Reality vs expectations

Yes I think the choice should be ours not enforced by our children and expected after doing so much in the past
Of course we want to see and develop relationships with our GC
We can’t give the same in our seventies as we did in our thirties and we are more vulnerable to eg bad backs and bugs

REKA

We live quite close to 5 of our grandchildren. We were never asked to do regular child caring. I'd have said very sorry, not going to happen.

We're there for emergencies but could never have coped with daily/weekly care.

I find that sad. I never was asked to have set times to have grandchildren, but chose to have them a couple of times a week. I also helped out when needed and invited them round often at other unscheduled times. I loved their company but didn’t want to be tied down to regular days again after years of minding my own children.
I was never expected to have the grandchildren regularly. My daughters, to whom I am very close, always made sure I had my own life. When I looked after the grandchildren, it was because I wanted to, although I would always help out in an emergency as well. We still have a great relationship. My granddaughter, the only girl, and I are particularly close and she visits a lot. She now has a baby boy, my first great grandchild, and I adore him.
I think the point I am clumsily trying to make is that you can get great pleasure from grandchildren and great -grandchildren and you’d be daft not to take advantage of that while you can. But y don’t have to sacrifice your own plans to do that.

M0nica

If my grandchildren have children in their late 30s like their parents. Those parents will be in their mid 70s before they become grandparents.

Quite normal today, innit?

If my grandchildren have children in their late 30s like their parents. Those parents will be in their mid 70s before they become grandparents.

Smileless2012

I wonder what their thoughts will be in years to come when they're GP's .

Interesting innit?

We had our first when I was 17, I was a Nan by 40. Our daughters were Nans at near 50 years old, considerably too old for raising GC.

M0nica makes a good point. My own children have had their children in their late 20s and I was fortunate to be already retired by 60, so able (& willing) to do regular childcare. I would not be so willing in my 70s.

As most of the generation who expect all this child care had their families in their mid/late 30s, and assuming their children do the same, they will be well into their 70s before they become grandparents, if they live long enough to have grandchildren.

I wonder what their thoughts will be in years to come when they're GP's .

Ironically I've just landed here from Mumsnet where all of them seem to think that grandparents should do more childminding, think that we have too much money and shouldn't be getting state pensions. All in one generation. Where did this self entitlement come from? We never got or expected so much from our parents

Lots of different experiences and good advise
When we started a few years back looking after one GC for. a couple of days a week it wasn’t so bad but after the second one came we find it a lot more tiring not least from having to watch their good and bad interactions like a hawk
We cover for other requirements through the week and it can amount to daily support for quite a few hours per day now
Also we’ve picked up several nasty bugs which have left us drained for weeks
This is what is prompting a rethink !!
We are older now and less resilient

We started 10 years ago, but as we got older, so did DGS. We stuck to our guns one day a week, with the odd evening (other GPs do that mostly as they have a spare bedroom and are 10 years younger).
But now he is older, it is more about feeding and hosting a friend or delivering/collecting from various friends. I do not think I could manage a toddler any more.

Recently they have been ducking out for last minute holidays meaning we take up the slack, and DH gets a bit cross. While we do have sympathy for the sheer cost, parents are now getting more "free" hours for younger children, so perhaps it will ease a bit?
You really do have to have a plan of what you can cope with and stick to it, saying sorry you are booked. Do set limits though if you cannot cope with long days (mine can be 12 hours in the holidays). It helps if you are in contact with the other GPs to sort out what suits you both

Just to add, I’m Gen X. We’re definitely some of the newer grandparents on the block, generationally speaking.

I don’t know of anyone who could afford to go part time, tbh. With everything going on rn, everyone I know is working as much as they can because with the random tariffs and the cost of everything going up, we don’t know what to expect, but less income sounds like a bad idea.

Retread

Whereabouts are you, MercuryQueen?

Canada

It appears then that people have children they cannot afford. Without grandparents providing free care how would they manage. We had children we could afford. I loved having all mine but I wouldn't want to do what many are for years on end,

Our eldest DD and family are an hour away via country roads. We were 67 and 62 when the eldest was born and used to park our caravan on a nearby farm caravan site to do 3 days a week.4 It was wonderful to do it but we were worn out. When GC2 came along we continued to do the same but soon found we couldn't manage it so cut it down to collecting from nursery/school and giving them tea and later taking each to an after-school activity once a week each.

DD2 is 180 miles away and undergoing IVF. I'm afraid we aren't going to be able to be involved much at all with a new GC. My DH now has mobility issues and I am coping a lot with his needs while trying to keep up my outside interests.

I can't split myself any further without damaging my own health. I've just spent 18 months overcoming cancer treatment, I need to start looking after me.

All that said, first DD never "relied" on us and there was never any pressure from her.

Smileless - don't forget people's circumstances do change - and birth control can fail occasionally too.
We obviously don't know their individual circumstances here.

Having worked with homeless people I do know how just one thing can have the most awful domino type consequences.

It's rarely a case of everything just being very straightforward.

Why isn't saying no an option eazybee? If your neighbour's grand niece and her husband can't afford childminders, why did they have a child?

Decide with yourDH what you are happy /able to offer then stick to it

sodapop Why do people find it so difficult to say no to their adult children. To put your health at risk and your life on hold for several years is such a waste.

I agree.

If people desire to childmind so be it. We've raised ours, we're done, they may pay for whatever childcare they need or want.

I have "been there done that, raise children Tshirts" I need no more.

We live quite close to 5 of our grandchildren. We were never asked to do regular child caring. I'd have said very sorry, not going to happen.

We're there for emergencies but could never have coped with daily/weekly care.

sodapop

Why do people find it so difficult to say no to their adult children. To put your health at risk and your life on hold for several years is such a waste. We are in our late seventies now and all grandchildren grown up, I couldn't manage to look after babies or toddlers now.
Our days are spent quietly in our rural home, dog walking, lunching with friends, reading all the things we enjoy. This is how life should be in our later years, my opinion of course.

I am absolutely with you sodapop.

I sometimes also wonder what is going on in the minds of these selfish children who do not seem to care how old or ill their parents or (it seems now) their aunts as long as they can avoid paying for childcare.

My 57year old neighbour (never had children of her own) is looking after her niece’s baby, for a few hours, one day a week. As much as she loves her grand-nephew, she is absolutely shattered by the end of her ‘shift’. Saying ‘No’ is not an option. Her grand-niece and husband are just starting out and can’t afford baby-minders.
Perhaps, once she gets used to it, she’ll be fine,

You aren’t obliged to do more than you can and actually, we do none on a regular basis but will if there is an emergency. I’m glad we made this clear as I’m a little ill at the moment and couldn’t cope with the grandchildren even though I love them to bits. We are grandparents, not parents.

Why do people find it so difficult to say no to their adult children. To put your health at risk and your life on hold for several years is such a waste. We are in our late seventies now and all grandchildren grown up, I couldn't manage to look after babies or toddlers now.
Our days are spent quietly in our rural home, dog walking, lunching with friends, reading all the things we enjoy. This is how life should be in our later years, my opinion of course.

It’s a very common problem at the moment. I have a friend that looks after her two DGDs two full days a week, her and her DH are exhausted, their often ill, they catch every virus the children get and are ill for weeks on end.
It’s a shame because their good friends of ours but be rarely see them now.
The home improvement they need to do are all on the back burner too.
I would think seriously about your options, and if possible choose the lesser option as there’s always the chance of emergency cover as well.
Tiredness is the bane of our lives as we’re getting older, not just physical but mental too. We all still need to have some head space left to do our own thing. Good luck.