Granddaughter not wanting to speak to us

12 years old is tricky, she is on the cusp of becoming a teenager so probably feeling all at sea with regard to her emotions
I imagine your daughter will be feeling it too and doesn’t want to row with your GC over this.
Why not try WhatsApping your GC if she has a phone, chirpy little texts with pics or emojis/gifs rather than FaceTiming.
But don’t worry too much about this rift, I know it hurts but it really isn’t you. Is just her age imho.
🌺🙏🏾

How was she with you in the past? Kids of 12 can be difficult in my experience and she will probably be better when a bit older.

It’s the age. They are so self-conscious at 12. It will definitely pass. It isn’t you!

I have sent my granddaughter a few light hearted messages since she's been away ..... but she doesn't even reply to them. I'm struggling to know what to do about Christmas 🤷‍♀️

I agree.
It can be excruciating being told to “talk to Granny” at that age.
I used to dread the weekly phone calls to my German grandparents because not only did I have to think of something to say to Granny, but I had to do it in German.

I know how you feel * nannysue45*. It's hurtful

She's being hurtful but she's a pre-teen girl and not likely to get any better for a good few years. I can only imagine how she is with her poor mother.

I don’t remember being like that with my grandparents because they had all died by the age of 11. But I do remember hating having to talk to aunties and uncles over the phone at 12/13. They get so embarrassed at that age

Yes you are being a bit over sensitive a) it’s an age thingy plus being told to do it and thirdly she may not like FaceTiming I hate it myself and avoid it like the plague I d much rather just a phone chat I always seemed to get caught when I look like a dogs backside just out of bed, or tired and dreary.

Why not just message her now and then or give her a phone call away from family time

Make it just you and her bit more grown up treating her as an individual and not an appendage of the family Can’t lose anything

My granddaughter has lived 200 miles away all her life and is now nearly eighteen. I've always found that when we've been together over the years everything is lovely but once we leave it's 'out if sight, out of mind'. She's never wanted to speak to me on facetime. I tried texting her a few times but only got one word replies. I think you just have to accept that's the way it is, not living close. It's difficult to build a relationship if you are not part of their everyday lives. Just make the most of when you are together.

She’s at a funny age. Try not to take it to heart

Whatever the reason, there is nothing you can do that will change it. All you can do is grit your teeth and hope things will improve.

I have found my relationship with DGS has been cyclical. I have just returned from a lovely weekend during which we spent lots of time talking and planning activities for next year, but he is now 14, rising 15.

I agree that age and newly raging hormones are part of the issue, but I remember when my own daughter started her period, she said, "Yea! Now I can have PMS and say what I want." To which I replied, "No, you may have cramps, feel weepy, any number of feelings/thoughts, but you will still be the sweet girl you've always been. Most women have a period, you can't use that as an excuse to be mean." Later her husband said, I know you're not feeling well with your period, but you aren't acting bitc//y." She said, "Mother wouldn't let me." I remember having to teach my kids how to love, how to behave in a kind manner...all sorts of little lessons on being nice. It starts at home with the mother, I think.

Face-time is not nice in my opinion. It always happens at the "wrong" time - even for many "older" people like me!
Do not take it to heart.

I agree with NotSpagetti - I dislike Facetime too. I don't blame your granddaughter for not wanting to use it.

There is a cohort of younger people who don’t/won’t actually speak to anyone if they can help it. All comms are text, app messaging or even email. It’s not just children. I find it baffling.

stella1949

I agree with NotSpagetti - I dislike Facetime too. I don't blame your granddaughter for not wanting to use it.

I agree too, prefer phoning or texting by far.

Give it time. There is no point in having a forced conversation with her ... that benefits neither party.
My 11 year old GD can be quite rude in subtle ways, just staring you out when you speak to her for instance. I studiously ignore it ... she does not need me to tell her it is rude ... she already knows that.
Why does she do it? ... hormones, new school, feeling confused etc. ... who knows?
I take every opportunity to tell her positive things when the chance arises, and last time she was with me she gave me a big hug when she left. We are getting there bit by bit. This too will pass ...

I won’t FaceTime ever never mind someone of 12. lol don’t feel hurt she’s been put on the spot maybe she will send you text

When I was young, I hated being told to speak to whoever on the phone. It was especially cringy as mum was sitting right next to me almost goading me on and vetting what I said, and I was a very shy person. However, children these days are not that shy, and it takes nothing to lean over her Mum's shoulder and just say Hi Gran, then disappear off. In my opinion she is being rude, and allowed to be so. It is not your fault.

I can't stand it now, having a phone thrust at me and being told to "say hello".

It stems from being very shy and awkward, as a child, painfully so.

Everything is about “what her peer group think” at this age.
Their parents are tolerated only if they walk 10 paces behind and do not speak directly to the teen especially,particularly at parent/teacher evenings or similar.😉
It’ll pass try not to get so wrapped up in their lives as they are ever changing and growing away and seek the humour of it amongst allies .. (but maybe don’t laugh at them) ..well not in earshot.

Sky dancer and RosiesMaw are absolutely right- it’s partly her age and also as others have said, it’s trying to think of something to say -I hate FaceTime too- so much better talking to a person, if possible. It isn’t you at all.