Grandson over reaction

Have you simply tried stopping splashing him in the face? Grandpa is creating this issue. So stop it.

I hate water in my face. I would have been pissed the first time and livid the second.

I am aghast that you took his privilege away after his Grandfather bullied him.

Lots of concerns here but principally about a grown man ignoring the feelings and welfare of his grandson.
It’s not almost like bullying -it IS bullying .
And it’s not the grandson who needs to “lose his privileges “ - although this too sounds draconian and straight out of some Victorian handbook of parenting.
Wrong on so many levels.

Sorry, missed saying, I didn't take his privileges away. I'm his Nannie. His parents took privileges away. He was screaming for me n had to step away to let parents do there job.
I have said that splashing was out of order but have been told it was only splashing and DGS needs to learn to control his emotions. I don't agree.

It’s probably teasing, but bordering on bullying

The child is five years old and will be perfectly aware that water on its own is harmless. After all, he washes, has showers or baths.

It’s the depth of the water that is scary to a small child whose feet won’t reach the bottom even at the shallow end. Splashing won’t make a jot of difference in alleviating that fear.

Presumably he’s wearing water wings. Far better to lift him off the side and into the water with a series of gentle dunks going deeper and deeper each time so he learns that he will quickly bob to the surface.

I’m a very confident swimmer but anyone splashing water in my face deliberately and repeatedly would get very short shrift.

All the child’s parents will achieve in punishing him will be to make him fear the water and dread being taken to the pool. It’s rare to find a child who doesn’t love the pool but they need to build their confidence at their own pace.

NannieN

Sorry, missed saying, I didn't take his privileges away. I'm his Nannie. His parents took privileges away. He was screaming for me n had to step away to let parents do there job.
I have said that splashing was out of order but have been told it was only splashing and DGS needs to learn to control his emotions. I don't agree.

I’m not sure where you stand OP, from your description you seem to be saying,- that your grandson was overreacting as per your original post but let’s face it he was provoked by stupid bullying immature behaviour.
You don’t overcome fear by being made to feel more fear and your DH was entirely in the wrong.
If DGS “needs to control his emotions” he could do with a better example than that of his grandfather.

crazyH

It’s probably teasing, but bordering on bullying

Ah, the “only teasing/joking/banter” defence.
It was not bordering on bullying, it WAS bullying.

I mean the parents are in charge of their child here even if I don’t agree he was in the wrong. But I’d be telling grandad he was in the wrong too - and in the moment I’d have probably stood up for the little guy and said loudly “grandad he has asked you to stop and you’re being a bully, we should respect grandsons words “

Poor grandson, bullied by his grandfather and his parents take the bully’s side. He will resent everyone in this situation.

I’d be having words with your child that is the parent and your husband about this situation. They should be apologising to your GC not the other way around.

So poor child isn't confident in water and idiot grandfather thinks splashing water in his face will help! Being punished for being upset makes everything worse and he will probably hate the whole idea of going to the pool now.

Crikey that grandfather is well out of order blooming bully and the mother and father should be supporting their child
Poor little thing
A 5 year old can’t articulate that the grandfather is a bully so he does what a 5 year old can do in protest and that is have a melt down and the stupid parents instead of kindly supporting him punished him A great way to confuse a little child
Is the grandfather your husband ? I hope you gave him a good dressing down, stupid man

I don't think this family are the right people to "encourage" him! Leave it to the professionals!

My father had been a PE instructor in the army. He swam well, but neither my mother nor my older siblings could swim. My father splashed my face, nothing and it terrified me. I did eventually take lessons when I was 18 and can do a very panicky breaststroke, but if I’m splashed by another swimmer I’ll leave the pool. The grandfather splashing a child who has asked him not to is a cruel, stupid and thoughtless bully.

Grandfather of the year /sarcasm

The parents should support their child, not the bully

I wondered if this was that old "toughening boys up" thing, where they treat little boys a bit roughly so they "learn to take it."

Which would give it a context, at least. If the parents agree with this, even though they might not be aware of it enough to state it, that would explain their reactions too.

If this is the case, it might give you a starting point in considering how to address it, if you plan to do so.

Do you think this would have all happened the same way if it was a little girl instead of a little boy?

There’s lots of focus on the splashing here. I’d say consider the wider implications.
Your GS has said stop/no to an adult who has done something he disliked and wanted to stop.
This should be recognised and encouraged. A child should be able to tell someone if he doesn’t like what is happening.
This experience will have taught him that adults have the power, he can’t say stop and if he then reacts in frustration he will be punished.
Really not a good lesson nor one that will protect him in future from others.

Poor little guy. He's only five years old!

Is the grandad your husband?

Poor little boy! If someone splashed me like that I’d be likely to lamp them, in shock. The little lad needs sympathy, not bullying and punishment. An apology from the grandfather would be a start.

Yes agree with everyone else, clearly the grandfather's 'way' was counter productive, generally people don't like being splashed in the face, goady behaviour pushed the little boy too far,. He'd have got used to the water in his own good time, now he's had a setback.

Yes he is.. I need to address this with him, but have been lost for words. Me.amd my grandson are very close and it has been difficult to let parents deal with and not intervine..
I have since spoken to them.about what happened from my perspective..Both of times he was splashed, his.parents were swimming or playing with other son and didn't see what happened. I'm not sure if this was a coincidence or not. I did try to intervene at the time but DGS was so upset he couldn't control his emotions and there can be too much noise around him for him to start regulating himself.

NannieN can I suggest you show this page to your husband ‘the bully’ and to the child’s parents
Your grandson behaved very well by saying ‘Stop’ when his grandfather hurt/frightened/worried him exactly as he should have done, your childish husband showed his power over the small child by doing it again Feeling helpless the little boy went off into a frustrated melt down so HE not the bully got punished
How to confuse a child and make a 5 year old rebel or a 5 year old confused enough to go into a shell and hate the water even more as he will connect the pool with punishment

Show the family this page

SpanielCuddler

There’s lots of focus on the splashing here. I’d say consider the wider implications.
Your GS has said stop/no to an adult who has done something he disliked and wanted to stop.
This should be recognised and encouraged. A child should be able to tell someone if he doesn’t like what is happening.
This experience will have taught him that adults have the power, he can’t say stop and if he then reacts in frustration he will be punished.
Really not a good lesson nor one that will protect him in future from others.

Absolutely! The lesson here is that if a child tells someone to stop doing something, they stop. It's hardly surprising that the poor boy had a meltdown under the circumstances. And to take away his 'privileges' because of something over which he had no control is just wrong too.

I've met men like this who enjoy exercising control over those less powerful. What a dreadful thing to do. I would be giving your OH hell over this.