Update on Grandaughter Situation

Her brother came to see you
Love him and stop the communication with his sister.

You are now sending daft messages to her!
Stop!
Love those who love you.
I'm sure there will still be an empty corner in your heart - but you are fortunate that you have a caring husband and other positive relationships. Focus on those.

Malicious Communications Act 1988 g.co/kgs/vZAqbaz

Your granddaughter is actually committing a criminal offence.

I'd say it's time someone sent her a strongly worded letter.
Your solicitor, preferably.

Sorry that should say vulnerable

I blocked her number she used another phone

Why haven’t you just blocked her number?

Well another update not spoken since the last update unfortunately I am in hospital again her Brother came to see me and sent her a message her message to me was you are in the right place to DIE I ignored it and then I replied and said well I will Haunt you daft I know but feel extremely funerable

That was a wicked thing to say under any circumstances!!! Cut her from your life , you don't need her. You have reached out and she has rejected you by returning the card through the letter box . Clearly she does not want a relationship with you. Take you DHs advice , put her out your mind and take good care of yourself. 💐💐

Heartbreaking. One day she'll regret how she treated you

So, so hurtful I d cry a river if this happened, you really do have my empathy Axzder

do not reply, perhaps it would have been better for you not to have text of sympathy under the circumstance!!

Stay away and don’t be tempted to text or try to speak to her, it will end badly and you will be upset all over again. Try to take comfort from your OH and get on with your life as best you can. She is the one who needs to contact you with a sincere apology.
Don’t expose yourself to this horrible behaviour, and if your son can’t do anything about this then have as little to do with him as well. Life’s too short xx

Her behaviour is nothing short of reprehensible. You really need to keep away from her. After what she had said it's odd that you actually sent her a birthday card. It's a bit like saying she can do or say anything and that's ok . Can only think that this has been bubbling away under the surface for years.

Her words and actions speak volumes about her personality and attitudes in life. These aren't usually [if ever] changed and often escalate with age. In some people's eyes they feel entitled to hate and hurt: no emotional intelligence.

I'm sorry she is unpleasant and unkind/cruel and that is who she is and will remain most probably. You will never forget the words she wrote and the returned card, ever, even if you can forgive.

I know someone like this, lovely when things are going ok, but vitriolic [nasty words to people who have supported her for decades] when things don't. Blame is always on the other person.

Walk away, protect yourself, your mental health and your peace. Concentrate on your husband and your life because you will be sparing yourself even more upset and grief which will surely come.
All the best.

If you want to be left alone you just have to say so, there's no need to be cruel.

Very sadly, Axder, the returned birthday card may be what you need, as it confirms to you that no action of yours will bring you and your granddaughter together, at least for now. Take no further steps to mend things between you, step away and accept what you cannot change. Let the future unfold without any effort from you.

I would guess that the cruel comments were made specifically with the goal of being left alone, especially given the returned mail. I had to do something drastic to be left alone by my mother. Obviously not the same situation but maybe that can help you understand why the comments were so extreme.

Giving her what she wants (no contact) is the best option for all.

cherish your husband, OP.

This is really a shocking account of a young person who has absolutely no manners, empathy, social skills, or any sort of integrity. If I had behaved like this towards my grandmother, my father would have had my guts for garters. Worse still, she is 36 and should know better. This is the behaviour of an extremely ill mannered adolescent who should know better. I would cut my losses, focus on the good that is already in your life and make the most of the time you have to enjoy with those who love and cherish you. You do not deserve this. Of course, there is this great love between grandparents and their grandchildren, but you must ask yourself 'At what cost?' Are you going to spend the rest of your life allowing yourself to be badly treated by this brat?

Axzder

Tried wrote a nice letter to ask to meet and talk about it she sent me a vile text back, tried ringing she just puts the phone down so I think I have done all I can

Why do you bother with her. Children grow up and some of them are not very nice. You need to remind yourself that your granddaughter is now a grown up and not a very nice one.
I’m sorry but I do think you’re wasting your time and your energy on this one, maybe in time she’ll change but for now get on with your life and listen to your husband who is right when he tells you to forget her.🌷

A truly awful thing to say and napery you had to hear it. She’s made it quite clear she doesn’t wish a relationship so I’d do what Dh says in that regard and ignore and don’t reach out again.

Just a Thank You for your responses started to get my Head round it now.
It was her Birthday we sent a card just said have a nice Day
Returned through letterbox sometime last night
So that’s me done

What a nasty thing to say. I can imagine how hurtful it is, especially from your much loved granddaughter. I really feel for you. It’s so sad when families fall out. Words are like daggers that pierce the heart. The wound heals, but the scabs never fall off.

What a vile and cruel thing to say to you, Axzder. I think your husband is correct, hard though it must be. Sadly she is not worthy of your time or your energy. 💐

Take your DH's advice Axzder and treat this with the contempt it deserves. Sometimes you're just better off without someone like your GD in your life, regardless of how much you love them .

Regardless of what your previous relationship was like with your GD (whether it was good or bad!), what she has said to you is unforgivable! It's something that you will never be able to forget, even if she feels guilty and comes grovelling to you with an apology. She's in the wrong and she probably knows it, deep down, and must feel ashamed about what she said.

Listen to your husband. As upsetting as this must be for you, you must try to put it behind you, otherwise, you're going to make yourself feel sick with the worry of it all. I don't know what your past relationship has been like with your GD, or your ex DiL ... were there some tensions between you and your GD's mum perhaps ...? Something has obviously triggered this reaction, but that is absolutely no excuse from a 34 year old adult!

I wouldn't try to contact her again about this, let it lie. Continue to send birthday cards, etc., if you usually do, but if she returns them, or tells you not to, then simply stop, without responding to her.

You can't do anymore than that. She's the one who created this upset. It's up to her to try to put it right, if she ever chooses to do so. If not, you'll have to learn to live with it, and know that it wasn't your fault. Put your energy and love into other family and friends who deserve it.