Granddaughter not wanting to speak to us

Even the best behaved and likeable children on reaching 12 plus seem to be taken over by some alien force known as puberty.
All adults become irksome to them as they are constantly demanding things from them such as getting up, telling them they are “missing the best part of the day” eating breakfast, urging them to talk to other humans who aren’t even their best friends, it so unfair!

It is normal.

Also it is normal to at least attempt to correct them and point out the effect they might be having on others.
Perhaps a little humour injected and adults on the receiving end could benefit from finding something else to do for the next 6 or so years. Seriously!
Don’t any of you remember how you actually fealt at that age
…bet you remember how the adults in your life reacted though don’t you🙄

I think you are just being human…and she is just being a 12 year old. I would place less emphasis on FaceTime and see how and when it might be possible to see them now they’ve moved.. my grandchildren are younger and more or less ignore us on FaceTime.

My widowed brother in law has a 12 year old grandson (there are other grandchildren too). He was so good to the grandson when he was small, babysitting, taking him on holidays, having him stay over, buying him things, getting in special food (coeliac), going to school events when his parents couldn’t etc.

Since his wife died he has him stay over at weekends and encourages him to go for dog walks with him and other outdoor stuff. Now he only wants to come if there is a shopping trip involved as he knows Grandpa will buy him stuff.
Often he refuses to get dressed and go to Grandpas and when he does finally relent he likes to stay in bed all day playing computer games.

I realise we are no longer supposed to argue with kids or exert our authority but if he were mine he would be getting a good talking to. His Grandpa has been through some difficult times since he lost his wife and I cannot believe that a stern talking to would harm that boy.

Agree it’s likely the age. But also I agree with those who can’t stand to FaceTime I’d rather at other form of communication. Aside from that her mother isn’t wrong not to force her - being forced to come speak to granny is a sure fire way to be certain she hates to do it. Holler your hellos when you speak to your daughter , send the occasional text and give it time

Yes 12 is a difficult age especially in this day and age I've always been extremely close with my grandaughter she face timed me every night then six months ago it went down to once or twice now it's rare it hurt like hell but I've realised she's growing up , hormones kick in etc .what i do is now and then send her gifs or a message. She will respond i think its just growing up .xx

Personally I don’t think it would be too much just to pop her head in view for a couple of second and say ‘hello’.

Young people tend communicate via text, being made to speak to somebody will only cause anger and resentment.

Zuzu, good stuff:

"I remember having to teach my kids how to love, how to behave in a kind manner...all sorts of little lessons on being nice. It starts at home with the mother, I think."

Playdough12 I think that while it is true that children of 12 plus do undergo a change in there behaviour and are “growing into themselves”, when parents leave it completely unchecked and ignored it is both lazy and shortsighted of them.
It is sad for the grandparent if they don’t see the family as much and they previously felt a connection to the child and thought it was reciprocated.
I sense though that your reply to Nancy Sue45 has a distinct element of “projecting”.

Children are individuals with their own feelings, thoughts, and emotions.

Relationships naturally evolve with time and age. While your granddaughter may still love you, you may no longer be a central figure or significant focus in her life. She’s not the two-year-old who once perhaps found her grandmother fascinating and eagerly anticipated visits and phone calls.

At 12, she’s becoming more independent and developing new interests. She may not want to speak with you as often—or at all—and could even find conversations with you uninteresting or burdensome. She might view your attempts to connect as overbearing. It’s also important to note that not everyone enjoys video calls or texting, and some people simply aren’t glued to their phones.

She could also be going through challenges in her life, making her less inclined to socialize.

Additionally, it’s unclear what kind of relationship you’ve had with her or her mother. Her mother might be protecting her from behaviors she considers harmful or toxic, based on her own observations or things your granddaughter has shared.

I understand this situation is painful for you, but it may be something you’ll need to come to terms with. Over time, the connection may continue to grow more distant.

It’s not unreasonable for her mother to avoid forcing communication. Your granddaughter is growing up, and not every child remains deeply attached to their grandparents, especially not in the way they might have been when they were younger.

The decision is yours if you can deal with late or no responses in regards to gift giving.

It could be her age. I still don't like being put on the spot and be told to "come and talk to...."
Your GD could be a pre-teen, which brings its issues. Maybe her mum should suggest your GD call you on her own terms, when she wants, without mum hanging around.
Just my thoughts on the issue

You mentioned they moved recently. She may find it painful to talk to you as she might be still dealing with mixed feelings about the move.

Give her time.

If the poor girl feels she looks only half as hideous on face time as I feel every time I inadvertenly take a selfie, I fully understand why she doesn't want to talk to you in this way.

Why don't you ask her if she would prefer a good old fashioned phone call - it could be over WhatsApp if cost is an issue?

Or write her an email?

I don’t like FaceTiming myself so wouldn’t expect the grandchildren to. My 11 year old granddaughter doesn’t talk to me much when they visit these days - I sometimes send her chatty or what I consider amusing messages but she rarely replies, but as other have said it’s probably her age.

My eldest grandson (14) has lived on and off with me since he was a new born(together with his mum), and we are very close! but he wont face time me or his aunts (my other two daughters) for any money. He hates talking to people other than his peers, although he is made to engage in debates and public speaking at his school which he's not keen on. I would not take this seriously to be honest. When I visit my other daughters their teenagers (13) barely acknowledge me or snap at me when spoken to directly. I do not take it to heart. My own daughters were pretty snippy at that age and I remember being painfully shy as a teenager.

*they

PS Did she speak to you much before thay moved away?

I can understand anyone not wanting to face-time. I suspect it's the face-timing she can't cope with rather than the fact you're her gran.

Write her a letter telling her what you've been up to but without begging for an answer. Maybe repeat this a few times a year. She might well, eventually, write back.

Hamster 58
Totally agree with you.
Children these days have no idea of how to hold a conversation unless it's on text, facetime or WhatsApp. My daughter trys to get her son to talk to me on the phone son is 3 and a half but he says no I won't so fare enough I'm not going to push it. I think all children drift away for a while some come back and some don't that's up to them!
But I will not pander to them.

Sky dancer and RosiesMaw are absolutely right- it’s partly her age and also as others have said, it’s trying to think of something to say -I hate FaceTime too- so much better talking to a person, if possible. It isn’t you at all.

Everything is about “what her peer group think” at this age.
Their parents are tolerated only if they walk 10 paces behind and do not speak directly to the teen especially,particularly at parent/teacher evenings or similar.😉
It’ll pass try not to get so wrapped up in their lives as they are ever changing and growing away and seek the humour of it amongst allies .. (but maybe don’t laugh at them) ..well not in earshot.

I can't stand it now, having a phone thrust at me and being told to "say hello".

It stems from being very shy and awkward, as a child, painfully so.

When I was young, I hated being told to speak to whoever on the phone. It was especially cringy as mum was sitting right next to me almost goading me on and vetting what I said, and I was a very shy person. However, children these days are not that shy, and it takes nothing to lean over her Mum's shoulder and just say Hi Gran, then disappear off. In my opinion she is being rude, and allowed to be so. It is not your fault.

I won’t FaceTime ever never mind someone of 12. lol don’t feel hurt she’s been put on the spot maybe she will send you text