A young Mum instructs a Gran.

NotAGran55

If you praise or compliment a parent for having a placid ‘good’ baby 👶 (something that they have no control over), what would you say to the parents with the opposite 😭 ? (Something that they have no control over)

Duh! Well you wouldn’t would you? Any more than you would say “Gosh, that’s an ugly baby!”
How about “What a lovely lively baby,” or “I wish I had that much energy, what a smashing/super/chatty baby, full of beans” or some such.
On the principle that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything?
Some adults would do well to bear that in mind.

And there's me thinking the posts might be something to do with the funny video I've posted!

Yes, from at least the 70s/80s onwards the phrase 'good baby' was a bit problematic for some. (It was for me - an over-sensitive Mum but sympathies also with Rosieandmaw, as I think we all know really that people are NOT implying that babies who don't sleep much and cry a lot are 'bad'!.)

Anyway, in the video (from 2025) there is no mention about 'good baby'. The point of the video is that we can have a gentle laugh about 2025 grandparenting/parenting, rather than, really, discussing old wounds!

I take your point and was, shall we say “surprised” to be castigated for what I thought was also an innocent enough comment from RL.

I think this has all got out of hand, some people just seem to set out to look for insults/slights or whatever.

I agree with Poppyred!
Seems the only way is to say nothing at all!

RosieandherMaw

Too close to the truth, I was once at a picnic with D’s NCT friends and was pulled up for suggesting that the (placid) baby of one of D’s friends was a “good” baby. You can’t go wrong with praising a baby can you? Oh yes you can. “
A quiet word afterwards, “Mum you can’t say a baby is “good” because you are suggesting there is such a thing as a “bad” baby”
Sigh.

Thank debbiet1 😁

RosieandherMaw 😁

DS was a good placid baby, such a relief after DD1 who was bad sorry, hard work sorry, anything but placid!

I think Gransnet has become 'mumsnet'
I was browsing through there yesterday and one of the threads had several women bashing someone else who had the misfortune/cheek/audacity to be in receipt of benefits.
And now this thread where a perfectly lovely sounding lady says something harmless about a baby and yet is made to feel perfectly rotten.
What on earth is going on??

Don’t give agency to others by caring what they say.

If you are intelligent, well read, well informed, rational, possess self awareness and understand human nature, you can afford to rely on your own judgement.

And, as is the case so often these days, you are not, keep your opinions to yourself.

Few years ago I told my grandson he was being naughty my daughter told me not to use that word . So haven't since . Last weekend she told my now older grandson off for being naughty . I did say you told me off for saying that she just looked . How times have changed.

I am 66 good and naughty where words I grew up with . Perfectly good words . And used not only on children' behaviour but adults as well.

It seems bad swear words are more acceptable today than innocent normal words.

It is far better to use good or naughty than what I heard a woman called her young daughter where I used to live' stop being a little shit and behaviour yourself . '

How many times have any here seen a parents pulling along a children because they have played up instead of telling them off for being naughty and told to behave . Because words like being good or naughty are frowned on by some .

I know this started off as I think a light hearted thread but as usual it's morphed into something else . But that's what happens a lot to threads .

Yesterday reading a food thread and 2 posts had been deleted for not following guidelines. What on earth could someone have written on a food thread to get deleted.

And yes I know I have gone off topic before anyone points it out to me or posts a naughty comment about me . And yes there are good lovely members of GN and naughty ones plus the down right vile and vindictive ones .
But that's human beings for you we are all different .

And meanings of words have changed but I use them as I was brought up.

I’ve been away this week, rarely looked at the news or gransnet. I can recommend this approach 🌞
Avoiding unnecessary moaning, conflict and deliberate misunderstandings is worth trying
I had two easy babies and one never easy
😏

love it!

I am with you maw What is wrong with asking if a baby is a good baby. A good one to me is one who sleeps and eats. My eldest DD never did either😂 I laughed at the video starting the thread. Oh goodness why overthink simple comments. Well said Poppyred

CombinedScience

FGS If someone gets upset because a well meaning person has commented on a good baby they need to grow up. What tosh!

Thank the lord we are all different 😃

My second child was a dream, ate, slept, rarely cried in her first few months. My closest friend’s first baby arrived three months later and seemed to be crying or grizzling non-stop to the point that my friend endlessly compared my ‘good’ baby to her ‘bad’ one. Then my child got seriously ill and all of a sudden it put her child’s crying into perspective - and the only descriptions that mattered became healthy or sick.

Oh that's actually rather helpful isn't it? How kindly funny. What a clever way to introduce children into actually being able to express themselves and not telling adults what they want to hear. We are a far distance from "children should be seen and not heard" thankfulky.

I got it very wrong then when I was cuddling my new G.grandson and commented to my g.daughters partner what a gorgeous baby he is and is he good. Luckily no offence was taken and he replied that yes he is very good, he rarely.cries, only when he's hungry and he’s sleeping really well.
To make it worse I then said his grandma, my daughter, was such a good baby too then turning to my G.daughter I said but you were a little madam, thankfully she laughed and said yes she knew, her mum had told her they were ready to give her away.
Oh dear very wrong on all counts apparently, and as an 88 years old very out of date g.grannie I shall have to be very careful in future what I say.

Celianne, we should know by now that a mother's place is always in the wrong. 😁

(although I'm younger than you so still have a lot to learn!)

I think that we all ought to be able to express an opinion without receiving a passive aggressive or openly aggressive response.

Whiff

Few years ago I told my grandson he was being naughty my daughter told me not to use that word . So haven't since . Last weekend she told my now older grandson off for being naughty . I did say you told me off for saying that she just looked . How times have changed.

I am 66 good and naughty where words I grew up with . Perfectly good words . And used not only on children' behaviour but adults as well.

It seems bad swear words are more acceptable today than innocent normal words.

It is far better to use good or naughty than what I heard a woman called her young daughter where I used to live' stop being a little shit and behaviour yourself . '

How many times have any here seen a parents pulling along a children because they have played up instead of telling them off for being naughty and told to behave . Because words like being good or naughty are frowned on by some .

I know this started off as I think a light hearted thread but as usual it's morphed into something else . But that's what happens a lot to threads .

Yesterday reading a food thread and 2 posts had been deleted for not following guidelines. What on earth could someone have written on a food thread to get deleted.

And yes I know I have gone off topic before anyone points it out to me or posts a naughty comment about me . And yes there are good lovely members of GN and naughty ones plus the down right vile and vindictive ones .
But that's human beings for you we are all different .

And meanings of words have changed but I use them as I was brought up.

Naughty whiff, would you like to join me (& a few notable others) on the naughty chair? With a well deserved glass of naughty wine and some very naughty chocolate! 🍷🍷

Celieanne86

I got it very wrong then when I was cuddling my new G.grandson and commented to my g.daughters partner what a gorgeous baby he is and is he good. Luckily no offence was taken and he replied that yes he is very good, he rarely.cries, only when he's hungry and he’s sleeping really well.
To make it worse I then said his grandma, my daughter, was such a good baby too then turning to my G.daughter I said but you were a little madam, thankfully she laughed and said yes she knew, her mum had told her they were ready to give her away.
Oh dear very wrong on all counts apparently, and as an 88 years old very out of date g.grannie I shall have to be very careful in future what I say.

Don’t be careful! I think you’re great the way you are!

When I was courting DH and at a family gathering, his aunt said to his mother, " of course your P (DH) was a little swine." "Yes, you're quite right." Said his mother. No offence. We all laughed and still laugh about it.

Better to label the behaviour, not the child.

Generally speaking, nowadays there seems to be little middle ground between thoughtless language and precious, over correction. What ever happened to people giving each other grace?

Alwaysworrying

I think Gransnet has become 'mumsnet'
I was browsing through there yesterday and one of the threads had several women bashing someone else who had the misfortune/cheek/audacity to be in receipt of benefits.
And now this thread where a perfectly lovely sounding lady says something harmless about a baby and yet is made to feel perfectly rotten.
What on earth is going on??

I’ll tell you, it’s cos a few people are too woke/ up themselves/argumentative/ down wiv da kids that they pull apart perfectly normal comments by perfectly normal people.
Best advice? Ignore it.

And others are too busy shouting at the clouds about those “down wiv da kids”and times changing that they can’t see they are being left behind. The world doesn’t stop spinning and society doesn’t stop evolving just because you can’t cope with change.