DIL obsessed with healthy diet for child

I think that the problem is, in NJAPF's own words, is that she was looking for someone to agree with her.
If you post something and ask for responses, then you might find, as has happened here, that most people do not agree with you.
Might that not cause you to reflect on whether you were, in fact, not right here?
Was this not the lady who, understandably exasperated, " tapped" her little one on the bottom. She was seeking agreement for her actions and, again, did not receive it.
If nearly everyone disagrees with your behaviours, maybe you might wonder whether a change might be needed?

I hope son and DIL cut you out soon. Good grief having to deal with you.

I think this is a bit mean Nononsense - but I admit I'm grateful I didn't have to deal with this grandmother as a mother-in-law.

None of my 5 children had sweets and mass produced sugary things until they were "out in the world"
My mother thought we were "mean" and she would ask me every time we saw her "can she/he have a biscuit yet?"
Years later they all enjoyed Granny's biscuit tin and Grandpa's ice cream. Three of them have children now. Only one allows these "treats" for their young family.

Your time will come OP. Do as you are asked.
Be patient.

No one year old needs ultra processed sugary foods. I’m with team DiL on this one. Yes, they can be harmful as well as unnecessary.

The girls were strongly advised to “make friends” with MIL, your life will be much easier.

I did that and had a good relationship with my MIL. Initially she was annoyed at me for stealing her beloved son, the eldest of eight, who paid all her bills. I had to work very hard at it!

However, I would find it impossible to be friends with the OP, who obviously dislikes her DIL.
I feel so sorry for the son, who is stuck in the middle.

We had 3 daughters my wife was very conscious of potential conflict with MIL, the girls were strongly advised to “make friends” with MIL, your life will be much easier.

They all did just that and have had very successful marriages, being a “friend” means compromise on both sides and you will be surprised how much influence mothers have on sons.

Notjustaprettyface You all missed the point that once in a while , it couldn’t do any harm

But the key point that is causing the problem is NOT the potential harm or otherwise the child's health being impacted by the food! It's the fact that you are ignoring what the childs parents want for their child. THAT is why you have this problem.

No love YOU missed the point about not giving her unhealthy snacks. Once or one hundred times doesn't matter. You were told not to do something and you are so pig headed, went ahead and did it behind their backs and doubled down on being right!!!

She's going to lose her grandchild, DIL and son because she's so pig headed. Then she will come on here in a few months asking what she's done wrong, how she can't see her grandchild and having a sook because her son and DIL have stopped talking to her. Honestly she's doing it to herself at this point lol
I hope son and DIL cut you out soon. Good grief having to deal with you.

No-one is being nasty, just realistic. Because the majority don't agree with you, doesn't mean we think we are perfect, we certainly are not.

I cannot understand why anyone would jeopardise their relationship with their family in this way.
I wonder if there are other issues going on.

Notjustaprettyface

Well , thank you all for your very unpleasant and nasty comments
Gosh ! I never imagined people could be as nasty as that
It’s a wonder I am still alive after all this shooting down
It must be nice to be as perfect as you all are
Sadly , God didn’t make me like this
You all missed the point that once in a while , it couldn’t do any harm
That is common sense
Yes I was hoping you would agree with me but it wasn’t to be
I wish you well with your wonderful healthy GCs and even more wonderful DILs
I will now close this debate

What do you think?
What would you do ?

Yes I was hoping you would agree with me

You did ask and unfortunately we didn't agree, so I do hope you can have a rethink and not jeopardise your relationship with your granddaughter.

Don't give your child biscuits or sweets – ask family and friends to do the same.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/babys-development/teething/looking-after-your-babys-teeth/#:~:text=Sugar%20and%20tooth%20decay&text=Lollipops%20and%20sweet%20drinks%20in,likely%20to%20cause%20tooth%20decay.

It's not easy to find a dentist in some areas now.

Thanks Allira; I think of it every time I visit my dentist, and it is so true.

When my GS eats at my house I try to cook as healthy a meal for him as I can and he’s 17 ! None of us need sugary snacks especially small children.

You had lots of replies, but only 1 person thought you were right. Your thought of giving up seeing your granddaughter once a week because your DIL doesn't want you to give the child sweet foods seems drastic, and makes you sound like a petulant child.

Notjustaprettyface

Well , thank you all for your very unpleasant and nasty comments
Gosh ! I never imagined people could be as nasty as that
It’s a wonder I am still alive after all this shooting down
It must be nice to be as perfect as you all are
Sadly , God didn’t make me like this
You all missed the point that once in a while , it couldn’t do any harm
That is common sense
Yes I was hoping you would agree with me but it wasn’t to be
I wish you well with your wonderful healthy GCs and even more wonderful DILs
I will now close this debate

Thank you for the good laugh this evening. 😂. Common sense? Common sense would tell you that when one is caring for someone else’s ONE YEAR OLD child
You abide by their rules. Your whole argument of “once in awhile” being fine misses the mark because it presumes your opinion on that matters. Allow me to assure you it doesn’t. You have zero say in how they parent their child. And given all the other
Ongoing issues with your adult children and their children I would strongly advise that you remember this. That you’re seeing, caring for, being a part of THEIR children’s lives is a GIFT. And as such best to look after it as such and do only what the parents allow. You’re well on the path to fall out and in the end the loser then would be you.

Notjustaprettyface

Thank you indigo 8
My thoughts exactly
The word self -righteous is spot on
Thank you

The parents decide what is best for their child, we can have an opinion but we can’t over rule mum and dad 👍

This is what most sensible grandparents would say and that is not in the least self-righteous

I wish I had looked after my teeth
eazybee - A reminder from Pam Ayres

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth,
And spotted the perils beneath,
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.
I wish I'd been that much more willin'
When I had more tooth there than fillin'
To pass up gobstoppers,
From respect to me choppers
And to buy something else with me shillin'.
When I think of the lollies I licked,
And the liquorice allsorts I picked,
Sherbet dabs, big and little,
All that hard peanut brittle,
My conscience gets horribly pricked.

Thank you indigo 8
My thoughts exactly
The word self -righteous is spot on
Thank you

When we babysit our two year old GC or 14 month old GC we have the snacks left out for us that we can offer. Baby rice cakes and crispy puffs, all made without sugar or salt, and plenty of chopped fruit in a Tupperware container.
Wouldn’t dream of providing a sugary or salty snack.
The parents decide what is best for their child, we can have an opinion but we can’t over rule mum and dad.
Don’t risk a good relationship with your son, DiL and GC, over this.

Actually it does matter. The mother has said no sugary snacks, and for some reason children, when given one, infinitely prefer it to a carrot stick. So she will demand sweet things. The lack of sugar in her diet is forming her tastes; when she is older and more independent she will get access to sweet things, think she has a sweet tooth but generally discard them after a few bites. I have seen it happen with dentists' children, with young diabetics and with children on strict sugar free diets. They also end up having good teeth.
I wish I had looked after my teeth.

On offer at Waitrose

Spread and everything! Really?
I'm off to look at Tesco website.

Of course, I'd hide it from the grandchildren.

Allira

^I wouldn’t let the poor thing have the Biscotti biscuit that I was given with my coffee^
Not even a dear grandchild would get my Biscotti biscuit.

I still remember the look on her little face . She’s pretty obsessed with all things Biscotti these days; there’s so much choice! Spread and everything! Mind you, she’s the one that introduced me to the cafe which used to make her favourite bagels with cream cheese and salmon, something she introduced me to!

the single biggest reason for young children being admitted to hosp and undergoing general anaesthetic is for tooth extraction.
most of these are first teeth.
young children do not go out and buy tooth-rotting substances with their own money.
they don't even go to and fro school by themselves.
i often see adults picking up children from school and immediately giving them confectionery, biscuits, and to the child in the push-chair too.
and ignore the wrappers thrown on the ground.
or, as they would say, the 'floor'.

I wouldn’t let the poor thing have the Biscotti biscuit that I was given with my coffee
Not even a dear grandchild would get my Biscotti biscuit.