The love for grandchildren

Ava25 - first of all, congratulations to your daughter and how lovely that you are so happy.

I think you will find some people here who totally understand how you feel, and they will probably come along soon.

Of course I do love my grandchildren dearly but I love them firstly because they are the joy in my adult children's lives and because my own adult children are precious to me.

As they have grown, my grandchildren have blossom in their own right in my heart because they are loving and witty, full of life (and needing attention), because they want time with me and we can do nice things together - even if that is just chatting or reading books in the same room and because they are OK with being grumpy with me because there is trust there.

As newborns I of course marvelled at the miracle of seeing my son or daughter become parents and the wonderful gift of life they now shared with their partners. My joy then was for them - that the mothers and babies were safe and well and starting out on a new journey together.

My love for our grandchildren is complete - but it could never eclipse the love for my own five children.

Before I had grandchildren, I never thought that I could ever love something/someone as much as I love my own children. However, when my GCs were born, the instant love and emotions I felt for them took me by surprise.

It is, however, a different kind of love to the love I feel for my own children. I think, as NotSpaghetti says, that it is the overwhelming joy that we feel for our own sons & daughters when they become parents themselves, and have the wonderful gift of their own child to cherish.

I couldn't love my grandchildren any more than I do, but it is different to the love I feel for my own son & daughter.

It is also completely understandable that friends who are not grandparents themselves do not 'get it' when you gush about your GD. I too learned very quickly not to bore people with talk about my GCs. Most other people will not be interested, although some will politely ask for updates ... but try not to go into too much detail!

A friend of mine recently became a 1st time GM, and prior to this she had absolutely no interest in either becoming a GM, or in hearing about anyone else's GCs. She too has now confided in me that the love and emotions she feels for her new GD has knocked her sideways, and she now understands what I tried to tell her.

Please learn not to ‘gush’.

To most people, other people’s GC are just that, someone else’s babies/children.

And looking at endless photos of OPG is rather like looking at someone else’s holiday snaps.

One or two are ok, but after that….

I love my grandchildren dearly but no love surpasses the love I feel for my own 2 children.

My grandchildren are a big part of my life, I enjoy their company, I’m proud of them, we do things together, and I think they know that we would do anything for them.
But it’s a different kind of love than I have for my children, I can take a step back. One of them had a bad term at school, bad relationship with a teacher which led to problems, although I was concerned, my main concern was how much it was upsetting my daughter.
I think it’s a natural defence, because we know we won’t always be there for them.

Congratulations Ava. Of course it is a wonderful feeling and a joyful bit of life for most people but honestly apart from the GC of very long term friends who are more like family, most people will take only a passing interest in your GC.

Enjoy every moment with your new granddaughter.
It is Mother Nature at her best!

I think you will find people who understand here! You have come to the right place! My GC are a great and immeasurable joy.

I'll listen to anyone who wants to impart their feelings gushes about their grandchildren. They're so very precious and a big part of many people's lives, whether they are near or far.
You will get the measure of who wants to listen, and GN is a good place if you want to enjoy talking about them here. No one here has to listen. Enjoy!

Please don't "gush" - it's a bit tedious.

Who me?
OK I'll just rave instead!

NotSpaghetti

Please don't "gush" - it's a bit tedious.

I agree.

But I am not that emotional a person.

That wonderful Ava25. Grandchildren are indeed a great blessing. Personally, My own children come first every time, but I do love my grandchildren very much,. However, we do need to remember that they are not ours, we have to take a step back and not make them completely the centre of our lives.
Having said that, I wish you many years of happiness with your little granddaughter.

Explaining one's feelings about becoming a grandparent can't be done! Until I saw that little scrap in her hospital cot, I didn't know the meaning of 'my heart went out'. That little scrap is now the mother of a most engaging toddler who shares a part of my heart, along with my four other DGC. I know my love just expanded with each new arrival. Try telling that to someone who doesn't have the joy of GC!

I love my GC dearly, a great joy. My love is based on the love I have for my AC , seeing them as parents is wonderful. GC are so important and I have done my share of caring for them. However they are not my children they are GC and their happiness and welfare is not my responsibility, been there done that !!

When my GC came along I genuinely expected to feel a rush of love for them but it didn't come, I do love them but not like I love my children - I always say to my sons 'you know how much you love your children, well I love you the same'. My children will always come first.

We love our grandchildren, but they’re not the centre of our lives and I only mention them if people ask me.
When they were younger we were working ft and went to live abroad, so we were never primary childcare for them.
They, like your children are lent, then they become adults, meanwhile you nurture you and your relationships, so when they’re independent, you still have your life.

My first grandchild's birth was initially a great relief Elless that my daughter had survived and was OK.
My second relief was that he was apparently healthy.
The love for him came later. He was my daughter's first. 💕

In answer to the op, why do you need to explain?

Firstly massive congratulations on the birth of your first grandchild Ava.
I adore my grandchildren, but I adore my adult children too.
Three of them live abroad so that poses difficulties, but we still enjoy a very close relationship with them. We talk to them two or three times a week on WhatsApp and we spend several weeks together with them at their home each year, and they come here every year too. I would do anything (legal) to help them or my children.

I have 8 grandchildren, 5 of whom I don't see much but when we do we carry on from where we left off which is nice. The other three live nearby though we have one of them living with us to enjoy 'starting out' in life whilst the other 2 pop in quite often. I used to help out quite a bit when they were little to give my Daughter and Daughter in Law a rest but now 6 of them are still at school. We're very lucky.

Shelflife

I love my GC dearly, a great joy. My love is based on the love I have for my AC , seeing them as parents is wonderful. GC are so important and I have done my share of caring for them. However they are not my children they are GC and their happiness and welfare is not my responsibility, been there done that !!

Exactly how I feel Shelflife definitely no gushing here.

My husband is a very loving and caring granddad, but he fully admits that he didn’t have an instant rush of love, that it grew gradually.
One was very sick, and instantly I felt really sad and protective, for him, and for my daughter, another one, for no apparent reason I felt an immediate rush of love for, we are very close, and quite similar.
But they aren’t ours, and I’m glad they’re not, because I don’t want that responsibility again, more than happy to play a supporting role this time around.

Congratulations on the arrival of your granddaughter, Ava.

I’m not sure why you feel the need to explain to people why you love your GD or why they need to understand what she means to you? However delightful your little GD is, other people are not going to be as interested in her as you are - why would they be? We each have our own pleasures in life and to be honest small babies are supremely boring to some people!

Just enjoy the addition to your family - what they say about them growing up fast is true!