How to handle tears at goodbye

Acknowledge her feelings. Tell her you are sad too so validate her feelings. Then distract. It might be that you discuss what you will do together next time. Deal with it calmly and don't drag out the goodbyes. Now and next signals. Now we're going to play with dolls. Next I have to go home. That kind of thing might help.

Explain to her that you will be back and when. At 4 she should understand this.

I read somewhere how someone lent a possession of hers to a grandchild to "look after until you bring it back to me next time you come here - " so that mother could effect the departure while the child was engrossed in examining the item and "looking after it". Perhaps a new or a well-loved book, which mother could read to her while it was on loan? Or a hairbrush or similar personal item which was known to belong to her?

Well she’s been an only for the first years of her life and now she has two small sisters so she’s probably enjoying something that makes her feel a bit special.

If you go when you say you are going and she stops soon after you’ve gone and settles to sleep I wouldn’t worry about it.

If you allow her to delay or stop your going, that’s a danger signal as to who is in control.
If she continues to be upset for a long time that’s genuine anxiety and needs to be explored.

Take a tip from Andre Rieu and have a defined goodbye, the concert’s over routine - story, goodnight song, kiss and out the bedroom door. Pop back in, blow an extra kiss and go. Something like that and don’t vary it 🙂

Thank you, Grandmabatty! Yes, I try to validate - and then I tell her I will be back soon. Maybe she feels it affects me and perhaps I should try to be less moved, and, like you say, not ‘drag it out’.

Thanks Elegran, for the inspiring advice! I will think about a personal item to give her when I leave. I like the idea and I think she will too!

I say enjoy these bitter- sweet moments while you can because they soon grow and change alliances.

…one of my eldest grandsons went from being inconsolable to not even acknowledging I was there in the first place.. a bit upsetting.

However at 12 and a half now he has “come back to himself” which is lovely …for now😉

I am not sure how to respond personally, my replies seem to land in the general thread.
Lathyrus, I know I need to set a boundary - my pitfall… A clear Andre Rieu ritual will help. I will figure one out.

Grandmarderby, that must have been painful… I will remember this when driving home, because indeed, it is such sweet, pure love she gives me now.

I think the advice of leaving something is very good one. I had to be in hospital for a while and when my mum left after visiting I would cry. In those days parents had to stick to visiting hours!
The next time she she had to leave she left me her gloves that I knew she liked. I knew she would come back for her favourite gloves so was comforted.

Promise to ring her when you get home snd maybe read her a short bedtime story, something to look forward to
When my grands were little and couldn’t sleep their mum rang me and I d read a story over the phone
Leaving ‘a bit of you’ is a great idea too if you use a favourite perfume pretty hanky with it on she can put under her pillow

I agree , give her something of yours before you leave and ask her to look after it till you return and don't drag out the goodbyes or let her witness you are upset. I am sure you know that the minute you have gone she is absolutely fine! Good luck.

I remember at about 3-4 I too used to cry when my grandparents left…..I really thought they would die soon as they were old (they were early 60’s at most) and I would never see them again!

Hi Fartooold, that’s sad!! Yet although she knows I am old, she does not fear that I will not come back or die. She just wants me to move to her house

Oh dear Fartooold you have reminded me of when the same Grandson sat in his bed one evening during the sad period after his other Grandmother had died far too young from cancer.
She’d left him a little book with a message in (a cheerful one) and shaking his head solemnly he said “I don’t want to die.
Lump in the throat🥲
..he was about 3 then probably younger. Some young children do have a periods of anxiety such as you mentioned but happily most of the worry gets replaced quickly by the sheer adventure of growing up and quite rightly so.

Thank you all, got your helpful advice. I will update next week!

got = for

I wonder if she would find it useful to have her own calendar in her room, with a month to view?
Your days could be highlighted on it, plus any fun significant events she has on other days as well.
She could cross each day off as she goes to bed and have a visual reminder of how many days to your next visit.

If you have a scarf or gloves etc that smell of your particular perfume give her this and let her keep it near. She will find this comforting after you have gone.

Our GD did the same whenever we had to say goodbye, she would be roaring as the car left, it was heartbreaking.

I bought her a book it’s called the Invisible String, the book is about how we remain connected even when apart, it’s a beautiful book and age appropriate.

www.amazon.com/Invisible-String-Patrice-Karst/dp/0875167349?tag=gransnetforum-21

Some lovely ideas and suggestions here. I agree not to make too much fuss- acknowledge theur feelings but play down your own. This works for me.

I think it is just a normal part of growing with our emotions (for us too) and maybe your GD is a sensitive one, which is a positive thing.

I would do what parents do at daycare - hand the child quuckly to the parent and say bye, see you all tomorrow

Lovely idea from elegran. You could make it a feature of your departures. If you take a bag with you, perhaps have something in it each time that you can leave in her safe keeping "till next week" or whatever.

Omanna

Thanks Elegran, for the inspiring advice! I will think about a personal item to give her when I leave. I like the idea and I think she will too!

I leave my slippers, with instructions they must be looked after.
😄DD tells me he wears them, or tries to.