the good weather or we go out somewhere for lunch or diner to celebrate birthdays etc and we have had a few great holidays together over the years.
Sadly my Dad died only knowing 1 of his DGGC and she was very soon sadly estranged. Mum, knew her and 3 of the boys, including my oldest who was born 6 months before she died. There's now 16 of them and my parents would be so proud of them all, we think of them as their legacy - not a bad one to have

I am 77 and have four grandchildren eldest 10 down to 3. Being recently retired when the first came along my son informed me I would be the main carer for my GD whilst they were working. I had to put him right on this 😆, told him that I was only willing to do one day a week - which I have done for each grandchild. It is getting harder and more tiring as I get older but thankfully I’ve been told there will be no more grandchildren.
I sometimes feel envious of my friends who are now welcoming great GC. Most were working themselves when their GC were young.

It makes me sad when I think about not being around to see my DGCs growing up. It’s like enjoying a story then the end being missing. That’s life though.

I was a first time grandmother aged 36 and whenever I took the baby out people assumed I was the mother and I had plenty of energy she is now 30
My youngest grandson is 6 and he now has the old grandma I get down on the floor to play with him and have trouble getting back up I also look at him and wonder will I see him into adulthood, something that never crossed my mind with my first, and I must admit it sometimes brings tears to my eyes

I had my 1st child at 20 , my 2nd at 21 and my 3rd at 22. I’m 71 now and have 5 grandchildren. Two DGDs of 19 , two DGSs of 17 and last but not least a 12yo DGD .
I live 100 miles away from 2 of them but DGS has just passed his driving test and within 2weeks he brought his sister and her baby ( GGS1) to visit me . So I’ve not been forgotten. I’ve lived with DG number 2 for most of her life and have recently been on a cruise with her . DGS number 1 is 17 with his own car so I don’t see much of him these days as he’s off out with his mates . I do still mind my 12 yr old DGD a few times a week as she’s recently been diagnosed with autism, she’s a school refuser but doesn’t like to be home alone . Her parents are hoping to get help to get her back to school in the new term .

But those of us who do not live near our grandchildren also do not care for them or see them often.

We only live 200 miles from grandchildren, but that precludes regular care, but DS and DDiL made sure we saw them all every six weeks or so, and I thought how to relate to them. To be honest, getting down on the floor and playing with them never appealed to me, even with my own children. I got bored very quickly. My skill was talking to them, discussing the wonderful workings of nature and the mind and reading to them.

Whenever DGS comes to stay, he is 14 now, I still read him 'The Haunted House' with illustrations by Alex Piencowski, before he goes to bed, complete with frightening voices. Of course we are now both knowing and complicit about the reading now. But it is special to us.

If you are a gran on Gransnet, then you have a reasonable level of intelligence, use it and your creativity to find ways to build up a relationship with your gandchildren that matches your talents and capacities. there is not definition of the perfect grandmother that we must struggle to attain. Our relationship should be built ob who we are (age, fitness, capacity and personality and who are DGC is.

Relax.

Im 68 i recently stopped child mindminding my 2 year old grandson as another baby arrived.I was exhausted doing it, it didn't help that i have long covid.All the people i know around my age say the same , whacked! i know that i will not be able to look after 2 of them when mum returns to work.....

M0nica

eddiecat78

The hardest thing is when you are late 60s with grandchildren but also still caring for your own parents

Yes, that must be very difficult. Thankfully my father was independent and mentally fully functioning into his 90s, so it was only uring his last illness and three monhs in hospital that I had to care for him.

Absolutely I cared for my late husband for 11 years and hardly ever saw my only grandchild as a result. (My husband was chair bound and could not be left alone) Once you get in to that pattern it never changes or certainly has not done for me, despite having been widowed for the last 10 years. She is now 23 and at Uni doing her second BA. I am so proud of her but miss being part of her life.

I was 58 when I became a grandmother, the same age that my mother was. Sadly she died at 88, just two weeks before her first great grandchild- I hope I live to see mine!

Dcba

A close friend who half raised her eldest grandson and then her twin grandsons because he daughter returned to work at around 8 weeks obviously probably spent the best part of 8 to 9 years support her daughter so would have been a very integral part of her grandsons lives and had an extremely close bond with them day in and day out during that time.

Fast forward to today….at least 12 years on ….and she lives alone in her retirement flat in the same town as her daughter and son in law still live in…..her grandsons have long since grown up and left home and she relies on her daughter for updates about them as they very very rarely stop by to spend time with her. I think this is a lesson we should all learn to accept……being an integral part of your young grandkids lives is no guarantee it bring them any closer to you in your old age! It a sad but true fact and as grandparents we must learn this lesson …..not hold expectations……and not get upset!

Its fine not to have expectations...but people can't help how they feel...if they are upset then thats a valid feeling ...may not change anything I agree
I would be ashamed of my 3 if they didn't keep in contact with my mum ....they were raised better than that...DS 1 lives in Canada...he still whatsapps my mum at least weekly and will always visit when he's back in the UK

A close friend who half raised her eldest grandson and then her twin grandsons because he daughter returned to work at around 8 weeks obviously probably spent the best part of 8 to 9 years support her daughter so would have been a very integral part of her grandsons lives and had an extremely close bond with them day in and day out during that time.

Fast forward to today….at least 12 years on ….and she lives alone in her retirement flat in the same town as her daughter and son in law still live in…..her grandsons have long since grown up and left home and she relies on her daughter for updates about them as they very very rarely stop by to spend time with her. I think this is a lesson we should all learn to accept……being an integral part of your young grandkids lives is no guarantee it bring them any closer to you in your old age! It a sad but true fact and as grandparents we must learn this lesson …..not hold expectations……and not get upset!

I also in my late 60's but I too never had my children till my 30's,uni,travelling,living abroad etc....my own children are same. I only have my granddaughter 2 days a week,love it but I'm shattered looking after 2.5 year old who is also autistic. Her half brother is 11 so at school. Looked after him as 3/4 year old and I do find it much more tiring no
w but....would not change it.

I wanted to establish my career before having children. Ours were born when I was in my early 30s. My daughter had our DGD when she was 24 and DGSs all before she was 30.
I was 53 when granddaughter was born and have been involved with them regularly since.

Babs03, What are other GPs experience?

I had our first at 17 second at 19, third at near 30, fourth 32 - our GC were born when I was late 30s until now. My age has never affected our GC apart from the most recent in our late 70s. Now we are on holiday more.

We've seen the first many graduate University, marry have children. The last few who knows what will happen, University is expensive, trades earn better wages - perhaps they won't attend? Nothing to worry over.

DH had first GC at 72. His ambition is to live long enough for GS to take him to the pub and ((legally) buy him a beer. It is hard to think that we won’t see him as an adult, but trying to build as many good memories to leave him with while we can.

I’ve just gone 75 with 4 GC (12,11,10 and 9) and to celebrate this birthday I did a zip wire down Ilkley Moor (bah tat) accompanied by my 12 year old granddaughter. It was a great experience and ( God willing) I might go again with the 11 year old next year and keep going until they have all enjoyed the experience. It’s very bonding🤣

Both my parents died when I was young, so never got to see any of their 9GCs. My DfiL died shortly after our 2nd sons 1st birthday so never got to meet our 2 younger kids, my MiL was with us until our youngest was 13, but died the day before the birth of her great gd. We’ve taken the view to enjoy every minute we can with our 2 Dgds the eldest is 9 and the little one is 18 months.

Neither my parents nor DH’s were involved in grandparenting our children as we never lived near enough to them, but thought they did have other GC living round them I don’t recall that they were ever as actively involved with them as we were with ours. I was 61 when our only grandchild was born, and still working. I retired so that DD could go back to work and I looked after him two days a week. DH retired a year later and we both continued to look after him for those two days until he left junior school. It was hard work as he grew up as he was a very active child, and we did an awful lot with him, but we were both very fit and, gosh, it was fun. I’ve often wondered whether it would have been quite so much fun if another GC had come along at a later stage. It’s easier when you only have to concentrate your energies on one!

My MIL had my OH when she was 20 ,we had our children young too so she was a granny at 42 and a great granny at 65 she was fortunate to know 4 of her great GC well into their teens and the one who arrived in Covid time for just 2 years She used to say my daughter was like another daughter to her and a friend she could share everything with.Today we went with our almost 5 Year old for her first day at school …she’s the 5th of our 6 and the only one whose great gran wasn’t there on the first day at school and she was missed

eddiecat78

The hardest thing is when you are late 60s with grandchildren but also still caring for your own parents

Yes, that must be very difficult. Thankfully my father was independent and mentally fully functioning into his 90s, so it was only uring his last illness and three monhs in hospital that I had to care for him.