I am having a hard time watching the mistakes my son and girlfriend are making in parenting my 1-year-old granddaughter.

You will have to keep quiet, I'm afraid. If advice is asked for, then fine, but otherwise, stay silent.

Sleepygran

I only had one dc myself who was ‘difficult’
Everyone said she was like that because we never left her to cry!
We found out much later she had kidney issues and possibly allergies.
My mil never criticised our parenting and I took my lead from her when my gc came along.
We have a lovely relationship now with my dc as an adult, and the gc. They are all lovely polite and caring individuals.
Some kids ideally need gentler parenting,some are more robust.we have to deal with what we’ve got!

Yes, my 'colicky baby' turned out to be colicky for a reason.

Astitchintime

The baby is one year old, away from home and might just be feeling a little unwell.
OP states she will play contentedly and then start to grizzle at which point she gets attention (unless I have misunderstood) - I wonder if anyone is actually on her level playing along with her? Could the grizzling be attention seeking?
Either way OP keep you opinions to yourself as interference can lead to ill feeling between you adults; just enjoy having them all there with you.

Yes, the amount of time I spent on the floor with DC1, piling up those cups in a tower etc only for them to be knocked down again!
A subsequent child is easier because there is the older one who is happy (for a while at least) to pile up the bricks etc.

Presumably the baby has some toys suitable for her age group at your house? Toys which might be a bit different to those she has at home. Does she like books and being read to?
No need for you to criticise or advise, just sit and play with her or read to her when she's at your house. Enjoy her and let your son and partner take over the kitchen a couple of times so you don't end up frazzled.

Sleepygran

I only had one dc myself who was ‘difficult’
Everyone said she was like that because we never left her to cry!
We found out much later she had kidney issues and possibly allergies.
My mil never criticised our parenting and I took my lead from her when my gc came along.
We have a lovely relationship now with my dc as an adult, and the gc. They are all lovely polite and caring individuals.
Some kids ideally need gentler parenting,some are more robust.we have to deal with what we’ve got!

I agree with you. My difficult one had a hard journey into the world, horrible forceps delivery and I was so bruised the student midwives were constantly arriving at my bed asking if they could have a look. In the end I got so fed up of it I said I was selling tickets if they'd like to buy one. They took the hint. If you think how badly I was bruised just imagine how his little head was squashed by the forceps and how long did it take for him to recover?

I also have another family member with a similar experience, one happy relaxed baby and one with a difficult forceps delivery who was cranky to say the least. Some babies just need extra TLC because of pain or illness and no parent should be judged for giving a baby the care it needs.

The baby is one year old, away from home and might just be feeling a little unwell.
OP states she will play contentedly and then start to grizzle at which point she gets attention (unless I have misunderstood) - I wonder if anyone is actually on her level playing along with her? Could the grizzling be attention seeking?
Either way OP keep you opinions to yourself as interference can lead to ill feeling between you adults; just enjoy having them all there with you.

Thepanaramawoman

What makes you say that your son “only wants to please his girlfriend” ?

The question is why is wanting to please his girlfriend? seen as a downer. Of course he does, he loves her and they have this beautiful child whom they both adore.

Some women find it destabilising to discover that they are no longer the main woman in their son's lives and that another woman, be it wife or girlfriend has supplanted them. I wonder if this is happening here.

I do sympathise OP as I feel I’m on the sidelines watching two exhausted parents try to cope with two youngsters under 8 who seem to constantly fight with each other and call the shots. The parents are exhausted but seem to lack the boundaries that we had in place. Like eating at the table, sitting on a sofa when out visiting rather than using it as a trampoline. When in their own company the kids are fine and tend to listen but put them together, even without their parents and they egg each other on. It’s really hard work babysitting them and hard to be a bystander watching this without trying to suggest. My suggestions aren’t welcome.

I only had one dc myself who was ‘difficult’
Everyone said she was like that because we never left her to cry!
We found out much later she had kidney issues and possibly allergies.
My mil never criticised our parenting and I took my lead from her when my gc came along.
We have a lovely relationship now with my dc as an adult, and the gc. They are all lovely polite and caring individuals.
Some kids ideally need gentler parenting,some are more robust.we have to deal with what we’ve got!

Only a year old ? One of my 4 was like that until she went to school. If it’s any consolation she is now a happy adult with a successful career - and a daughter who is quite a whinger herself. He he, what goes round, comes round sometimes. Don’t worry about it.

What makes you say that your son “only wants to please his girlfriend” ?

OP the child is one , she’s probably teething or unsettled by the journey or being in a strange house .
We took my DS on his first flight at 10 months , he was unsettled, cranky and we discovered he was teething .

After 19 years of biting my tongue there is barely any of it left. First lesson of being a grandma - keep your opinions to yourself.

Their child, their rules.

Baby sounds entirely normal and so do the parents, although there is of course the posibility that there is a physical or health reason why she grizzles a lot.

Quite smply, unless you have very good reason to be concerned the child is being abused by their parents and that sounds very unlikely, quite simply it is none of your business how they choose to bring up their child.

I suspect my mother was sometimes askance at my parenting techniques, but she kept it to herself.

I went through this with two of my grandchildren .
My daughter has found it hard to cope with her daughter's moods and tantrums .
The behaviour of my grandson concerns me .
His parents can't cope with him and never set any boundaries .
Neither child seems happy .
I have hesitated saying anything - it doesn't go down well .

TN and FL.

Tennessee and Florida?

My DM couldn't resist criticising my parenting, and comparing it to my siblings.
It didn't endear me to her. Reminded me not to take her on holiday with us ever again.

Having had six GCs I've learned that my input wasn't needed. I had to bite my lip a few times but so glad I did.

Four of them are adults now and they are all happy and confident.
We all have our ways of bringing them up and nobody can say what's right or wrong.

It's easy to focus on the negatives. I'm still a little like this with my GC who are a little older.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that their parents are much better than I was in some ways and just keep my mouth shut.

Let us know if you think they are doing anything right? If not then you need to take a look at yourself. No one is perfect and parenting is hard.

They are still learning their child is only one year old. Many people probably made mistakes with their first child. Give them time to adapt to being Parents, it can be quite overwhelming.

Life comes with hard times, OP. I'm sure you never made any mistakes with your children. Say nothing.Do nothing. Boil away quietly to yourself.

Could it be that the parents are ill at ease too? They may have noticed critical looks even if you've said nothing and the baby will pick up those vibes.

Her very brief moments of contentment, such as when eating or playing, are interrupted after a few minutes when she seems to remember to complain, and everyone scrambles again to pacify her
🤔

Interfering is not recommended BUT you could keep an eye open to note if the crankiness coincides with any foods eg milk, wheat etc.
How you would handle that if you thought it was a food intolerance I'm not sure.

Small children don't really like being away from home do they.
They are often more grumpy in unfamiliar surroundings. The parents probably know you are a bit critical of their way of doing things but they know their own child best.
I don't think you need to do anything and certainly not compare this child to your other grandchildren.

You could try minding your own business.

Just a bit of information for you, I have 4 children and 3 of them were happy contented babies/toddlers/children. Number 4 was a completely different character, if he'd been first he'd probably be an only child. Your GC is an individual, a person in their own right, not one of your children or your other GC. Maybe your son and his partner are so attentive because they know their own child and how much attention their child needs. You should be proud of them.

Is there anything I can do?

I a word - No.

Not sure where TN or FL are - is it a long haul flight or long car journey?
She'd away from her usual home, toys, routine and might be tired, teething or just cranky.