Sick ad Tired

Why only grandpa?

It's understandable that after several months of this, you are sick and tired of it. Not sure from your wording if you and the grandfather are still together. But whether you are or not, I agree it's not good for this to be argued about in front of the young children. It's difficult to comment without more information though, like the general nature of the run in. Did he do or say something that is not in the children's best interest? And why is he going anywhere near them when he has been told not to do so. Is he intentionally aggravating the issue.
Maybe family counseling or mediation could help resolve this. Good luck.

If he's banned from seeing them I do not know what you can do. They hold all the cards and keeping grandchildren away from grandparents is now increasingly common in this country.. If you are banned how do you know what goes on when son and Dil are on their own. I would back right off.

It's not possible to comment on this meaningfully without knowing what Grandpa did or said.

If I were you I would keep out of this altogether. It is between your ex partner and your daughter in law. Don’t take sides, because it’s not your battle to fight however unreasonable either of them are being, and you will get caught in the crossfire, which will potentially damage your relationship with one or both of them too. I also wouldn’t be talking to anybody except your son about it - definitely not ‘countless others’.

Madgran77

It's not possible to comment on this meaningfully without knowing what Grandpa did or said.

Quite!

If your son and his wife are arguing about the situation that sounds as though he does not approve or agree with the ban.

Down to him to ensure his father has access to his children if he wishes.
If they start arguing in front of you state clearly 'this is not my business and don't discuss it in front of me or the children.' And keep on until they desist.

Indeed. We can’t possibly know what the ‘run in’ was about, so can’t comment on whether the little ones are being protected or used.

Leave it to your son to sort. It isn't good they are arguing in front of the kids I agree, but this isn't your battle to fight.

Just be a good Granny to them and show them you don't get involved in family disputes- they are still very young and need a steady sensible presence in their lives,

Why does he keep “going near them” when he knows it’s a no.

Sounds creepy.

What is a "run in " here , keepingitlight?

I think this is the problem.

Sad to hear of this situation. Hopefully in time it can all be resolved and everyone can forgive and forget.
It's best to keep out of it, as others have said. Least said, soonest mended is a good rule . I feel particularly sorry for the little children.
Best wishes.

henetha it entirely depends on what the "run in" was I think.

If it involves the law then there must be a very good reason unless the laws are quite different in the USA.

Thanks to all for your responses.

A run in is a disagreement.

What he did (depending on who is doing the explanation): supposedly he pushed her or she did him.

My ex doesn't have boundaries. He does or says with supposedly no fear of consequences.

It's a mess and though I have tried to help everyone see some reason, it gets frustrating.

Counseling is in the works, I am hopeful.

In your position I would just make it clear that you don't intend to get involved and you won't have arguments about it in your house. Make your home a comforting place for GC where they know they won't have to listen to arguments - and for your son and DiL as well. I expect your son would appreciate that there is somewhere he can go where he wouldn't be arguing with his wife and/or his Dad. And that includes not discussing their business with others.

Your ex is bad news

Stay out of it

If anything, apologize for taking his side - "make everybody see some reason"

If he is your ex I can't see why you need to be involved.. presumably you still see you DIL and grandchildren.. Let your ex fight his own battles..

Instead of arguing with her about it, your son should remind your d.i.l. that he's the children's father and if he wants his father, their GF to see them, they will.

If the grandfather may have pushed the daughter in law or encouraged her to push him, is he a good influence in the grandchildren’s lives? The OP says he has no boundaries. That doesn’t sound good.

However I agree that if she is allowed to see the grandchildren she should stay out of it.

My ex doesn't have boundaries. He does or says with supposedly no fear of consequences.

Could be the mood I am in, but I am fed up of men in particular, not caring what they sow.

Barleyfields - encouraged her to push him - whatever does this men? Isn't it what's called victim blaming?

mean

We don’t know who pushed whom do we? He says, she says …