My brother in his 70s is divorced and lives alone. He often isolates himself and has periods of low mood. He has social acquaintances but always found making friends difficult.
He has one adult daughter who has never bothered with him much and gone through periods of not talking to him. She has had mental health problems since a teen.
He is desperate to have a closer relationship with her but says she only wants him for his money.
I am aware that when she was growing up he was irritable and shouted a lot.
He sees his granddaughter only rarely in-spite of living close to them and when he does see them it has to be only if his ex or daughter is present. They tell him when he can see her.
He is only allowed to give his granddaughter presents that are tightly sanctioned by his daughter - she stipulates exactly what gifts he can give.
He is often excluded from family events because his ex says he and his daughter argue and she can’t stand the tension.
He has always given his daughter a lot of money even though she is in her 40s she and her partner have never had steady full time jobs.
He admits he was often an absent father when she was growing up but now he is trying to make amends and treasures the very brief interactions he has with them.
The latest is he is giving the mother of his grandchild and her partner a substantial amount of money for a house. He scrimps on himself and has doesn’t put his heating on and doesn’t eat properly.
Recently he has made a lovely new female friend, a widowed lady through church and his daughter has said she thinks he is too old “for that sort of thing”, and that if he continues the friendship she will cut him off and he won’t see his granddaughter.
Me and my other siblings are concerned about him but we live a couple of hours away.
I was reading an Australian Grandparenting website last night and it described similar situations and said his daughter's behaviour is coercive control and elder abuse. This has shocked and upset me.
Do others agree it could be elder abuse and what would you do?
