I am having a hard time watching the mistakes my son and girlfriend are making in parenting my 1-year-old granddaughter.

I notice the BOT never came back 🤔

Only what you are doing! They are doing the "kind parenting" thing. There are books on it. It is a disaster and producing un-nappy trained spoilt brats who rule households rather than fit into routines, but it's their baby and the gospel of the internet says they must have everything as they want it even if it's ridiculous. Let them learn the hard way.

Dont be a smarty pants. They are the experts with their child just like you were with yours.

I understand the frustration but you really need to keep quiet unless they ask for advice, then still tread carefully. As others have said she’s only one, away from her normal routine and so probably feeling unsettled. Also your son and his girlfriend are probably trying too hard to keep her from causing you, their host, from being too put out. The little one has probably picked up the underlying tension which isn’t helping. Again my eldest was an absolute nightmare until they started school but his younger brother was the complete opposite. Personalities are different even at such a young age.

Pgdarb1 it's really hard to sit on your hands and keep your mouth zipped up! I'm a grandmother to 7 and the number of times I've wanted to interfere is impossible to count! Even today I wanted to offer some "helpful" thoughts.

I keep quiet for ages and then I might say "I know you'll probably ignore me but I just need to say this once and then I won't raise it again... " - and then I don't.

Doing it this way releases the tension, we all manage to laugh and I don't discuss my "thoughts" on whatever the topic is unless asked later. It is helpful to me, they know whatever it was I'm thinking but they also know that I believe the parents are always in charge.

My adult children and partners know I'm pretty opinionated on the whole - and that I'm only saying things because I love them.

I confess I also do this with other topics. Not just child-rearing.

Regarding development, some parents can't bear to think there is something potentially "wrong". Just don't compare. One is very young and different infants develop very differently.

Of my 5 babies I had one walking at 7 months but not talking much till she was quite old. She then spoke in whole sentences. Another had great motor skills and was happy to walk long distances as soon as she was mobile whereas her brother struggled to enjoy even a very short walk. One baby only ever slept in my arms... the next would sleep anywhere (and all day).

I think we were quite confident parents (we were probably too young to realise how hard it can be as they grow) but it is hard to watch the people we love most in the world finding it difficult.

Just love that they are sharing their precious little one with you. Try to relax (so that they can too) and just keep reminding them of the things that they are doing well.
Your love can only make them stronger if you are positive about them.

Thinking of you.

Well, the OP hasn't been back yet so are we talking into an empty space?
Has Pgdarb1 left the building?

Perhaps, as you know to keep your mouth shut - just do it.

AC need no advice, opinions, or "help" with their children, imo.

I wonder at OP’s use of “my grand daughter” as opposed to “their daughter”.
It speaks volumes to me.
Unless you are aware of physical or mental abuse, deprivation or any other sort of cruelty you need to keep schtum.
Who is to say they are wrong and you are right?
Grannies can contribute a lot to relationships but only when they keep to their own side of the line!

It's very difficult, but please just do not say anything. One word can borrow another, then you have a full scale argument on your hands. These situations can be hard to fix. Just enjoy your time with them.

Thepanaramawoman

What makes you say that your son “only wants to please his girlfriend” ?

I think it’s coded language for “I keep try to interfere by pushing my son to take my advice on how to raise his child and go against his girlfriend but he won’t”.

I hope the OP is not alluding to this one year old needing some strict physical discipline, but her son’s girlfriend won’t allow it. I lived in the US for many years. The way people there, especially in the south, think nothing of physical discipline for small children is quite scary.

Sounds like it’s been very, very long since you’ve parented a one year old and are looking back with rose-tinted glasses. You weren’t a perfect parent. No one is or was. They will figure it out just like you did, same as the rest of us. Stop judging and stop worrying. That’s a recipe for pushing them away. They will be fine.

This might just be due to your GD's personality, rather than the parenting she's receiving. As others have mentioned, not all children come out the same! My MIL once told me that she was driven half insane by one of her sons and almost left his pram outside the Salvation Army, in despair! My DH and his eldest brother were a dream to look after, but the middle one was grumpy, demanding and, on occasion downright nasty. It wasn't BIL's health that caused the childhood problems, but you might perhaps encourage your S & GIL to speak to a doctor just to be sure.

Don’t know how far TN is from FL but assume it’s some distance so wonder how you know so much about their parental failings.
You have received good advice so dont need to add my opinion other than unless the child is at serious risk, she is not yours and it’s rare for a new parent receives unasked for childcare advice with grateful smiles.

The OP came on here with a legitimate concern & asked for advice. Your comment was unnecessarily judgemental, worriedwell.

There may be a hint of anti-girlfriend feeling in the OP, and it would be advisable for the OP to try not to let that develop into a problem.

I think coming on here criticising her son and his partner was unkind. Judging them was unkind. I gave her good advice if she wants to see them in the future

theworriedwell

You could try minding your own business.

Just a bit of information for you, I have 4 children and 3 of them were happy contented babies/toddlers/children. Number 4 was a completely different character, if he'd been first he'd probably be an only child. Your GC is an individual, a person in their own right, not one of your children or your other GC. Maybe your son and his partner are so attentive because they know their own child and how much attention their child needs. You should be proud of them.

Why do some people have to give such abrupt and unkind replies? Your comment was unnecessary. I hope you feel better now!
Some people amaze me!

Allira mine certainly were particularly number 4. As an adult he's the easiest if the lot.

theworriedwell

I wonder how I managed to get it right for 3 and then got it wrong with number 4 even thought I did all the same things? It almost makes me think that babies are individual human beings and vary just like us adults do.

It almost makes me think that babies are individual human beings and vary just like us adults do
😁 Aren't they just!

Yes please keep quiet unless advice is asked. My MIL has always kept quiet but MIL sister ALWAYS has something to say and thinks she knows my child best. We now keep away from her for this very reason. Nothing annoys a parent more than advice not asked for.

I wonder how I managed to get it right for 3 and then got it wrong with number 4 even thought I did all the same things? It almost makes me think that babies are individual human beings and vary just like us adults do.

I think they may sense that you’re judging their parenting and that will make them tense which won’t help them.

The baby is picking up vibes from the parents who are clearly insecure, although they have had a year to get used to having a child. She has learnt that the way to get attention is to grouse. Babies are quick to learn! All you can do is to keep quiet. A grandma's place is 'in the wrong'.

Hi Pgdarb1 Try not to worry too much. I notice, when our granddaughters (1 and 4) come to visit, the stress levels soar. Parents can't relax because they're not on home ground. Sibling rivalry for attention rockets. One year old throws everything she can get her hands on, including her lunch if Granny's cooking isn't up to scratch.

If your Dgd has any developmental problems these should be picked up when she starts at nursery/school.

Rearing these little ones is hard work for everyone. Your granddaughter is lucky to have you on her team.

Cossy

I had two seemingly perfect and placid babies/toddlers, followed by two absolute horrors!

My advice, enjoy what time you can spend with your grandchild and keep very quiet!

It's a shock isn't it. I had number one, placid, slept perfectly, he'd obviously read all the books. Added bonus was he never touched things he wasn't supposed to so no need to move anything out of his way. Number two was a happy healthy baby but a bit of a whirlwind and prone to accidents because he was always wanting to do things just outside his abilities. He liked to touch everything he wasn't supposed to. Number 3 was an angel and a baby who lies awake in their cot playing with their fingers and toes until you go into them and then greets you with a big smile is truly a joy. Number 4 was a grumpy miserable nightmare. Mobile very early and nothing was safe. The screaming was on a whole different scale.

I had to realise that all the positives of the previous 3 was no credit to me and my brilliant parenting, it was just their personalities.

Number 4 is a happy successful adult but it took years to get there.

I had two seemingly perfect and placid babies/toddlers, followed by two absolute horrors!

My advice, enjoy what time you can spend with your grandchild and keep very quiet!