Sick ad Tired

Your descriptions about your ex describe him as someone I would find absolutely repulsive and vile. It also speaks volumes about your son that he would argue that anyone who got into a near physical confrontation with his own wife should have access to his children. Where is his respect for the mother of his children? Where is his self-respect as a husband? Where is his judgement when it comes to providing positive, healthy examples of people to expose his children to? Blood entitles your ex to absolutely nothing if he cannot control his awful personality toward the mother of his grandchildren.

OP, if I were you I’d remove myself from the middle of this mess. 3 adults who seemingly cannot control themselves for the sake of the children and you who really has no stake in this taking it on.

This is a messy situation that appears to be precipitated by your messy ex and now your son who is likely driving his wife away is causing marital issues. None of this is your circus. Leave it well be. On another note, I do hope your DIL is taking a good hard look at your son and the man who raised him. I would not be so hopeful about the future with a man who would expose his children to anyone who has so little respect for their mother. Apples, trees and all.

We don’t know who pushed whom do we? He says, she says …

mean

Barleyfields - encouraged her to push him - whatever does this men? Isn't it what's called victim blaming?

My ex doesn't have boundaries. He does or says with supposedly no fear of consequences.

Could be the mood I am in, but I am fed up of men in particular, not caring what they sow.

If the grandfather may have pushed the daughter in law or encouraged her to push him, is he a good influence in the grandchildren’s lives? The OP says he has no boundaries. That doesn’t sound good.

However I agree that if she is allowed to see the grandchildren she should stay out of it.

Instead of arguing with her about it, your son should remind your d.i.l. that he's the children's father and if he wants his father, their GF to see them, they will.

If he is your ex I can't see why you need to be involved.. presumably you still see you DIL and grandchildren.. Let your ex fight his own battles..

Your ex is bad news

Stay out of it

If anything, apologize for taking his side - "make everybody see some reason"

In your position I would just make it clear that you don't intend to get involved and you won't have arguments about it in your house. Make your home a comforting place for GC where they know they won't have to listen to arguments - and for your son and DiL as well. I expect your son would appreciate that there is somewhere he can go where he wouldn't be arguing with his wife and/or his Dad. And that includes not discussing their business with others.

Thanks to all for your responses.

A run in is a disagreement.

What he did (depending on who is doing the explanation): supposedly he pushed her or she did him.

My ex doesn't have boundaries. He does or says with supposedly no fear of consequences.

It's a mess and though I have tried to help everyone see some reason, it gets frustrating.

Counseling is in the works, I am hopeful.

If it involves the law then there must be a very good reason unless the laws are quite different in the USA.

henetha it entirely depends on what the "run in" was I think.

Sad to hear of this situation. Hopefully in time it can all be resolved and everyone can forgive and forget.
It's best to keep out of it, as others have said. Least said, soonest mended is a good rule . I feel particularly sorry for the little children.
Best wishes.

What is a "run in " here , keepingitlight?

I think this is the problem.

Why does he keep “going near them” when he knows it’s a no.

Sounds creepy.

Leave it to your son to sort. It isn't good they are arguing in front of the kids I agree, but this isn't your battle to fight.

Just be a good Granny to them and show them you don't get involved in family disputes- they are still very young and need a steady sensible presence in their lives,

Indeed. We can’t possibly know what the ‘run in’ was about, so can’t comment on whether the little ones are being protected or used.

If your son and his wife are arguing about the situation that sounds as though he does not approve or agree with the ban.

Down to him to ensure his father has access to his children if he wishes.
If they start arguing in front of you state clearly 'this is not my business and don't discuss it in front of me or the children.' And keep on until they desist.

Madgran77

It's not possible to comment on this meaningfully without knowing what Grandpa did or said.

Quite!

If I were you I would keep out of this altogether. It is between your ex partner and your daughter in law. Don’t take sides, because it’s not your battle to fight however unreasonable either of them are being, and you will get caught in the crossfire, which will potentially damage your relationship with one or both of them too. I also wouldn’t be talking to anybody except your son about it - definitely not ‘countless others’.

It's not possible to comment on this meaningfully without knowing what Grandpa did or said.

If he's banned from seeing them I do not know what you can do. They hold all the cards and keeping grandchildren away from grandparents is now increasingly common in this country.. If you are banned how do you know what goes on when son and Dil are on their own. I would back right off.

It's understandable that after several months of this, you are sick and tired of it. Not sure from your wording if you and the grandfather are still together. But whether you are or not, I agree it's not good for this to be argued about in front of the young children. It's difficult to comment without more information though, like the general nature of the run in. Did he do or say something that is not in the children's best interest? And why is he going anywhere near them when he has been told not to do so. Is he intentionally aggravating the issue.
Maybe family counseling or mediation could help resolve this. Good luck.

Why only grandpa?