No visitors at the hospital

When I had my three in the 70’s, we were in hospital for a week. It was the norm for family to visit, not just the grandparents. All three were in the special nursery, so my visitors never saw them. Visiting time was very limited, unlike today, so it was good to have a little bit of company during the one hour visiting time in the afternoon and evening. DH was at work, so could only visit in the evenings. I wouldn’t have wanted too many visitors to the house though if I was home with a new baby one day after the birth. I would have ‘allowed’ my mum though.

good advise from others.. I don't think I saw my parents for a couple of weeks and he was a first GC.. it's become very normal now to have this little family bonding experience.. just give them space and love

"Heartbroken" - "My joy is gone."

Kindly - this is a huge overreaction. There will be lots of precious moments to come with this new baby. Let them do it their way. It is not a judgement on you - it is just how they want to play this.

But more importantly the way you respond to this will set the tone for your relationship with your son and this little family in the years to come. If you get upset they will back off and be treading on eggshells with you, and it will spoil things for them and for your future with them. If you smile and say you respect that and will look forward to seeing baby when it suits them, you will be getting off on the right foot and setting the tone for the future - a future where they feel secure that you will respect their wishes and not overstep the mark.

Take a deep breath - put on that smiling face - send them your love.

I feel these new, with emphasis on new parents are being very silly and I wonder where this trend has come from, which baby-rearing manual is promoting this.

That said, you will meet the baby soon enough; there is little to make you' tear up and and be heartbroken' and say'my joy has gone' before the baby is even born. Perhaps they know you are over emotional and it is this which makes them want to be alone with the baby.
And do not get into a competition of being first granny.

For goodness sake!! Anyone would think you were being banned for life! Every new Mum has her own way of introducing her new baby to everyone. Be happy for her and be pleased and grateful when invited to your first meeting.

Please just go with the 'flow'. Believe you me the flow will change time and time again"! I know it hurts but stay quiet and calm.

I loved my home births. The house was crowded with visitors soon afterwards, my mum and her two sisters came and brought food, made endless cups of tea and played with my three year old. Two elderly neighbours visited (separately) - one had never had children, I will never forget the look of joy on their faces as they held my newly born baby. The house felt full of love for this new little soul. My husband and I had endless hours day and night to just bond.

But times and attitudes change, we have to go with it and keep our feelings to ourselves. In the long term it doesn’t make a lot of difference to our future relationship with our grandchildren and it’s important to bear in mind we (hopefully) have years ahead of us to love them.

It never even occurred to me to be upset because i didn't get invited to see my new grandson in hospital.
They sent photos and were home the next day and we went round then.
Please don't let this spoil things - it really, really doesn't matter. Hopefully they will send you photo's. What does matter is all the joy you will have over the coming days, months and years

YABU. Did you honestly want your own parents and inlaws crowding around the newborn?

One thing I valued about my hospital deliveries was that visits were carefully controlled.
When I had a homebirth my room seemed to be filled with wellwishers. DH was even allowing random neighbours in until i told him to please say no. He was so proud.

I remember wishing desperately that this wife of a colleague of DH would leave me in peace with my baby.

All she wanted was to tell me about her own birth experiences.

My DMiL was the perfect visitor. She arrived with a fabulous homecooked meal for us, and champagne, had a quick cuddle and then left us alone.

It’s hard, OP, but sadly this seems to be a fashion now.
I do find it odd that not even grandparents are allowed to visit. Dh and I met all 3 Gdcs within a few hours of birth. And I’m sure dd would have been happy to see the ILs, too, only they live a 3 hour drive away, so their first visit was later.

I know I’m lucky that dd is a very chilled type, though.
At 3 weeks her 3rd baby was taken to visit the other grandparents, and was passed around for cuddles with a lot of family and friends, no problem.
Some people on MN would have forty fits, I know!

“I’m absolutely baffled that you feel so desperate to visit the baby in hospital. Don’t you think it’s fair that the new mother might like a day, a few days, even a week or so, before seeing anyone? It won’t make a scrap of difference to the baby, nor to your future relationship or role as a grandparent. Why on earth would you be so upset? They’ll take lots of photos, what difference do you expect to make? Give them as much time as they want and don’t make it all about your feelings - you’ve had your turn as a new mother, just let this go.”

Totally agree with twiglet77. OP your reaction is over the top.

They'll be home in no time, and they he older they get the more interesting they are - even your grandchildren! Mine are now 3, 6 and 10, and I see them in the holidays and whenever I can. We do plenty of FaceTime calls as well, and we're able take an interest in their activities.

I think it’s such a shame that new parents don’t want visitors these days,
I couldn’t wait for family and friends to meet my babies. It’s all very self centred (IMO).

Having said all that, I’m sure it won’t be long before you see the little one so just abide by their wishes and wait to be invited.

My poor Mum and Dad didn’t see their first born grandchild until she was 2 snd a half as I gave birth overseas
Then history repeated itself and I didn’t see my first born grandchild until she was 2 +++ as she was born in NZ
All 7 of my grandchildren were born overseas 2 returned to my town and I had a lot of time with them 3 moved to Ireland and I saw plenty of them but the two in NZ I didn’t see too much of ever
It’s life
Take it as it comes be happy with what you are handed

Redgran18

My mum taught me how to breastfeed. Midwives were hopeless( 1980’s) .Wanting “ time to bond” over the first few days is just a silly fad set off in social media, by people who have no idea how handy it is to have a steady pair of hands ready when as new parents, you are sleepless and clueless! I’m a gran to six now, this has never happened to me yet. But don’t let it get to you, their baby, their rules. You’ll soon be able to cuddle your new grandchild.

Plenty of folks figure out how to be experts on their own children without grandparents with savior complexes taking over. New parents rightfully expect fathers to pitch in. I’m pretty sure no one ever died because mum and dad rather than mum and gran/midwives chose to acclimate to their baby the first few days alone. All this silly “in the old days” talk is just that. Things change. What’s the point in getting upset that new mums do things their own way?

I think if people are the bulldozer type who just says "take me as I am or not at all" they should never be surprised if someone chooses "not at all" and should be wholly grateful if it is just "not now" or "not as often".

Be grateful its just at the hospital. Some new parents are not allowing any visitors even at home for anything from two weeks to 2 months.

tootsiehughie

So agree with Merlotgran. For goodness sake....you are not taking away any "bonding" by seeing your grandchild early on! Honestly....these modern day luvvies think they know everything. It will make absolutely no difference to the baby if you "pop in" for a few minutes. And of course, it will make you as grandparent very happy. If the parents can't agree to this then I feel very sorry for you.

You are literally taking bonding time away if you are insisting on them carving out time for a hospital visit for a short stay after a woman has given birth. If they say so, no one else can say otherwise. You cannot speak for these parents.

There is nothing being taken away from a grandparent who doesn’t visit in the hospital. Not one single thing. If we’re old enough to be grandparents we are old enough to recognize that not everything is about us and how we feel. A mother who just gave birth takes precedent over a grandmother. The grandmothers who fail to recognize this no doubt become unnecessarily problematic. Our role is to support, not create drama over nothing. This is nothing to be dramatic over.

I think the lesson that must be learnt is that, if everyone is excluded from visiting for a short time, those wishes should be respected. If others have been included but yourself excluded then, there is a reason. In some way having you there would be more stressful. I'd strongly advise finding out why that is the case and rectifying it rather quickly.

All of my family, myself included couldn’t wait to show off baby, it’s the most rewarding time. Once the euphoria has worn off then you are pleased to see loved ones again but to give you chance to recuperate, have a blissful couple of hours sleep or a nice bath knowing baby is in a safe and loving pair of arms. Your turn will be most welcome, embrace when it does Gransnetter.

They don't like us being 'entitled' these days, or to have feelings I'm afraid x

Not having relatives near me when my children were born I can't understand this "must see gc immediately after birth" mentality. There are loads of way to communicate nowadays and if the parents want some time to themselves with no intrusion from others, allow them to have it. Sure you will be invited before long.

Total over reaction ! Your time will come !

You can't just 'pop in' to a maternity ward, there's a window for visitors which is usually a few hours but as long as it's straight forward birth, they want you up and out.

I had my last baby at 9am and I was being sent home by 12.

All but one of my DGC were home within 24 hours of birth (one was a planned C Section). The one we visited in hospital was because DD was being kept in. We gave the new parents a couple of days before dropping in for a short time.

OP, look forward to many years of grandparenthood, but give the parents space.