Grandson over reaction

Following on from Petra, I saw that you considered leaving him a year or two back too - he sounds like a very difficult man.

NannieN
Did you ever go to university?

Children who are not confident in the water hate being splashed. The grandfather is completely wrong thinking splashing his face will show him water is harmless; he already knows that from baths and showers but a swimming pool, with deep water , echoes and unfamiliar smells is a different environment. That child will be even more frightened of swimming sessions now he has been unfairly punished.

I would express your concern to the parents and suggest politely the instruction is left to the swimming instructors, who know what they are doing; perhaps they may have a word with grandpa.
I have seen grandparents behaving like this , usually grandfathers, in family swimming sessions and terrifying their grandchildren if they are not confident.

Squiffy

If the parents punished your GC, effectively siding with his Grandfather, then I worry about any potential future incidents where an outsider may do something inappropriate and your GS would be too scared to tell his parents.

Yes, I agree. Children should feel that they can tell their parents if they feel uncomfortable or scared by something someone has done without any fear of punishment or reprisals of any kind.

If the parents punished your GC, effectively siding with his Grandfather, then I worry about any potential future incidents where an outsider may do something inappropriate and your GS would be too scared to tell his parents.

Five is still very young Children, most children, cannot regulate their emotions well at this age and some do have an irrational fear of water.

I think parents completely overacted, they could have just taken GS out and home, penalising him for this is totally ott and Grandad is old enough to know better!

NannieN
I just read your post from 5 years ago where you had the chance to go back to university and the way your husband reacted 😱
He’s a pig.
You’re still a young woman. This isn’t a marriage, you’re all just his whipping boys.

Deliberately splashing someone in the face who has a fear of water is simply stupid and cruel. I am a strong swimmer and I have never had a fear of water but I hate being splashed in the face deliberately or otherwise.

The sooner this little boy grows up and is able to leave home the better. His grandad and parents are obviously profoundly stupid, nasty people who have no idea how to handle a frightened five year old. I think I would find it hard to "regulate myself" if I ever had the misfortune to meet these monsters.

Your story illustrates perfectly why this is so important, V3ra. Thankfully, times have changed and we are teaching our children and children about bodily autonomy and how they should be able to say no to anything they feel uncomfortable about - and how adults should listen to that. It doesn't matter whether it is splashing, tickling or anything more serious - if a child says no, no means no.

From your previous threads in 2020 and 2022 it seems you know your husband is not an easy man.

This is your husbands fault.

And it sets a bad example to the child if he feels adults will tell him off if he feels uncomfortable about something another adult is doing to him.

My grandfather used to tickle us. I never liked it but of course everyone else always thought it was funny.
Then when I hit puberty there was an episode which turned very unpleasant. My parents and grandma were in another room.
I never told my parents because I knew he would have denied it, and I knew I would have been accused of lying and punished.

Stories like this bring it all back.

To me it all depends on context.
Is your DH a bully?
Wouldnt you know by now if he was?

He was trying to help your DGS.
It didnt work, twice.
I would hope your DH would have stopped after that.

love0c

Tell him if he does it again you will divorce him! I would struggle to live with such a nasty man. Sorry!

Belive me that is on the cards

Tell him if he does it again you will divorce him! I would struggle to live with such a nasty man. Sorry!

It was bullying. I wouldn't have anyone bullied never mind my lovely grandson. Grabdpa would really be in the doghouse with me. In fact i would have interfered and told him he was out of order at the time.What a way to treat a five year old who was frightened and not listened to. He had a meltdown because he was upset, confused and bullied. The parents behaved appallingly adding to his confusion. Do they want the child to like or fear them. Thank goodness you listen

BlueBelle

NannieN can I suggest you show this page to your husband ‘the bully’ and to the child’s parents
Your grandson behaved very well by saying ‘Stop’ when his grandfather hurt/frightened/worried him exactly as he should have done, your childish husband showed his power over the small child by doing it again Feeling helpless the little boy went off into a frustrated melt down so HE not the bully got punished
How to confuse a child and make a 5 year old rebel or a 5 year old confused enough to go into a shell and hate the water even more as he will connect the pool with punishment

Show the family this page

BlueBelle, that is a good idea, thank you

NotAGran55

Did the grandfather bully his own children in the same way NannieN ?

On occasions he did, at the time I didn't realise it was bullying. I'm mindful that I didn't do enough to tackle the situation and would remove DSs rather then confront OH. I think bullying is called out for what it is more now and I can see it more clearly now

The child acted as the adult, the adult acted as a child

As others have said is all about the child saying no to something he finds uncomfortable, some kids like a bit of horsing around but others hate it. I would have intervened and told grandad to listen to your GS at the time. He was not giving consent. And it sets a bad example to the child if he feels adults will tell him off if he feels uncomfortable about something another adult is doing to him.
Is easily rectified if the parents and grandad make a point of saying he was right to say he was uncomfortable about the splashing and next time they will make sure it doesn’t happen.
May not seem like a big deal to us but it can be a big deal to a little one.

Did the grandfather bully his own children in the same way NannieN ?

I've met men like this who enjoy exercising control over those less powerful. What a dreadful thing to do. I would be giving your OH hell over this.

SpanielCuddler

There’s lots of focus on the splashing here. I’d say consider the wider implications.
Your GS has said stop/no to an adult who has done something he disliked and wanted to stop.
This should be recognised and encouraged. A child should be able to tell someone if he doesn’t like what is happening.
This experience will have taught him that adults have the power, he can’t say stop and if he then reacts in frustration he will be punished.
Really not a good lesson nor one that will protect him in future from others.

Absolutely! The lesson here is that if a child tells someone to stop doing something, they stop. It's hardly surprising that the poor boy had a meltdown under the circumstances. And to take away his 'privileges' because of something over which he had no control is just wrong too.

NannieN can I suggest you show this page to your husband ‘the bully’ and to the child’s parents
Your grandson behaved very well by saying ‘Stop’ when his grandfather hurt/frightened/worried him exactly as he should have done, your childish husband showed his power over the small child by doing it again Feeling helpless the little boy went off into a frustrated melt down so HE not the bully got punished
How to confuse a child and make a 5 year old rebel or a 5 year old confused enough to go into a shell and hate the water even more as he will connect the pool with punishment

Show the family this page

Yes he is.. I need to address this with him, but have been lost for words. Me.amd my grandson are very close and it has been difficult to let parents deal with and not intervine..
I have since spoken to them.about what happened from my perspective..Both of times he was splashed, his.parents were swimming or playing with other son and didn't see what happened. I'm not sure if this was a coincidence or not. I did try to intervene at the time but DGS was so upset he couldn't control his emotions and there can be too much noise around him for him to start regulating himself.

Yes agree with everyone else, clearly the grandfather's 'way' was counter productive, generally people don't like being splashed in the face, goady behaviour pushed the little boy too far,. He'd have got used to the water in his own good time, now he's had a setback.