DIL obsessed with healthy diet for child

I don't know what a calippo is, but if your DIL has said no, you shouldn't give it to your granddaughter.

My children were brought up vegetarian, but there were several older people who thought we were being OTT, and that they knew best. They didn't.

We wanted them to avoid all meat products as they were born in the early 90s, when BSE was at its height. My mum thought it was 'ridiculous' (ie too much effort) to check things like biscuits for gelatine, and one school dinner lady told my son that it was ok for him to have turkey dinosaurs if he picked the stegosaurus, because stegosauruses (stegosaurii?? ) were herbivores.

It's really not ok to overrule parents on things like this. Frankly, I think being lost and deeply upset is a massive over-reaction to being asked to respect a mother's choice to do as she feels best by her children.

Repeat after me - This is not my child. If it is too difficult to obey the mother’s rules, however misguided they seem to you, then don’t look after her. You really have no alternative!

It is not your child and you have to respect your DIL's wishes. Whether you agree or not, if you want to see your grandchild, you need to abide by your DIL's wishes.

I don't think feeding the toddler an ice lolly was a good idea! There are plenty of healthy snacks that you can give.

Thanks for your help doodledog !
You missed the point about it being a maximum of once a week

Honestly I wouldn't fall out over it...just go along with the mothers wishes .....find out what snacks she is allowed and give her those as treats

Granny Somerset
Then I won’t look after her
This entitled generation should not expect any help with their kids if they think they know best
And by the way they don’t !

I think is what the OP is referring to.

I respect my DIL and DS ´s choices of what they want their child to eat etc

Unfortunately, you haven’t respected their choices. You were asked not to give any sweet treats and you went against their wishes. They now don’t trust you. If you want to put this right you’ll need to apologise then respect their wishes in the future.

So rather than respect your DIL's wishes, you are prepared to deprive your grandchild of being with you?
I hope I have misinterpreted this.

Parents today are more informed than we ever were!

Notjustaprettyface

Thanks for your help doodledog !
You missed the point about it being a maximum of once a week

It doesn't matter if it is once a year.

And I am trying to help. You risk being told you can't look after your grandchildren if you keep this up. You clearly resent looking after your grandchildren (from this and other threads) and think that you know better than their parents and the posters you keep asking to back you up.

Parents do know best. They are the generation bringing up their own children, just as we were in our day. They may change their minds about whether they were right or not in time (bringing up children is a long road) but today they know best.

Why are you asking us? If we tell you you're right it won't make the slightest difference to your DIL, any more than being told randoms on the Internet said that turkey dinosaurs or gelatine-containing biscuits was ok would have made me less furious that I was being ignored.

You have two choices - do as your DIL wants, or stop looking after the grandchildren, but if you choose the latter, you have no room to complain when you want to see them and are refused.

Why would you give a 19mo an ice lolly anyway? I have GC aged from teens down to toddlers and I don’t think I have ever bought sweets for any of them. It’s not necessary. I do now give the youngest ones ice poles with their parents permission, because they are allowed those at home.

To say you won’t look after your GD anymore is cutting off your nose to spite your face.

What is your dilemma or fear? Way to make this about you when it is not at all

The issue is clear: do not give child that you did not give birth to and you clearly were told to avoid sweets

What is so hard to understand?

You are lucky your son and dil still let you look after her once a week - keep this up and this privilege may go bye bye

Marydoll

I think is what the OP is referring to.

I wouldn't give one of those to a 19th month old.

More especially, I wouldn't insist on them having sugary snacks if the parents want her to eat healthy food.

If you want to continue to look after your granddaughter, Notjustaprettyface perhaps you coul ask your DIL to provide healthy snacks or at least ask what she recommends.
I used to buy Ella's Kitchen for my DGC but check first.

Why upset your daughter in law deliberately?
Ice lollies are very high in sugar and often have added colours. Sharing an ice lolly is not a good idea if you carry the cold sore virus, in fact the herpes virus can sometimes make very young children seriously unwell.
Talking, reading, singing, playing games and having fun should be a treat for you both.

We shared a calippo

Do you mean you finished off what she didn't want? I hope you weren't taking it in turns to lick it!

🤮

Find a way to give your little granddaughter treats she is allowed.
Make a face, with grated carrot hair and whatever else is allowed for the features.

There are ways around the situation.

Make her a yoghurt ice lolly, if she's allowed yogurt.

Or, make yourself miserable and feel hard done by.

The choice is yours, but perhaps read the threads by grandparents who don't see their grandchildren, and read the longing they have to be given the chance.

*Then I won’t look after her
This entitled generation should not expect any help with their kids if they think they know best
And by the way they don’t !*
WOW
That’s really showing yourself up
In this case your daughter in law has asked you specifically not to give sugery items to the baby why on earth would you go against their wishes, you have now given the baby a taste for sweet things none of my children ever had that rule but if they had I would have stuck to it Who do you think you are to go against the child’s parents

It's unanimous Notjustaprettyface.

I remember my MIL giving my DD a packet of jelly tots and telling her not to open them until after dinner. My DD was about 20 months old.
Needless to say, DD ripped them open before I could get to them and stuffed several in her mouth.

Luckily for MIL I was very fond of her. She never did any regular babysitting either but she was a jelly tot fan.

I definitely think that in this case the "entitled generation" do know best !

Notjustaprettyface

Granny Somerset
Then I won’t look after her
This entitled generation should not expect any help with their kids if they think they know best
And by the way they don’t !

This says it all.
I think OP will have found by now that opinions are more or less unanimously against going against the parents ’ wishes, against ice lollies and other sweet things for young toddlers and throwing your toys out of the pram when you are clearly in the wrong

Don’t be so silly. I have four young grandchildren, one’s parents insist he is not ever allowed biscuits, cakes, ice cream, anything made with added sugar, so when he’s with me his snacks are limited to fruit or cheese. It’s my role to stick to their rules, whether or not I think they’re reasonable or right.

Notjustaprettyface it appears you have only just mended your relationship with your son and DiL and here you go again. You seem to go from relationship problems between your son and daughter but never learn, despite what GN posters advise. You are heading for a very lonely future.

And you’d do well to remember neither children nor adults will suffer for lack of “a biscuit or a little cupcake”. They’re not necessary in any human diet. You can’t buy love with sugar.

All you’re showing is your contempt for your daughter in law. Maybe you don’t always know best…?