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Grandparenting

My grandson was labelled uneducable when he was 12 years old.

(28 Posts)
Franbern Thu 10-Jul-25 09:17:21

My first grandchild was born 25 years ago. Right from the start we (his Mum and me) knew that he was slightly different to other babies (I had fostered around 40 small babies over the years, as well my own five children.
He hated being swaddled - all new borns I had handled found swaddling in those early weeks gave them a sense of security. - he screamed!!!

As he went into toddlerhood, it was obvious he was pretty intelligent - spoke early, made normal physical milestones.

Terrible terrible tantrums often ensued, one time his screams when he just refused to get out of the car when they came home actually got neighbours contacting social services.

By the age of five he was diagnosed with Autism. \school was difficult - he was accused of bullying as he would push other children when lining up after breaks. When talked to he told teachers that he HAD to be third in the queue!!!!

School was changed to another local one with a better Senco department and between good teachers and his parents he got through primary school. An excellent local Secondary school was selected with lots of discussion with their SENS department who were sure they could work with him.

Sadly, half a term in they virtually gave up and his parents were told that they needed to bring him in half an hour after normal starting time and pick him up half an hour early, At school most of his time was spent with his own Teaching Assistant, excluded from normal classes and contact with other pupils.
This resulted in this lad - at the age of 12 years being diagnosed as being clinically depressed. Local SENS department head actually wrote in her report - 'This boy is ineducable'.

Parents found a special school for Autistic children, but it was expensive and also too far away for him to attend as a day pupil. He spent a couple of days there as a trial and it was excellent. Sadly, local authority said they could not fund him to go there and wanted to send him to a nearer school for children with learning difficulties.

He had none -except his autism. Was quite obviously highly intelligent. That school would have been useless for him.

As our family includes teachers, Educational Psychologists and high qualified Mental Health workers, with their help, his parents borrowed money and started to gather together reports on him.,and put in an official appeal against t the decision not to pay for him to go the autistic school.

The day before this was due to go to Court, the Council caved in and said he could start there the following term as a weekly boarder. He spent the next three years there, settling down slowly. Their rules were strict and he learned to abide by them. Slowly he improved and learned more about his own condition and also management techniques. His GCE results were good and he asked to go to the local college for his A levels and stay at home

ANy.way, to finish this story. A levels and year or two following were confused by Covid, but he managed four A levels, all except one with A pass (This was a B+), these included Maths, Further Maths, Chemistry, Physics.

Off he went to a very good University for Chemical Studies. Went well at first, sadly he got covid and then that developed into a fear of mixing with other people - and he refused to into college for lectures etc. Has taken him a long time with a year off totally along the way. But University kept him going and it has come to a pretty good end.

That 'uneducable pupil' will next week attend the Graduation Ceremony to collect his 2.1 BSc degree in front of family etc.

He has a partner, and together they have a flat in his university town, where he wishes to continue living. Just needs a job now. Yes, he is still rather strange, will probably not be able to work full-time (he is a total hypocondriac).

But his Mum (who works in the SENCO offices of the local educational authority) is so looking forward to showing off that graduation to that same Lady who still works there and point out what a mistake she made.

Sarnia Thu 10-Jul-25 16:38:05

Elizabethlovejoy

This is the AI summary from a quick google search
Local Authority Funded Places:
If a private school is named in a pupil's EHCP and the local authority funds the place, the school fees are exempt from VAT. The local authority can then reclaim the VAT.
Parent-Funded Places:
If a parent chooses to send their child to a private school with an EHCP but the local authority has decided the child's needs can be met in the state sector, VAT will be applied to the fees.

At my GD's private specialist school the Head has raised the EHCP fees by 20% to match the VAT increase. This means the local education authority pay increased fees and it offsets those without an EHCP with parents who would struggle to pay the increase.
More than one way to skin a cat, Sir Keir.

Elizabethlovejoy Thu 10-Jul-25 15:58:57

This is the AI summary from a quick google search
Local Authority Funded Places:
If a private school is named in a pupil's EHCP and the local authority funds the place, the school fees are exempt from VAT. The local authority can then reclaim the VAT.
Parent-Funded Places:
If a parent chooses to send their child to a private school with an EHCP but the local authority has decided the child's needs can be met in the state sector, VAT will be applied to the fees.

Elizabethlovejoy Thu 10-Jul-25 15:56:09

I understood that if a child had an EHCP the fees are exempt from VAT?

Sarnia Thu 10-Jul-25 15:07:09

vegansrock

When David Blunkett closed special schools and decided most children could be taught in mainstream , I predicted it would become unaffordable. Special provision for autism and other physical and psychological disorders have smaller classes, specially trained teachers and build in much more individual te hing plans. This could never be replicated in every mainstream school where a teacher maybe has 25 other children to reach , maybe one TA and 2 or 3 children with SEN in the classroom. No wonder schools and LAs want to minimise the ECHPs which mean spending large % of the school budget on children who need individual helpers all day. A neighbour has a SEN child who spends about 10% of the day in the classroom, the rest in isolation as he can’t cope with the other kids. Someone has to supervise him and he isn’t getting much of an education. Sorry to go off tack here- congrats to the children and parents who manage to find their way through the system and succeed.

You make a very good point.
A great idea for all children whether gifted, average or with special needs to go to their local schools with others living in their neighbourhood. The problem was that the money needed to make that happen was never made available for specialist teachers and resources. Every Government trims the education budget year on year instead of investing in these children who are the future of our country.
As I mentioned earlier on this topic I have a 12 year old GD with an EHCP who attends a private specialist dyslexia school. All paid for by the local education authority who have to cough up even more now because Starmer increased VAT on private schools right across the board. Another politician who did not think things through or hold proper consultations with the professionals.

vegansrock Thu 10-Jul-25 14:51:36

When David Blunkett closed special schools and decided most children could be taught in mainstream , I predicted it would become unaffordable. Special provision for autism and other physical and psychological disorders have smaller classes, specially trained teachers and build in much more individual te hing plans. This could never be replicated in every mainstream school where a teacher maybe has 25 other children to reach , maybe one TA and 2 or 3 children with SEN in the classroom. No wonder schools and LAs want to minimise the ECHPs which mean spending large % of the school budget on children who need individual helpers all day. A neighbour has a SEN child who spends about 10% of the day in the classroom, the rest in isolation as he can’t cope with the other kids. Someone has to supervise him and he isn’t getting much of an education. Sorry to go off tack here- congrats to the children and parents who manage to find their way through the system and succeed.

Westcoaster Thu 10-Jul-25 13:50:53

How wonderful! Congratulations to him and good luck on the job hunt.

nanna8 Thu 10-Jul-25 13:48:07

So good and heart warming to hear positive results for this young person. Also lessons to be learned in being persistent and insisting on the right level of care!

pably15 Thu 10-Jul-25 13:23:34

Franbern, so good to hear how well you grandson has done, his family must be very proud of him.

Oreo Thu 10-Jul-25 13:22:17

Well done to him and your family Franbern for fighting for somewhere suitable for his needs.It must have been an exhausting process and is so unfair.Intelligent children with autism have every right to expect suitable schooling.
The truth is that the UK, and England in particular is woefully underfunded in this respect.
It shows that with the right school and support children with autism can do well.

Oreo Thu 10-Jul-25 13:18:08

Caleo

"Ineducable" relates to the criterion of affordability within the authority's budget.

When your grandson had a teaching assistant all to himself other children would have had that much less money spent on their needs.

What you are implying is that high- functioning autists deserve a larger share of the budget. Praise for your grandson is proper , however equality of opportunity for all children does not include unlimited funds to support his education.

Public education is free , not only because we are merciful towards every child, but also because free schooling helps society to flourish.

What a mean response, unbelievable.

eddiecat78 Thu 10-Jul-25 13:09:24

Just 2 days ago the odious Gregg Wallace was blaming his bad behaviour on his autism (which he claims was recently diagnosed) and says the BBC should have looked after him better because of his "disability ' (his word, not mine).
I am furious that people like him who have lived a very successful life are jumping on the autistic bandwagon - his experience has nothing in common with people like Franbern's grandson and others who are even worse affected

Shelflife Thu 10-Jul-25 13:07:50

Thank-you for your amaxing story, an inspiration to many I am sure . I wish him well.

Franbern Thu 10-Jul-25 12:55:16

Caleo interesting your observation. It is the plague of so much in present goverment - 'short terminism'.

Yes, it was horrendously expensive the private school for autistic children, BUT the cost of just under three years there will easily be offset by the fact that he will spend (hopefully) being a useful, tax paying member of society. Had he NOT gone there he would have probably needed to be on benefits for the rest of his life.

Greenfinch Thu 10-Jul-25 10:58:40

What a heart warming story Franbern and well done for all the family support that was given. Particularly exciting is that he has a partner. Our autistic grandson aged 18 now has two friends and that makes us very happy. We don’t worry about academic achievement but look for social interaction and the development of social skills which is beginning to happen. I would love for all special needs children to receive the care they need despite the cost.

Jaxjacky Thu 10-Jul-25 10:31:30

Well done to your grandson and his family Franbern I wish all SEND children had such support and decent outcomes, sadly they don’t.

Farmor15 Thu 10-Jul-25 10:12:51

Interesting Franbern that you mention your grandson was different even as a baby - hated swaddling. It's great that he's achieved a lot in his life so far, despite all the difficulties.
Autism seems to run in our family, though we're only recognising it now. 2 of my children are probably autistic and both stopped breastfeeding earlier that my other 3, and didn't want a bottle - just went straight to sippy cup at about 7 months. When he was under a year, one of them didn't like coming into our bed for a cuddle if he woke in the night - preferred to stay in a cot in a room on his own.

blue14 Thu 10-Jul-25 09:54:22

Congratulations to your grandson.

You know and understand all the difficulties he's overcome so enjoy every minute of his graduation.

David49 Thu 10-Jul-25 09:50:44

I had a childhood friend who was super intelligent, he progressed normally but his brother was always morose and unsociable, he would have been labeled autistic today, he ended up in an institution, today maybe he would have got the help he needed.
Tragic family the daughter committed suicide.

Magenta8 Thu 10-Jul-25 09:48:47

The support of an intelligent and caring family had a great influence on how your GS has been able to manage his life so far. That is not to belittle the achievements of your GS. I wish him all the best for the future.

This is family unity at its best.

Caleo Thu 10-Jul-25 09:48:41

"Ineducable" relates to the criterion of affordability within the authority's budget.

When your grandson had a teaching assistant all to himself other children would have had that much less money spent on their needs.

What you are implying is that high- functioning autists deserve a larger share of the budget. Praise for your grandson is proper , however equality of opportunity for all children does not include unlimited funds to support his education.

Public education is free , not only because we are merciful towards every child, but also because free schooling helps society to flourish.

Sarnia Thu 10-Jul-25 09:44:40

Your story up to getting the local education department involved mirrors one of my granddaughters.
During Covid and doing Zoom lessons it became increasingly obvious that she very likely dyslexic. Post Covid, her teachers did basic assessments and reached the same conclusion. Fortunately, a DIL is an Early Years and SEND expert who helps families navigate the stormy waters of getting an EHCP (Educational Health Care Plan) a vital and legally binding document for the appropriate education for that particular child. Together with my DD and SIL they started the process of having my GD professionally assessed. Surrey County Council had no EP's at the time so they had no option but to go private. When the reports were completed they were sent to SCC who replied that they did not accept private assessments!!! My tenacious DD trawled through SCC's own policy and found a clause that said if the local education department were unable to carry out their own assessments they had to accept those from private specialists. She had great pleasure in telling them that. It took 1 day short of 2 years and constant battles and obstacles from SCC before they finally named this particular school. Like you, this was 4 days before the tribunal. SCC have a history of leaving parents with no alternative but to go to court only to step back at the 11th hour. The total cost to my DD and SIL with private assessments and costly barristers for the tribunal was £20,000. All their savings, making economies and family help made it possible. Local authorities should refund parents unfair expenses.
Yesterday I went to my GD private, specialist dyslexia school and watched through tears as she walked up to the stage to collect 3 awards. The change in her in 2 years has been remarkable. Steadily regaining her self-esteem and making strides in her education.
Enjoy every single second of that Graduation ceremony. I know just how you will feel.

MiniMoon Thu 10-Jul-25 09:37:57

What a wonderful, triumphant story. Well done to your grandson.

ferry23 Thu 10-Jul-25 09:33:06

What an inspiring story on so many levels!

Well done to all.

sodapop Thu 10-Jul-25 09:31:36

That's brilliant Franbern congratulations to your grandson and the family who supported him. Very well done.

GrannyGravy13 Thu 10-Jul-25 09:27:46

Well done to you GS for his achievements.

A massive well done to his family for constantly fighting his corner.