No visitors at the hospital

Firstly, if you’re in the UK and it’s a straightforward birth then it’s likely they’ll all be home the next day.

Secondly ask them very nicely if they will send you photos asap they all feel up to it.

Finally, congrats on the imminent birth of your first GC. It’s an exciting time for all.

Just share the joy when you’re invited to, and good luck

I am sorry, but I have to say 'good for them'! I think they are very wise to say no visitors at the hospital, that way no one can claim to have had the first cuddle, seen the baby first etc.

Doesn't bonding with baby involve skin to skin contact by both parents? Surely they have a right to privacy whilst doing so.

New mums and their babies tend to not stay in hospital very long anyway and I am sure there will be plenty of opportunity for cuddles with your new grandchild - just take direction from the new parents and all will be fine.

You will be this child's grandparent for the rest of your life. A few days at the beginning are utterly unimportant to the baby.

You really really have to take a step (a few actually) back and let them be as they wish. Being so pushy and controlling will not bode well in future, I am afraid. Sorry to be blunt.

I think you are being unreasonable. Try and remember when you gave birth to your son. Even if it was an uncomplicated birth, did you really want to receive visitors within hours??

Don't take it too personally though I know is a tough ask, some new parents now ask for grandparents to give them time to bond with the baby before visiting. Try to send a nice care package when the get home - as Cossy has said if it is the UK and a straightfoward birth they could be out in 24 hours - order some nice bits from M&S or Waitrose, nice soups, lovely artisan bread, luxury biccies, tasty cheese and snacks etc., they will be glad of it in those first few frenetic days.
And keep contact via text or whatsapp rather than phoning for now, asking how things are going and sending lots of love and supportive messages.
Am pretty sure they will be asking you to visit soon and you will get to hold your gorgeous new grandchild.
Congrats and all the best xxx

Well congratulations how wonderful your first GC. Please don’t be upset it’s just how people seem to want to do it nowadays. Soon enough you’ll be able to meet the baby and make a fuss. You have to be patient or risk causing a rift or bad feeling, send congratulations and be happy for them. Could be the more you push them the more they’ll resist.

I have to say that if breastfeeding the first few days/weeks can be a trial for the new mum, is often not easy and of course no new mum wants visitors to witness such a struggle and neither does a new mum want to keep having to go into another room to struggle whilst visitors enjoy themselves elsewhere.

I must be odd because I couldn’t wait for family and very close friends to see my baby
My C were the same.
I saw, for a brief 20 mins or so, 4 of my GC within a few hours of their birth.
I do know now though that it is the norm to not want visitors.

I’m absolutely baffled that you feel so desperate to visit the baby in hospital. Don’t you think it’s fair that the new mother might like a day, a few days, even a week or so, before seeing anyone? It won’t make a scrap of difference to the baby, nor to your future relationship or role as a grandparent. Why on earth would you be so upset? They’ll take lots of photos, what difference do you expect to make? Give them as much time as they want and don’t make it all about your feelings - you’ve had your turn as a new mother, just let this go.

Sorry but it is not about you! I didn't hold my own twins for 6wks after their premature birth - they were in icu. Your time will come very soon if the birth went well. Only 4hrs in some cases.

Oops forgot to say many congratulations.

Usedtobeblonde

I must be odd because I couldn’t wait for family and very close friends to see my baby
My C were the same.
I saw, for a brief 20 mins or so, 4 of my GC within a few hours of their birth.
I do know now though that it is the norm to not want visitors.

I agree and as for skin to skin….They had DH so gowned and masked up I hardly recognised him myself yet the baby didn’t seem to mind. 😂

Same thing happened to me. I’d seen my daughters baby straight away and was upset that I wasn’t allowed to see my sons baby ( his wife’s family were allowed to visit). I didn’t even want to stay…just see her ( it was an event that I thought would never happen for various reasons).They didn’t even phone me to say baby had been born safely till the following morning ( I knew she was being induced) so I was a wreck by the time I got the phone call. I think a lot of it is down to the classes they go to during pregnancy. As it happened I did see the baby because we were at the hospital that day anyway for another very sad reason. I’m not particularly baby minded; didn’t feel the need to hold the baby or anything like that. Just wanted to see my son holding a much longed for child.

I really think you are over reacting. Many grandparents cannot see their new grandchild the day it is born because they do not live near enough.

I didn't see my grandchildren for a day or so, my parents in law didn't see their grandchildren for a week.

I think you are in danger of becoming one of those smother grandmothers that parents come on to GN asking how to cope with a grandmother who doesn't know how to leave a proper distance between themselves, their children and grandchildren.

Fantastic. Do defend their little bonding bubble with your life. You waited 9 months, a little more time so that they may have the wonderful joy of just existing with a newborn while exhausted and vulnerable will work wonders for them. Rather like this trend, wish it had been around in my day. I could have done without the visitors when all I needed was a newborn to sleep so I could.

For goodness sake, what do you think you would be doing with a newborn that you will miss if you don't see it immediately? My first grandchild was born during lockdown so we didn't see her in the flesh for a good few weeks. We had loads of photos and videos of her and our relationship with her is great. It's about what the parents think is best for them and the baby, you have to learn to fit around them.

I have 3 grandchildren and one great granddaughter.I saw 2 in the hospital and2 after they were home.

It would never have occurred to me to be upset about not going to the hospital!It is such a special and emotional time for the new parents,their time.

The most important thing is that Mother and baby are healthy.

I really don't see why people think they are helping the OP with their stories of not being allowed, able or wanting to see their own GC soon after birth and telling her she is being unreasonable. If she has a good relationship with her DS and his wife and is able to visit it is perfectly natural. Our DD and her DH phoned us within an hour of each child's birth and his parents saw them first cos they live close by, with us following a couple of hours later. We didn't stay long of course but the memory of seeing that first grandchild so soon will stay with me for the rest of my life. After all, it had been ME my DD asked to be with her when a year earlier she had had a traumatic miscarriage and went to have it cleared from her womb.

I know that fashions change, and a great deal is now made of bonding, but it doesn't have to be instant.

We kept our distance in the coming weeks apart from taking ready-made meals to them, doing some shopping and anything else they asked for but never overstayed our welcome.

My elder DD is nearly 200 miles away so it won't happen like that again, more's the pity.

They have the right idea. They need to bond and why did you think you would be there straight away? Wait and I’m sure it will be worth it.

Madmeg

I really don't see why people think they are helping the OP with their stories of not being allowed, able or wanting to see their own GC soon after birth and telling her she is being unreasonable. If she has a good relationship with her DS and his wife and is able to visit it is perfectly natural. Our DD and her DH phoned us within an hour of each child's birth and his parents saw them first cos they live close by, with us following a couple of hours later. We didn't stay long of course but the memory of seeing that first grandchild so soon will stay with me for the rest of my life. After all, it had been ME my DD asked to be with her when a year earlier she had had a traumatic miscarriage and went to have it cleared from her womb.

I know that fashions change, and a great deal is now made of bonding, but it doesn't have to be instant.

We kept our distance in the coming weeks apart from taking ready-made meals to them, doing some shopping and anything else they asked for but never overstayed our welcome.

My elder DD is nearly 200 miles away so it won't happen like that again, more's the pity.

What do you suggest will help OP, if not trying to help her manage her expectations?

Surely bragging that the fact you got to see your grandchild so new was so special is just cruel?

Well really good for them! Hospital stays are so short these days as it is and the focus on skin to skin time with the baby and with new mums trying to establish breastfeeding and recover - they absolutely should get a little time to themselves. Surely you can wait for them to be home at least. - being so distraught to have “lost all joy “ about it is being incredibly over dramatic. I would advise you to take a giant step back and repeat the words “this is not my baby and I am merely a small part of its extended family “ until it sinks in. And also to remember that your expectations are clearly not inline with the parents and that you need to reign those in going forward as well

I worked for 17 years on a busy Delivery Suite. The midwife would always ask what the soon-to-be parents wanted in the way of visitors during and after delivery. As a ward clerk, it was my job to inform those who were ignoring the new parents wishes, that they would be unable to visit. A lot of people accepted that, albeit begrudgingly, but I have had some pretty dreadful verbal abuse thrown at me by others. I had to call security one time to 2 'ladies' who were desperate to be the first to see their new grandchild.
I don't blame them wanting time together.
For pity's sake, celebrate becoming a Granny to a healthy grandchild who you will have years to spend time with instead of tearing up because all your joy has gone.

I think you’re over reacting big time, but I also don’t understand this modern need ‘to bond’ You bond whatever time you have together I didn’t see my dad till I was over one year old ( war) but we ‘bonded’ for life but that aside it’s entirely up to them and you must suck it up and do what and the way they want it and be happy you ve got a first grandchild and stop this silly need to grab the first moments they want that time alone and you need to accept that
It’s not your child and not your call you ll get your turn don’t ruin things
Enjoy your new addition