Grandchild gift giving

Multicoloured the birthdays been and gone the grandad bought the special gift with help from the father
It’s over and done with

Please read the grandads update folks

Sorry I’ve just noticed it’s dollars and not pounds, however my advice will never change take care and stop spoiling the child that’s far too much money to give any child you’ll never teach him the true value of money

HopelessGranddad you are really quite daft to even consider giving your gs £500 I prefer to give my g sons lots of hugs and a fiver each time I see them and they’re so grateful for even that. Never in a million years will I give them any more money. I just look on Amazon and give them a small gift for birthdays and christmases, You take care and STOP giving so much.

You re all still rabbitting on as if the grandparent still needs advice if you read the thread you will see that he did indeed buy the boy the present costing $500, the father gave some
towards it and the child was very happy and probably won’t get as much for Christmas

What do you mean, what do you do? If you can't afford it or think it's unreasonable you say no. Simple.

Very greedy is my opinion, which is obviously the fault of the parents, and you helping/indulging them over the years. I agree with other views here, and especially Madeleine45. We have 6 grandchildren between us, and I love to treat them all throughout the year, and buy something special for 18th & 21st birthdays. As they’ve got older I buy the girls (my 4) theatre tickets/vouchers or something similar. One is a keen horse rider, so she gets a gift related to her interest. The boys, my partner’s 2 grandsons are treated to a day at the cricket (Lords on Saturday) or Premiun Bonds, plus a small gift. We don’t go overboard, and always ask the parents first.

There would be no way I would be giving my grandson either the money or paying that sort of price for any present. Even if I was a millionaire I would not want to be spending such amounts on a child of 12. He is obviously learning from his parents that he can ask for ridiculous amounts and expect to receive them. You would not be doing him any favours by letting him think that other people provide what you want and you make no effort to save or find ways of working to get something he wanted. That he needs to learn to think what might be possible and also learn to choose from things and not think that he is entitled to whatever he wants. No one can expect that , whoever the might be even Donald Trump. !!

So I feel that you need to sit and think about things and how you want things to move along. So do you have any real contact personally with him? Do you share any interests, such as chess or football or any particular thing, where you could find something like a book that was connected with the interest, or a possible ticket to visit some exhibition or watch some game. I would hope that you might be able to have the opportunity to have some personal contact with him as he gets older, and that he will then begin to understand that you are not just a money bank but a person with ideas and thoughts of your own and might begin to be interested in you as a person,

One problem is the adverts that always annoy me by saying something is "only" whatever price, implying it is not much. When my son was small and asked for something that was very expensive, I told him that he could not have it, but could see that he didnt really understand what the amount of money represented. So that day, I laid out on the table food for all the meals for a week for the three of us. When he came in I explained that if he had the money for this toy, all three of us would have to go without any food for 6-1/2 days. He looked a bit shaken and I went through it again and we looked at the various foods and I asked him whether he would mind not eating this or that etc. It did sink in and he was able to understand much better. As he grew older I was able to refer back to that occasion and ask if he thought it was fair! He did not always like it but did realize what the actual amounts of money meant. I think that it is sad but probably true that at some point you have to say no, and see how he reacts to this. If you allow this to happen you are encouraging him to leech off other people, think that money is the be all and end all, and that he does not need to empathise with others or understand the world needs give and take. So by giving him this money , I think you will be just putting off the inevitable. Perhaps you could put an amount that you thing is reasonable, in an account, still in your name , not his, and then you have the rights over the account. Then you can add to this, without him necessarily knowing about it. Then if things improved over the years you may have a relationshipin the future where you could then give him this money and explain that this was saved for him over the years, so that he will know that you thought of him even if he did not know at the time. Do hope he grows up to have a better attitude to life, and that you dont let yourself be pushed into giving something you cannot afford and also do not think it is a good thing to do. I much prefer giving special occasions to grandchildren , so that they might have the first chance to see a ballet or go iceskating or something a bit unexpected. They do remember doing things more than having things, in my opinion.

Eleven countries use dollars.

It's difficult to work out the equivalent but, assuming you're in the USA this would equate to about £370.
If Australia then about £240
Canada £270
If you're in Hong Kong about £48

So how long is a piece of string?

If your DGS wants a item worth $500 you could offer to give something towards it, whatever you feel you can afford or is reasonable.

My DGC wouldn't ask!

Are you comfortable with spending that amount, OP?

I don't know how finding out what people on here would do will help you decide. Everyone's circumstances are different, and as you are talking about dollars you are clearly not in the UK, so prices might vary too.

I don't think that children should necessarily get everything they ask for, and wouldn't feel remotely guilty if I felt something was too extravagant, but equally, if I could afford to get a (hypothetical) grandchild something s/he really wanted without running myself short, why not? I'm not sure what the mother's attitude to money has to do with it.

How much do you normally give him? Can you give him cash to start saving for what he wants.

Thank you for this suggestion. We did buy the gift, but split the cost with our son. We will probably spend less at Christmas as well. Our grandson was over-the-moon excited and grateful.

£40 or £50 is about what we spend - but if we know they want something expensive we might give (say) £50 to them for them to save up and a book or small something else. One grandson always wants expensive things and he loves the chocolates that come in selection boxes where the different flavours have names. Recently he has had a small box of fancy chocolates and the cash.
He sent us a video of him doing a birthday taste test last month! 😍

I couldn't (and wouldn't) run to the equivalent of $500 at 12!!!

£400 for a twelve year old's birthday??
This presumably comes from the money his mother, and father? lavish on him.
Give him what you can afford towards this present (I would think £50 more than ample), and stop bailing his parents out.

We give actual presents, not money. Soon to be 18 granddaughter requested new netball trainers, £75 and we’re having a special cake made

500 dollars seems crazy for a 12 year old!
How will he learn the value of money and how long one has to work to get each 100, if he receives gifts like this on request?
I think a 50 limit per grandchild each birthday and Christmas until they are 18 is fine, then maybe 100 or 200 for the eighteenth. After 18, I suggest just token presents if you see the child/young adult, and a card if you don't see them.

My Grandchildren have no expectations and are pleased with what they receive.

I like that, Rachifagran, and mine are much the same. We give the same set sum to each on their birthdays and at Christmas, and we’re guided by their parents as to how it’s spent. Usually it’s on something the child asks for, with any excess going into their savings, though the older ones lately have just had the full amount towards a bigger present. They would never ask for something really expensive like this.

I wouldn’t be going along with it if I were you, Hopelessgranddad, even if you could afford it. Whether we’re talking US, Australian or NZ dollars, 500 is way too much to expect, and I think children really need to know they can’t just have everything they want.

Am afraid that sounds like a lot of money.
Is not really about whether you can afford this but whether you think it is reasonable.I personally don’t think it is a reasonable request. We get the grandchildren a bit of something for them to open and put money in their accounts, though it is usually just £40/£45. We think that is reasonable and so do their parents who urge us not to spend too much on the GCs.
When one of them hits 18 we will spend more but it won’t be OTT.

I have 10 GC/SGC and you are all far more generous than me.
I have recently increased birthdays to £75 and C…..s stays at £50 as I have to do all 10 then.

While!!

Regardless of your financial situation that is FAR too much !!!!! £50 is my limit when it comes to birthday gifts for GC. More for a special birthday.
Sounds as though your DIL has no common sense, buying things she can't afford whole you pay her utility bills and food!!!!!!
You are not out of touch , your DIL needs a reality check - never mind keeping up with the ' Jones' s !!!!

Same here Nannto3

Everyone can give away £3000 pa and it’s regarded as tax free, like Isas

He probably doesn't understand how much £400 is if he hasn't been brought up to know the value of money.

He would get £20/25 from me and be grateful.
I only have a state pension.

Maelil

crazyH

Same as 52bright - £200 each for birthday and Xmas ….5 adults and 6 GC., total spend of £4400pa, £3000 of which is tax deductible.
I am not rich by any means, but I am divorced, live alone and my holiday companions. don’t wish to travel anymore. So I think it makes financial sense to give it to the family.

When did gifts become tax-deductible? I’m not sure this is correct.

I was puzzled by this too. Maybe it goes into a trust of some kind?

I give £30 I also cannot believe how much others spend, although no judgement as all families are different.
I go to my daughters to watch my Grandson once a week and I always buy him a milkshake all bells and whistles £5 a time as a treat so he gets things during the year, not just a high amount of money on his birthday. I do the same for the other two just different things.
My Grandchildrrn have no expectations and are pleased with what they recieve.