No visitors at the hospital

You have so much to look forward too FirstTimeGMa so don't let something that you cannot change spoil it before it's even begun.

After all, it had been ME my DD asked to be with her when a year earlier she had had a traumatic miscarriage and went to have it cleared from her womb

What an unnecessarily graphic way of saying she had a D &C .

You really need to address this before it eats you up and only you can effect a change to how you deal with it because if you get this wrong you will be the person who suffers.
Be grateful for the safe arrival for a healthy baby and be aware that your feelings are no longer centre stage. You have moved up a generation - they are the new parents, this is their little miracle.
Be there for them but let them know you will not crowd their space. Find out what help they will need and discreetly be ready to offer and do it their way.
As for visiting in hospital - my youngest D was out later the same day with her first baby! We did visit D2 as she had to stay in for a few days but she was in a ward with 3 other mums - and Dads - and it was pretty crowded. Some whole families insisted on flocking in which made it noisy, busy and far from restful for the new mums.
Some new mums can’t wait to show off their new baby, others may be exhausted, in discomfort, emotions and hormones all over the place.
Take your lead from them and start a wonderful journey as a loving and loved Gran- not an entitled mum.

Lathyrus3

I think “heartbroken” and “joy is gone” are massive, massive over-reactions to what is merely a disappointment.

Life must be very difficult for you if such a minor thing sends you into such a massive spiral.

I sincerely hope that all goes well with the birth and that you see your son, DIL and grandchild happy and well within a few days.

Not everyone is that fortunate.

My thoughts exactly.

Iam64

There’s good advice here. It’s up to the new first time parents to make decisions from cradle onwards. Our role as grandparents is to adore their children and support the next generation of babies. It really isn’t all about us

Yes, this. Hard as it may sound, this is their baby, not yours and although I understand how keen you may be to see your grandchild, you really need to be guided by their wishes.

There’s good advice here. It’s up to the new first time parents to make decisions from cradle onwards. Our role as grandparents is to adore their children and support the next generation of babies. It really isn’t all about us

Claremont

You really really have to take a step (a few actually) back and let them be as they wish. Being so pushy and controlling will not bode well in future, I am afraid. Sorry to be blunt.

This! You will be a grandparent not a parent. Their baby, their rules, you need to accept that now if you want a good relationship with them all.

I think “heartbroken” and “joy is gone” are massive, massive over-reactions to what is merely a disappointment.

Life must be very difficult for you if such a minor thing sends you into such a massive spiral.

I sincerely hope that all goes well with the birth and that you see your son, DIL and grandchild happy and well within a few days.

Not everyone is that fortunate.

Hospital stays are now so short I am sure you will see baby soon. 55 years ago when I had my first baby only my mum was allowed to visit other than DH. With my DDs all and sundry turned up, fashions change.
Have fun soon

I'm so excited for a friend with her first grandchild on the way, when she never expected to be a gran. Even though she lives many miles away, in these days of facetime, she may well see more of her grandchild's first few days than if she lived 100m down the road.

I can understand how difficult this must be for you but I think you will have to accept the situation

My first GC was born at home and I was invited to visit within hours.

On the other hand when I had my own DD, I went into hospital at 27 weeks hardly had any visitors only DH for weeks, then when she was born after a traumatic few weeks and a difficult birth we were surrounded by visitors in the first few days. I found it so stressful

Please respect the parents on this, you have so many years of joy ahead of you ❤️

Didn’t see my first GC until he was 3 months old as he was in Australia.

But I agree with others about all this ‘bonding’ nonsense nowadays.

‘Skin to skin’ etc.

Far too much made if it all, 50 years ago you managed to ‘bond’ perfectly well without all this hoo haa.

I think you’re over reacting big time, but I also don’t understand this modern need ‘to bond’ You bond whatever time you have together I didn’t see my dad till I was over one year old ( war) but we ‘bonded’ for life but that aside it’s entirely up to them and you must suck it up and do what and the way they want it and be happy you ve got a first grandchild and stop this silly need to grab the first moments they want that time alone and you need to accept that
It’s not your child and not your call you ll get your turn don’t ruin things
Enjoy your new addition

I worked for 17 years on a busy Delivery Suite. The midwife would always ask what the soon-to-be parents wanted in the way of visitors during and after delivery. As a ward clerk, it was my job to inform those who were ignoring the new parents wishes, that they would be unable to visit. A lot of people accepted that, albeit begrudgingly, but I have had some pretty dreadful verbal abuse thrown at me by others. I had to call security one time to 2 'ladies' who were desperate to be the first to see their new grandchild.
I don't blame them wanting time together.
For pity's sake, celebrate becoming a Granny to a healthy grandchild who you will have years to spend time with instead of tearing up because all your joy has gone.

Well really good for them! Hospital stays are so short these days as it is and the focus on skin to skin time with the baby and with new mums trying to establish breastfeeding and recover - they absolutely should get a little time to themselves. Surely you can wait for them to be home at least. - being so distraught to have “lost all joy “ about it is being incredibly over dramatic. I would advise you to take a giant step back and repeat the words “this is not my baby and I am merely a small part of its extended family “ until it sinks in. And also to remember that your expectations are clearly not inline with the parents and that you need to reign those in going forward as well

Madmeg

I really don't see why people think they are helping the OP with their stories of not being allowed, able or wanting to see their own GC soon after birth and telling her she is being unreasonable. If she has a good relationship with her DS and his wife and is able to visit it is perfectly natural. Our DD and her DH phoned us within an hour of each child's birth and his parents saw them first cos they live close by, with us following a couple of hours later. We didn't stay long of course but the memory of seeing that first grandchild so soon will stay with me for the rest of my life. After all, it had been ME my DD asked to be with her when a year earlier she had had a traumatic miscarriage and went to have it cleared from her womb.

I know that fashions change, and a great deal is now made of bonding, but it doesn't have to be instant.

We kept our distance in the coming weeks apart from taking ready-made meals to them, doing some shopping and anything else they asked for but never overstayed our welcome.

My elder DD is nearly 200 miles away so it won't happen like that again, more's the pity.

What do you suggest will help OP, if not trying to help her manage her expectations?

Surely bragging that the fact you got to see your grandchild so new was so special is just cruel?

They have the right idea. They need to bond and why did you think you would be there straight away? Wait and I’m sure it will be worth it.

I really don't see why people think they are helping the OP with their stories of not being allowed, able or wanting to see their own GC soon after birth and telling her she is being unreasonable. If she has a good relationship with her DS and his wife and is able to visit it is perfectly natural. Our DD and her DH phoned us within an hour of each child's birth and his parents saw them first cos they live close by, with us following a couple of hours later. We didn't stay long of course but the memory of seeing that first grandchild so soon will stay with me for the rest of my life. After all, it had been ME my DD asked to be with her when a year earlier she had had a traumatic miscarriage and went to have it cleared from her womb.

I know that fashions change, and a great deal is now made of bonding, but it doesn't have to be instant.

We kept our distance in the coming weeks apart from taking ready-made meals to them, doing some shopping and anything else they asked for but never overstayed our welcome.

My elder DD is nearly 200 miles away so it won't happen like that again, more's the pity.

I have 3 grandchildren and one great granddaughter.I saw 2 in the hospital and2 after they were home.

It would never have occurred to me to be upset about not going to the hospital!It is such a special and emotional time for the new parents,their time.

The most important thing is that Mother and baby are healthy.

For goodness sake, what do you think you would be doing with a newborn that you will miss if you don't see it immediately? My first grandchild was born during lockdown so we didn't see her in the flesh for a good few weeks. We had loads of photos and videos of her and our relationship with her is great. It's about what the parents think is best for them and the baby, you have to learn to fit around them.

Fantastic. Do defend their little bonding bubble with your life. You waited 9 months, a little more time so that they may have the wonderful joy of just existing with a newborn while exhausted and vulnerable will work wonders for them. Rather like this trend, wish it had been around in my day. I could have done without the visitors when all I needed was a newborn to sleep so I could.

I really think you are over reacting. Many grandparents cannot see their new grandchild the day it is born because they do not live near enough.

I didn't see my grandchildren for a day or so, my parents in law didn't see their grandchildren for a week.

I think you are in danger of becoming one of those smother grandmothers that parents come on to GN asking how to cope with a grandmother who doesn't know how to leave a proper distance between themselves, their children and grandchildren.

Same thing happened to me. I’d seen my daughters baby straight away and was upset that I wasn’t allowed to see my sons baby ( his wife’s family were allowed to visit). I didn’t even want to stay…just see her ( it was an event that I thought would never happen for various reasons).They didn’t even phone me to say baby had been born safely till the following morning ( I knew she was being induced) so I was a wreck by the time I got the phone call. I think a lot of it is down to the classes they go to during pregnancy. As it happened I did see the baby because we were at the hospital that day anyway for another very sad reason. I’m not particularly baby minded; didn’t feel the need to hold the baby or anything like that. Just wanted to see my son holding a much longed for child.

Usedtobeblonde

I must be odd because I couldn’t wait for family and very close friends to see my baby
My C were the same.
I saw, for a brief 20 mins or so, 4 of my GC within a few hours of their birth.
I do know now though that it is the norm to not want visitors.

I agree and as for skin to skin….They had DH so gowned and masked up I hardly recognised him myself yet the baby didn’t seem to mind. 😂

Oops forgot to say many congratulations.