Wrap around child care -the child’s voice

growstuff - I was also full time worker. My children are 39 and 40, we have loving relationships, they’re doing ok don’t seem ‘damaged’ by working mum. Of course, no one ever questioned their dad working full time.
As grandparents we helped with their 2 children each in 3 years, no strict instructions about diet, naps or any kind of care we gave. We did ok with them so they trusted us wuth their precious children. They were grateful x

Neither way is better, nor worse. Just different.

Allira is right to say,
It's the rather superior perception that comes across that those whose children go to nursery are somehow intellectually superior and their children are high achievers because they did go to nursery that probably annoys other posters.
Early this year on GN, there were posters saying that SAHMs' lives were dominated by their home and children and had no other topics of conversation, and that the children of SAHMs are exposed to a less balanced set of values than those of working mums, whatever that means.

growstuff

Allira

Casdon

Allira

Actually, being a SAHM is hard work too.
It's not sitting around at home as some might imply. Not if you want happy, fulfilled children.

It's the rather superior perception that comes across that those whose children go to nursery are somehow intellectually superior and their children are high achievers because they did go to nursery that probably annoys other posters.

I don’t think anybody has said, or thinks, that Allira?
Some children get a much better start if they go to nursery, some children get a much better start if they have stay at home parents who teach them. Nobody is being superior about the children’s academic abilities, it’s about maximising their potential.

Not everyone but it does come through.

I disagree. My children went to a nursery from 8 to 5 five days a week from the age of six months. I am fed up with reading that my children were "farmed out", "dumped" in a nursery (and the rest) and generally being guilt tripped. I worked damned hard to keep a roof over our heads and to spend every moment I could with my children in the evenings and at weekends.

I have no idea how their lives would be different if they'd been at home with me all day - maybe they wouldn't be the people they are today. However, they are both confident young people with good lives and we all have a close relationship - I don't think any of us could ask for much more.

I think that, yet again, you are misinterpreting my post.

I didnt say it was wrong orcright.
I never said farmed out - that was another poster.

My issue was with the perception that SAHM are lacking in any intellectual stimulation, falling behind on the career ladder.
Not imagining that, in fact, some young mothers are not high fliers and would in fact prefer to be at home with their babies.
But then this happens every time this subject comes up doesn't it.

Unfortunately, these days it's not so much a matter of choice but necessity.

Crossstitchfan

On those two days, they always had gone to them, not so I could work.
We were truly broke rather than have the children farmed out when they were small. No point having them if you have to dump them into childcare. The preschool years were precious to all of us. My daughters are in their 50s now and put our excellent close relationship down to the fact I was always home for them. Before you jump down my throat, I KNOW this can’t work for many of you, and I am not criticising. (There for the grace of God), but if you can afford to be a stay-at-home Mum, I can strongly recommend it.

Very judgy post 🙄

Thanks Alliria your comments have been most welcome. It will be a wrench when the time comes but you just know when it’s time. Thank you.

growstuff

PS. There is no way in a million years I could ever have left my children with any of their grandparents. The last thing I wanted for my children was to have the kind of relationship I had with my own mother.

Our lovely parents were done raising children there is no way in a million years they wished to be tied to child minding. Not all grandparents want to child mind - we're not keen to do any scheduled care.

PS. There is no way in a million years I could ever have left my children with any of their grandparents. The last thing I wanted for my children was to have the kind of relationship I had with my own mother.

Allira

Casdon

Allira

Actually, being a SAHM is hard work too.
It's not sitting around at home as some might imply. Not if you want happy, fulfilled children.

It's the rather superior perception that comes across that those whose children go to nursery are somehow intellectually superior and their children are high achievers because they did go to nursery that probably annoys other posters.

I don’t think anybody has said, or thinks, that Allira?
Some children get a much better start if they go to nursery, some children get a much better start if they have stay at home parents who teach them. Nobody is being superior about the children’s academic abilities, it’s about maximising their potential.

Not everyone but it does come through.

I disagree. My children went to a nursery from 8 to 5 five days a week from the age of six months. I am fed up with reading that my children were "farmed out", "dumped" in a nursery (and the rest) and generally being guilt tripped. I worked damned hard to keep a roof over our heads and to spend every moment I could with my children in the evenings and at weekends.

I have no idea how their lives would be different if they'd been at home with me all day - maybe they wouldn't be the people they are today. However, they are both confident young people with good lives and we all have a close relationship - I don't think any of us could ask for much more.

loopyloo

There is a difference between nursery school and day nurseries.

I'm pretty sure most people are aware of the distinction.

There is a difference between nursery school and day nurseries.

I believe it depends on circumstance.

For us answer that one of us was a sahp. I stayed home. Some people have very long hours and travel a bit, thus the sahp is always there. Other people have other wants and needs. Choice.

Choice is so important. Everyone has a different view on these things and should be allowed to make their choices without judgement. But, whereas facilities for allowing both parents to work are on the up, help for a parent to make a different choice (i.e. be at home with their children) is somewhat lacking. It is all a bit unbalanced at the moment.

Casdon

Allira

Actually, being a SAHM is hard work too.
It's not sitting around at home as some might imply. Not if you want happy, fulfilled children.

It's the rather superior perception that comes across that those whose children go to nursery are somehow intellectually superior and their children are high achievers because they did go to nursery that probably annoys other posters.

I don’t think anybody has said, or thinks, that Allira?
Some children get a much better start if they go to nursery, some children get a much better start if they have stay at home parents who teach them. Nobody is being superior about the children’s academic abilities, it’s about maximising their potential.

Not everyone but it does come through.

Harris27

Thanks Allira I could work past 66 but really all the extra work and I’ve been living on £12.30 for the past year it’s really not a priority anymore. I have 11 key children who I plan activities for daily diaries and a weekly report to be uploaded and sent before I Finnish end of week. The stress has played a part in my decision as my health starts to decline. I loved the job and the children and when I go at Christmas I will take lots of memories with me.

Well done Harris27. It's hard work looking after small children. My friend, who was nursery teacher (for age 3+) at a primary school, retired at 58 because of the stress. Bureaucracy and school inspections added to that, of course.

I'm sure the children will remember you too

I looked after DDs two when she went back to work. She started off going back for a couple of days a week and worked up to full time again. I looked after them from 9am to 6pm, sometimes starting earlier if DD had a meeting first thing. Her husband was out from about 8am to 5pm. It did feel as if i saw more of them than their parents did from Monday to Friday. It was a long day sometimes but thet were in their own home, with their own toys and books, and we had fun.

Allira

Actually, being a SAHM is hard work too.
It's not sitting around at home as some might imply. Not if you want happy, fulfilled children.

It's the rather superior perception that comes across that those whose children go to nursery are somehow intellectually superior and their children are high achievers because they did go to nursery that probably annoys other posters.

I don’t think anybody has said, or thinks, that Allira?
Some children get a much better start if they go to nursery, some children get a much better start if they have stay at home parents who teach them. Nobody is being superior about the children’s academic abilities, it’s about maximising their potential.

Thanks Allira I could work past 66 but really all the extra work and I’ve been living on £12.30 for the past year it’s really not a priority anymore. I have 11 key children who I plan activities for daily diaries and a weekly report to be uploaded and sent before I Finnish end of week. The stress has played a part in my decision as my health starts to decline. I loved the job and the children and when I go at Christmas I will take lots of memories with me.

Actually, being a SAHM is hard work too.
It's not sitting around at home as some might imply. Not if you want happy, fulfilled children.

It's the rather superior perception that comes across that those whose children go to nursery are somehow intellectually superior and their children are high achievers because they did go to nursery that probably annoys other posters.

Yes Allira dumping and ‘stuffing them into nursery’ was another choice use of words

Judgemental comments that put women who make different choices down are never a good thing
Children raised by those of us here who chose to work didn’t love our children or care for them any less

ViceVersa

^Has anyone said anything about dumping children in nurseries?^

Yes, that term was used on P3 of this thread.

Oh!!

Well, not one I would use.

Yes Allira those exact words were used.

We’ve all got our own views, our own experiences, and justification for our own choices on this subject, but our child rearing days have passed, and we have no influence on what the next generation do, other than offering help if and when needed.

There has though been a lot of research, which concludes that on average children who attend nursery do better educationally, so it’s not as clear cut as people seem to assume. I wouldn’t presume to tell other people what to do, and all any of us can do realistically is to be happy with our own choices at the time we made them, and accept that the world is ever changing.

Has anyone said anything about dumping children in nurseries?

Yes, that term was used on P3 of this thread.

Harris27

No offence taken but after 24 years in the same nursery you have your views and I have mine. My training didn’t stop at level 3 as we have continued professional development. Every year we renew our safeguarding policies we are all first aid trained and follow the eys guidelines. My wage has just gone up to £13 an hour. Wonderful for the time and effort we put in and for all of the extra jobs and training we do. Good luck to all with a NNEB qualification because in this day and age it comes to nothing in the end. I will be retiring at Chris and yes I will miss the children but certainly not the stress.

Oh, Harris27 that is an insult, really, £13 an hour for taking care of people's precious children. I am shocked!
As the fees are so high, there must be big profits in childcare.
It's hard work. But it must be very rewarding.

Iam64

Flexible working, a more child centred society is something we 70’s feminists fought for.
I’m shocked by the judgemental critical comments here about ‘dumping’ children in nurseries. In the 80’s there were less excellent nurseries than there are now. My children were with auntie j from age 2 - 11. They’re now 38 and 40 with children of their own. Their children went to excellent nurseries and had a day a week with two sets of grandparents.
My daughters and their partners work hard, they jiggle the demands of running their own businesses with the needs of their children aged 6, 7, 9 and 10. Lives are different. As parents we had regular salary , holidays and sick leave. None of my 4 young parents have this security.

I enjoy gransnet but I’m pretty stunned by comments here

Has anyone said anything about dumping children in nurseries?

In the late 1960s and 70s it really was Hobson's Choice unless you could find a childminder - the only one I came across I wouldn't have left my dog with. My DD was friends with her DD, that's how I knew her. Of course, most are not like her.

There was more choice later on but now choice is limited as it was back then, but in a different way entirely.
Then it was because a complete lack of childcare, now it is because it is often economic necessity.

I do wonder how many young mothers, forced back to work through a need to pay the mortgage, would actually prefer to spend the first precious years with their children rather than rely on nurseries?
It would be interesting to know.

Of course, we will never know how many babies and children would prefer to be at home with a parent than in a nursery as they cannot speak for themselves.

I do know that DGD really disliked going to Breakfast Club before school.