How to handle tears at goodbye

Sago

Our GD did the same whenever we had to say goodbye, she would be roaring as the car left, it was heartbreaking.

I bought her a book it’s called the Invisible String, the book is about how we remain connected even when apart, it’s a beautiful book and age appropriate.

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Thank you, I found the book in Dutch.

madeleine45

Could you send her a letter addressed to her personally, when you get home, so that you will tell her that you got back safe and sound and ideas for what you might do or read the next time.

You could of course email her or whatever, but I treasure my precious tatty old letters from my dear granny. It has her handwriting to remember her by, and just something that she handled and knowing that it was especially for me meant a great deal.

You could start a trend in a letter a week and for her to reply to you, or even if you send a letter and she emails or whatever. When I lived in Portugal and wrote back to my family, I wrote personal information, then also what was happening in Portugal ranging from fiestas and carefully written news on political situation and what music I was learning or singing that week. Years later it has been great to remind me what I did then and then later the letters were passed on to a library where they kept them to give ideas of someone living in Portugal in the time of Salazar. So who knows in years to come letters will become even more special as all the correspondence will be via a laptop or whatever and there will be no actual paper copies to look back to !!

Perhaps also you might have a swap idea, where she gives you something to take with you too? Hope an idea or two from everyone is a help for you.

Thank you, much appreciated!

Thank you all, for the time you all took to provide me with nice tips and good, detailed advice! I must indeed be aware that she is playing me a bit... I will keep you updated.

Tell her you need to go to your house now, to see to your things, because you've been there for quite some time. A part of her behaviour is power play, to see whether you will give in and sleep there, or stay longer than you ought to, which would confirm you love her more than you love the others. As the eldest, of course, she is laying her claim to you. Tell her you will be back in 'ten sleeps'.

Granmarderby10

Oreo that is funny and reminds me of a cup I preferred to drink my tea from at their house. Grandson drove them mad for ages with his “that’s Grandmas cup!” Bless🥹

No one dare drink out of it now😁just as it should be, it’s Grandma’s!

I used to have that but less so now the grandchildren a bit older . They obviously love you a lot

If it is possible, I suggest you leave long before her bedtime!

Let one of her parents read the bedtime story, after supervising tooth brushing etc.

And as Lady MacBeth said: " Stand not upon the order of your going, but go at once."

Don't prolong the agony by saying we can do this and that and then I have to go. Play or talk to her until you are ready to leave, excuse yourself by going to the bathroom, whether you need it or not, and come in wearing your coat, and say cheerfully, "That's me off home now, give me a kiss, see you next week." And go.

Then check with her parents next day. As like as not, she was as right as rain ten minutes after you were out the door.

Could you send her a letter addressed to her personally, when you get home, so that you will tell her that you got back safe and sound and ideas for what you might do or read the next time.

You could of course email her or whatever, but I treasure my precious tatty old letters from my dear granny. It has her handwriting to remember her by, and just something that she handled and knowing that it was especially for me meant a great deal.

You could start a trend in a letter a week and for her to reply to you, or even if you send a letter and she emails or whatever. When I lived in Portugal and wrote back to my family, I wrote personal information, then also what was happening in Portugal ranging from fiestas and carefully written news on political situation and what music I was learning or singing that week. Years later it has been great to remind me what I did then and then later the letters were passed on to a library where they kept them to give ideas of someone living in Portugal in the time of Salazar. So who knows in years to come letters will become even more special as all the correspondence will be via a laptop or whatever and there will be no actual paper copies to look back to !!

Perhaps also you might have a swap idea, where she gives you something to take with you too? Hope an idea or two from everyone is a help for you.

Perhaps buy her a toy, maybe a cuddly one, give it to her telling her she is to look after it for you until you come back next day when you will be able to give her a cuddle (GD) for looking after your toy so well.

Oreo that is funny and reminds me of a cup I preferred to drink my tea from at their house. Grandson drove them mad for ages with his “that’s Grandmas cup!” Bless🥹

I have so many options now! Will drive her crazy 😀 she will be glad to see me go

Oreo

Omanna

Thanks Elegran, for the inspiring advice! I will think about a personal item to give her when I leave. I like the idea and I think she will too!

I leave my slippers, with instructions they must be looked after.
😄DD tells me he wears them, or tries to.

😀

Omanna

Thanks Elegran, for the inspiring advice! I will think about a personal item to give her when I leave. I like the idea and I think she will too!

I leave my slippers, with instructions they must be looked after.
😄DD tells me he wears them, or tries to.

Lovely idea from elegran. You could make it a feature of your departures. If you take a bag with you, perhaps have something in it each time that you can leave in her safe keeping "till next week" or whatever.

I would do what parents do at daycare - hand the child quuckly to the parent and say bye, see you all tomorrow

Some lovely ideas and suggestions here. I agree not to make too much fuss- acknowledge theur feelings but play down your own. This works for me.

I think it is just a normal part of growing with our emotions (for us too) and maybe your GD is a sensitive one, which is a positive thing.

Our GD did the same whenever we had to say goodbye, she would be roaring as the car left, it was heartbreaking.

I bought her a book it’s called the Invisible String, the book is about how we remain connected even when apart, it’s a beautiful book and age appropriate.

www.amazon.com/Invisible-String-Patrice-Karst/dp/0875167349?tag=gransnetforum-21

If you have a scarf or gloves etc that smell of your particular perfume give her this and let her keep it near. She will find this comforting after you have gone.

I wonder if she would find it useful to have her own calendar in her room, with a month to view?
Your days could be highlighted on it, plus any fun significant events she has on other days as well.
She could cross each day off as she goes to bed and have a visual reminder of how many days to your next visit.

got = for

Thank you all, got your helpful advice. I will update next week!

Oh dear Fartooold you have reminded me of when the same Grandson sat in his bed one evening during the sad period after his other Grandmother had died far too young from cancer.
She’d left him a little book with a message in (a cheerful one) and shaking his head solemnly he said “I don’t want to die.
Lump in the throat🥲
..he was about 3 then probably younger. Some young children do have a periods of anxiety such as you mentioned but happily most of the worry gets replaced quickly by the sheer adventure of growing up and quite rightly so.

Hi Fartooold, that’s sad!! Yet although she knows I am old, she does not fear that I will not come back or die. She just wants me to move to her house

I remember at about 3-4 I too used to cry when my grandparents left…..I really thought they would die soon as they were old (they were early 60’s at most) and I would never see them again!

I agree , give her something of yours before you leave and ask her to look after it till you return and don't drag out the goodbyes or let her witness you are upset. I am sure you know that the minute you have gone she is absolutely fine! Good luck.