Grandson moving abroad

flyingwithconfidence.com/
Here you go.... This is a course run by British Airways for people who are fearful of flying.

Yes, lots of us - my daughter and family left when her youngest was 21 months.

Get help with flying!
Yes, you can do it!
🤞

Many of us have children and grandchildren living overseas I have son wife and two grandkids in NZ

Take it in small steps you can be sad for you, but be happy for them they ve made a decision and you must, however hard learn to accept it and yes it will get much easier as time goes by

You can conquer the flying thing if you really want to
I m sure they ll visit you over here
There is the chance they may come back at some stage

My son will never come back they are Kiwis now
I won’t visit again it’s just too far for me now Not for everyone, I know my friends 90 something mum has just been out to see a sister, mind you she was ill while out there, ill on the flight back, got diverted and cost her family a huge amount of money, time and worry. ( not to mention her own insurance etc etc)

Trips to and from are very expensive, I saw my son last year he came and visited me which was lovely although the goodbyes almost negate the loveliness, because it’s like starting all over again I dont know when or if I ll see him again I can only hope
But
It’s their life not mine and I m happy for them, my grandkids have grown and are good people that’s all we can hope for

Your heart will heal when you hear about their happiness and good times but there will always be a little piece missing but you have to accept that

We are very lucky now that there are brilliant ways to keep in contact other than letters. Whatsapp, zoom etc will be your friend.

When people went to live abroad years ago it really was like a bereavement. Phone calls were difficult and expensive and letters were sent via airletters (remember those?).

Now you can ring any time as long as no one is missing out on sleep. You can video call too, at very little cost.

Whilst not replacing being able to pop round the corner it does go some way to mitigate the heartache.

You state you know you won't be able to go see him because of your fear of flying? This is just defeatism. Flying remains the safest form of transport there is and yet people get in and out of cars without thinking every day they are far more dangerous.

Are you expecting them to meet the cost of flying home to be able to see them? I find that a bit selfish.

I think one way to be more involved is to find out as much as you can about where they are going to live- that way you can identify with their lives a little more and might encourage you to take the plunge and go out there?

I also note you don't mention how much you will miss your son. Is it only the child who means something to you?

There will be a gap left by their leaving but in time you can decide whether to fill that time with other things, or get over your phobia of flying and make plans to go see them.

Depends on your age I suppose but if you are still young and fit of heart, please overcome your fear of flying. Find out the best air company to fly with, upgrade for comfort if you can, and make that journey. You only have one life to live and each day that passes is another day gone. I am sure your family would be really proud of you if you managed and do ask them to support and encourage you. In the meantime look for a good flying phobia course and sign up.

Keepingquiet. Thankfully I do not have a fear of flying, but many people do! This is not defeatism it is an all consuming fear and one that deserves respect and understanding. Is that difficult for you to understand?
You know nothing about Nanna 23s life and family and yet you seem to insinuate she will only miss her GS and not her son ! Nanna is obviously thinking how much she will miss her little GS and that thought is in the front of her mind - it does not mean she will not miss her son ! Please don't jump to conclusions.

Some of us did this as younger adults many years ago. We took our 2 year old to America and had our second baby there.
My parents couldn't visit.

We tried to be very positive for our children when it happened to us and though goodbyes are always very tough I know they understand we want the very best for them. This is (I tell myself on difficult days) my gift of love.

I give thanks to my loving parents for never ever making me feel guilty - and for always wanting the best for me and my little family. ❤️

Please please do a “fear of flying course”, lots of people have this fear.

Also get yourself all set up with WhatsApp/FaceTime/Zoom and enjoy lots of video contact with your family

How about seeing a professional hypnotist? They help with fears and phobias.

Shelflife

Keepingquiet. Thankfully I do not have a fear of flying, but many people do! This is not defeatism it is an all consuming fear and one that deserves respect and understanding. Is that difficult for you to understand?
You know nothing about Nanna 23s life and family and yet you seem to insinuate she will only miss her GS and not her son ! Nanna is obviously thinking how much she will miss her little GS and that thought is in the front of her mind - it does not mean she will not miss her son ! Please don't jump to conclusions.

Well that's me told off!

I do understand some people have a phobia of flying- but to state that they will never overcome it does sound like defeatism to me because lots of people get help with phobias and can get over them. I know may people who have done so including myself. A lot of posters were being helpful in pointing out the various courses etc that are available.

How much more than me do you know about OP's life? We can only go on what people have written, surely?

The fact that she admitted to say she would miss anyone except her grandson is indisputable.

Don't we all jump to conclusions, including yourself pointing out that I wasn't respectful or understanding of OP's position?

Having family myself on the other side of the world I know the heartache it can cause- all those endless good-byes never knowing if you are ever going to see each other again, especially as we get older? Some of my family can no longer fly and it is very hard for us all being so far apart.
However, I was pointing out that with technology it isn't so difficult to be in contact with each other, even in this less than ideal way.

If I upset OP at all then I will certainly apologise, but it was never my intention.

Apologies- it should read omitted not admitted!

My neighbours are in their 80s. Their son and DiL emigrated with their toddler GS over 20 years ago. Two more GC arrived in Oz, all grown up now.
My neighbours still visit them nearly every year, they're a tough pair!
Do take the advice and conquer your fear. It is the only way. The expense for your son of bringing his family to see you is so much more than for you alone.
And he would have to use precious holiday to make the journey.
It is hard, but,thousands of GPs do it all the time. Good luck .

I can imagine your sadness. It is possible they may not stay in any case so that is something to hold on to. Many, many people who emigrate return. Next, please do not worry about flying. Nobody is more scared than I am. Flying terrifies me but I have done long distance both to Australia and to New Zealand and, of course, was fine. If you can afford it, everyone says that business class is wonderful. I know someone who flies twice a year to Australia. So please don't let the flying put you off. Remember how many thousands of flights are in the air at any time.

Our son went to New Zealand "Just for a year". 9 years later, he is married to a Kiwi and has two beautiful sons. We visit every year and have had so many great adventures with them. We have frequent video calls. Saying goodbye is always emotional, but I soon get over it and have all the wonderful memories to look back on. We stay for about 6 weeks when we go, so really have quality time with the GC.
Nana23boys, as others have said, you really must take steps to overcome your fear of flying - the prize is too great to ignore!

But granmaKT don’t underestimate how much money you need to visit NZ every year for 6 weeks you are obviously in a very different economic state to me I was only able to visit my family every 5 or 6 years Not everyone is well off enough to manage the expensive travel, insurance and living conditions for that length of holiday NZ is an expensive country

I think it's really normal to feel upset, don't be too hard on yourself. Luckily we have technology these days so we can facetime etc but I think we can all acknowledge it isn't the same as seeing someone in the flesh xx

Oh yes Bluebelle, I realise we are very lucky, it's just that the OP only mentions her fear of flying as the barrier to travelling there.

Nana23boys, I've been on both sides of the coin. We left the UK many years ago when our children were both very young. They were my parents only GCs, and, of course, they were heartbroken, and so were we when it came to the time to leave. However, they wished us well, and told us to go and have a wonderful life. They visited us as often as they could afford it, and made some wonderful memories for us all. This was in the days before Skype/FaceTime, and cheap phone calls, but we all managed to survive, and my kids still had a close relationship with my parents, and never lost that special bond. We survived!

Several years on, and my DS & DiL moved to another country with their jobs, where they had our two GCs. Thankfully, we weren't too far away, so we were able to visit them fairly regularly. Our DD returned to the UK some years ago for university, and decided to stay there. So, we were here all alone again, until DS & DiL got new jobs, and returned to live here with our GCs about 18 months ago, which has been wonderful. However, my DH is soon to be retiring, so we're moving back to the UK, and we'll have to leave them all behind again! Frankly, whilst I'm looking forward to DH being retired, and the next chapter in our lives, I'm already gutted at the prospect of leaving them all behind, so I do know exactly how your feel, and there are many other GPs here on Gransnet who are in exactly the same position. It's hard, it's upsetting, but they all learn to cope with the distance from loved ones. I've done it before, so I know I can do it again, and so will you.

As others have mentioned, I know the fear of flying is real, but there are courses out there that can help people to over come this fear, and even hypnotherapy is worth a try. I hope you consider getting help, as would be a shame to miss out on potential visits to see your family, and make lovely memories. All the best to you.

The thing that struck me most is that n7jana23boys has up till now been looking after her dgs for 10 hours a week since he was 6 weeks old.
The separation must feel like a bereavement.
It isn't ofcourse and she will feel better but could you go with them nana23?
I know someone who took their 90yr old DM with them when they migrated.
Anything is possible.

My DS emigrated to NZ 16 yrs ago and now they have a 12 Yr old DS.
We both went out when he was a baby but have relied on their visits here since. My DH died 4 years ago and i thought I wouldn't go again but this year I braced myself and made the long haul. I spent a really wonderful month with them and may go again. Meantime we frequently speak on video calls and I take a close interest in their lives.
Babies grow and you've had many wonderful months with yours. How lovely was that!

Nana23, I can imagine your sadness, it must feel like the end of the at the moment. Others on here have experienced what you have and with video calls, the phone they still have a close relationship despite the miles. I’m sure once settled they will come back to the uk and visit. Maybe after a while you could take the fear of flying course mentioned, who knows.
I am so impressed by all who have posted here, how they coped with that big break. Sure they will be an inspiration to you.

I will miss them all obviously. They will have an amazing life put there my post was simply to see how others have coped with the same situation. To ask if I will miss my son too os laughable that goes without question. And no I do not expect them to foot the cost of a flight I am more than capable of paying for Myself. My fear of flying goes deep and its a totally other story . Facetime and letters are good, it's the smell of them and the hugs I will miss.

Thanks

Thank you