The love for grandchildren

Daddima

I feel like ‘bad granny’ here, because, although I do love my grandchildren, I honestly can’t relate to the talk of overwhelming rushes of emotion like nothing felt before etc.
I am happy for all those who do have these feelings for grandchildren, but don’t feel I’m missing out, as I’m happy with the way I get on with all my grandchildren.

I'm 'bad granny' too - maybe we can form a club 😁

I do understand the initial excitement and anticipation and wonder of having your first grandchild - I'm sure I felt that too. Mixed with the relief of knowing your AD/DiL is safe and your child and partner are happily beginning their own family. It's a heady brew.

I think we are just not 'gushy' people in my family. Level-headed, down-to-earth and practical. We're all very close and I love my 8 GC to pieces - but I'm also sure my friends feel the same way about theirs and we don't feel the need to keep convincing each other. We do talk about them sometimes, especially if they have done something funny but they are a part of our lives, not the whole of it.

I remember speaking to my oldest and very best friend years ago about my first GC, a little boy, and showing photos'. I was quite hurt when she said, yes he's very sweet but I can't understand how Gparents' go on about their GC. Strangely enough only a few months later she found out she was going to be a GP. Months later she said 'I remember what I said to you about your first GC as I was raving over mine to a friend at work and showing endless photo's. I was dong exactly the same if not worse I am sorry. Yes and we did laugh about it. Until you become one you don't know. I have to say my mother always said grandchildren are for enjoying and you can hand them back. With your own children you're so busy trying to raise them and often working as well often you don't have the time when they are young.

my dil asked if i would be upset if she did not have another child, she already had a son, i said no, it was up to her and my son if they had a child, i would never gush over my gs, i love him to bit's but it will never be the same as the love i have for my son, as for the we waited 7 years, no your daughter waited, i really dislike women who harp on about wanting to be a gran/nana, at the moment in the uk 49% of women age 25/35 are childless, stop gushing to your friends as that gets really boring and annoying and just enjoy your granchild.

I get it completely! I have five grandkids …..two in their twenties and three in their teens. I love them all to death …..maybe even more than when they were babies and toddlers. I keep up with their lives through emails and text …..travel to watch them play in team sports, and treat them whenever I can with things like Starbucks gift cards for no other reason that I love them! Also I so enjoy hosting ……grandkids only dinners when they are all in town or home on a break from university etc and also more than happy to include their current boyfriends/girlfriend too). I also look for an opportunity to visit the ones who are in university a long way from home and don’t get home regularly, just so we can spend some ‘one on one’ time…..and I often meet their friends and room mates and get the=opportunity to take them out for a nice meal. I feel so fortunate still to have a place in their lives, and without doubt these five grandkids continue to be top of my ‘love list’ as the years go by! My hope is that the bond and the friendship I have encouraged by keeping the cousins connected with each other will last a lifetime……long after I have left their lives.

I don’t find talk about grandchildren boring at all. I have two myself and am very interested in other people’s. It’s not early as boring as talking about, say, their jobs.

I will say I’m very grateful for friends who love t share about their grands and listen to me share about ours. But at this stage of life I don’t have a single close friend without any - and it was that way when it was our children too - all
Of were mums together

NotSpaghetti

Ava25 - first of all, congratulations to your daughter and how lovely that you are so happy.

I think you will find some people here who totally understand how you feel, and they will probably come along soon.

Of course I do love my grandchildren dearly but I love them firstly because they are the joy in my adult children's lives and because my own adult children are precious to me.

As they have grown, my grandchildren have blossom in their own right in my heart because they are loving and witty, full of life (and needing attention), because they want time with me and we can do nice things together - even if that is just chatting or reading books in the same room and because they are OK with being grumpy with me because there is trust there.

As newborns I of course marvelled at the miracle of seeing my son or daughter become parents and the wonderful gift of life they now shared with their partners. My joy then was for them - that the mothers and babies were safe and well and starting out on a new journey together.

My love for our grandchildren is complete - but it could never eclipse the love for my own five children.

This is absolutely perfect worded. My love for the grands is wonderful and amazing but it comes from my love of my own children and could never compare to that

Ava25

I'm new to the forum and a fairly new grandmother. My granddaughter is 9 months old tomorrow. Does anyone else find it hard to explain to people just how different the love for a grandchild is? We waited 7 years for her my daughter had a loss, and I don't know if that's part of how strongly i feel for her but I feel overwhelmed with love and happiness when I see her. I can't think of anything more wonderful. I have friends who are not grandparents who just don't get it when I gush about her. I've found myself not talking about her as much as they roll their eyes. I just wish people could understand what it means to me after all these years

you gush away - I love hearing my friends chatting away about their grandchildren - I don't have any yet and won't be any in the near future but it makes me happy to hear all about it too ! x

I don't have any grandchildren, and for many years I listened to endless tales of grandchildren and exclaimed at many,many photos. When my daughter found a partner with two small children I was thrilled. Were any of the fond grandmothers I had listened to for years interested? Not in the slightest; they simply launched into reminiscences about their grandchildren (now not such stars as they anticipated) at that age.

My friend had several gc before I had any and I did get tired ( and a bit jealous) of hearing every details about them.
Now I try to be sensitive and not bore people. Don’t always remember! I have another friend who is inclined to boast about how successful her adult gc are.

Congratulations, Ava. What happiness there is to come. When our first GC was born, the child of my child, the love was strong - but, as another poster has said, different. I don't crave to see them every day, the management of their young lives is with my AC, but oh, how happy I am to see them, hug them, and catch up. They create joy that is hard to express, all of them, and I would die for them. I do try not to witter on about them to others..

MissAdventure

Not all families want to hear endlessly about children.

Indeed.

I assume the best is to allow people to ask - then answer briefly.

Our GC/GGC/GGGC are boring to anyone apart from us.

I’m very fortunate to have nine grandchildren ranging from 18 down to 5, three live in the US so I don’t see them much, the others reasonably close, we don’t live in each others pockets but we are there if they need us or we need them, I don’t ramble on to others about how wonderful they are because other folks grandchildren are like holiday photos, no one else cares.

Not all families want to hear endlessly about children.

This is a fascinating thread. I think its clear that love for GC is extremely personal and different for everyone. My experience is that Grans might love to talk about their own GC but are really not interested in listening...so read the room say less rather than more, keep the gushes in the family.

I know my mum felt like that about my daughter, but she didn't keep on about it.
She said she never realised she could love someone so much as she did my girl.

I have friends who are not grandparents who just don't get it when I gush about her. I've found myself not talking about her as much as they roll their eyes. I just wish people could understand what it means to me after all these years.

I am sure your friends do understand your love for your grandchild and share your relief that she is safely delivered. But, you have answered your own question, it is your gushing that makes them roll their eyes. Someone said up thread there is nothing more boring than other people's grandchildren, whether they are grandparents or not. And just try and think about people with no children at all, who are pleased you are happy and like a brief update but have np prospect of ever sharing the joyful experience you are enjoying.

They give us a chance to revisit those years when our babies were tiny.
I think of my children as life’s rainbow and the grandchildren as them pot of gold. Fine another dotting gran to chat babies with. Better still take the little one to a baby group and I bet you find a few grandparents there.

I understand completely! I didn’t wait for a long time, but because I had two sons, a granddaughter felt incredibly special. I was exactly the same as you, feeling overwhelmed with love for her. I never had a grandmother, so for me it felt very special. Don’t worry what other people think- enjoy in this wonderful role. We are very blessed to be able to have grandchildren, as some people never have them.

Congratulations to you and your beloved daughter who at long at last has her dream of motherhood come true.

I wonder why people these days feel the need to explain love?

We all know what it is, and that the love we felt as children for our parents and grandparents was different to what we felt for other relatives, including brothers and sisters, that love for a husband or wife is different again, as is love for our children.

We can recognise love when we see it expressed, but I don't think it is possible to explain it, or understand the need to do so.

To me personally, all love, whether for my family, husband, a flower or the cat is a reflection of God's love for us all and I certainly cannot tell you why God loves his creation!

I love my own two adult children very deeply and they both have excellent spouses. I adore my grandchildren without question. We don't live in each other's pockets, but we do have the certain knowledge that we will always have each other's backs.

Welcome to the best club in the world, in my opinion.

I can't explain the love I feel for my Granddaughter ( now 17) but it's an overwhelming and wonderful feeling.

She stopped breathing on her first night home and the next week was spent in intensive care. There was no explanation for what was happening, but the fear that we would lose her was present every minute.

Enjoy your Grandchild. Never mind the folk who don't understand. It happened with several of my friends who did a little eye rolling. Now they are Grandparents and understand!

I agree 100% I cannot describe the love I have for my grandchildren either, it took me by surprise, I think it’s because they expect nothing from you but love as a friend once sai to me ‘parents are the food but we are the fun’

I fell in love with my first grandchild, a boy. He gave me a reason for living when it was a difficult time for me. Over the years we had such fun and he adored me [as well as his other grandparents].
He is now 25 and I see him rarely, which is fine, he is happy, healthy, busy, with a lovely partner.
I've since had 2 more grandsons, who I love absolutely, both different, both adorable. One is 17, the other is 11.
Then a granddaughter who is 9, clever and sweet natured. I feel blessed. [Bored yet? haha].

I'd say don't forget your grandchildren don't 'belong' to you and there are other grandparents who are equally besotted and need to spend time with them as well as you.
Also be aware that they can change as they grow and you may see less of them as they bond with school mates and other friends.

Remember that this wonderful experience is yours alone, enjoy it but don't expect others to feel what you do or to be interested in their progress. It's your own individual experience and pleasure, a family thing. I only mention mine to people who have grandchildren too when one has a birthday and if they ask. We then comment on how fast the years go by. One friend has great-grandchildren now...

I wish you lots of fun and happiness with your new member of the family. Grandchildren light our lives up.

Reading this interesting thread reminded me how very different we all are and how differently we feel about things. I am a mum, grandmother, soon to be a great grandmother and it always amazes me how our love expands to include each new arrival. I remember, when pregnant with my second child, looking at my firstborn and thinking, ‘I can never love another baby as much as I love you’. But I did, of course!
That said, I have always been aware that others aren’t as besotted and keep my replies to their polite enquiries about my family as brief as possible.