Gransnet forums

Grandparenting

Grandchild gift giving

(49 Posts)
HopelessGranddad Fri 01-Aug-25 15:49:03

My grandson is turning 12 soon. His parents are separated and their relationship difficulties prohibit us from seeing him and his younger brother, but for 2 or 3 times a year, although they live close. My grandson has asked for a gift costing $500 for his birthday. I am lost as to what I should do. He is a wonderful child, but my daughter-in-law likes to "keep up with the Jones" and buys her sons (and herself) things they cannot afford. My husband and I have given them thousands over the years to pay for gas, electricity, credit card bills, and food, although they seem to be stable now. Is his request normal, or am I out of touch with what grandchildren expect these days?

silverlining48 Fri 01-Aug-25 16:03:24

Sounds like a lot of money especially for a 12 th birthday. Even if I had it I wouldn’t spend that much. Maybe an 18 th or 21 st but even then it’s a lot especially as you have helped out a lot already and it will be hard to go back to a more sensible amount if you cave in to this.
I would ask for alternative gift or give some money towards whatever it is he wants .
I have a 12 year old grandson and usually spend about £50 for a gift. Or money which he saves towards his expensive tech stuff.

52bright Fri 01-Aug-25 16:11:13

I spend about £200 each for birthdays for my two grandchildren. It is a lot but we can afford it and it's usually for things they would like but their parents couldn't afford. DD and grandchildren always appreciate the gifts so I don't mind. £500 is more than I would spend but some will think that my limit of £200 is more than they would spend. Do what you think best op. If you feel uncomfortable with that amount say so and maybe offer to make a contribution instead. We sometimes go half with the parents for expensive gifts. Maybe that could be an option.

Harris27 Fri 01-Aug-25 16:16:42

Yous must have more disposable income than me. £40:pounds is all I can afford.

Cabbie21 Fri 01-Aug-25 16:38:45

My youngest grandson’s list always contains lots of expensive items, especially clothes and tech, but his mum insists he includes some more reasonable ones for his grandparents to buy.

HowVeryDareYou2 Fri 01-Aug-25 16:47:47

We've got 5 grandchildren - 3 biological, 2 step-grandchildren. Ages 2yes to 15yrs. We spend about £70 on each one. I wouldn't dream of spending £500 on one child and think he sounds rather spoilt in even asking.

crazyH Fri 01-Aug-25 17:09:56

Same as 52bright - £200 each for birthday and Xmas ….5 adults and 6 GC., total spend of £4400pa, £3000 of which is tax deductible.
I am not rich by any means, but I am divorced, live alone and my holiday companions. don’t wish to travel anymore. So I think it makes financial sense to give it to the family.

crazyH Fri 01-Aug-25 17:12:41

Btw, I am not ‘buying’ their love. As a matter I am the least needy person, I know. I am very independent ..

BlueBelle Fri 01-Aug-25 17:34:44

I have 7 grandkids and always gave or spent £100 per birthday and Christmas now 6 out of 7 are working and earning good wages (even the last one is working part time while at Uni ) so it’s gone down to £50 per time now
500$ if I m right is not far off £400 and that’s a lot of money for one birthday Way more than most people would spend I think

kircubbin2000 Fri 01-Aug-25 17:37:57

I put the money in his account and send a small gift.

pably15 Fri 01-Aug-25 17:51:55

I think that's quite a lot, it's more than I give, but it's up to you, maybe tell him you'll help to get the expensive present he wants by puting some money towards it..

Allsorts Fri 01-Aug-25 18:36:14

I think that is too much, did he ask you or did you him what he wanted? I would give a£100 if you can afford it, plus a littke gift, if not give what you can afford, £50 is good he can put that money towards what he wants.it is a bad message his mother is giving out. It is not how much it's the thought. What happens in future?

butterandjam Fri 01-Aug-25 18:37:30

. I give GC £50 to spend, and some personal item, makeup/ a book/ t shirt.

Between adult family, just token gifts, often home made. We've all got enough money.

Humbertbear Fri 01-Aug-25 18:39:44

If a child wants something that expensive , then everyone should be asked to chip in whatever cash they can afford. It shouldn’t be down to one person. That’s how my GD was able to purchase a new phone.

Deedaa Fri 01-Aug-25 18:45:58

i think by that age I sometimes gave them some money towards an expensive item, so that they could save the rest themselves. I think a 12 year old is quite old enough to understand that grandparents don't have unlimited funds and can only give them what they can afford.

Daddima Fri 01-Aug-25 19:27:17

Here comes Bad Granny again! I think 12 is old enough to understand that £400 is a lot of money, and, even if grandparents could afford it, he’s got a cheek asking!

Tell him you’ve sent money in his name to WaterAid to give children in Africa clean drinking water!

BlueBelle Fri 01-Aug-25 19:46:34

I too think he’s got a cheek asking for something of that value thankfully my grandkids have always if anything under asked for things
You say your son and daughter in law have had thousands of pounds from you over the years well your grandson is going the same way Why not tell him to chose something for £50 or £100 if you want …it’s not like it’s a 21st or anything he’s only 12 what’s he going to ask for when he’s 18 ?

M0nica Sat 02-Aug-25 08:29:58

Reading all the comments here, it is clear we are mean grandparents. How much we spend on grandchildren's birthdays etc.

The amount we spend varies enormously from well less than £50 to - on DGD 18th birthday - £200. In everything we give we are guided by the children's parents. My DS & DDiL have consciously brought the children up in a low tech household and the children are do-ers rather than watchers, so there is little demand for expensivee high tech. Now they are mid-teens and upwards, except at Christmas, we give cash.

Maelil Sat 02-Aug-25 08:36:38

crazyH

Same as 52bright - £200 each for birthday and Xmas ….5 adults and 6 GC., total spend of £4400pa, £3000 of which is tax deductible.
I am not rich by any means, but I am divorced, live alone and my holiday companions. don’t wish to travel anymore. So I think it makes financial sense to give it to the family.

When did gifts become tax-deductible? I’m not sure this is correct.

BlueBelle Sat 02-Aug-25 08:37:59

It also depends on the grandparents income Monica if there’s one or two of you etc etc it’s not about being mean although I think that was tongue in cheek My grandkids are always very grateful for anything and they get bits inbetween too like when they go on holiday etc

Gingster Sat 02-Aug-25 08:48:06

Omg I’m the meanest nanna! I have 8 grandchildren. They each receive £30; for
Birthdays and Christmas . Special birthdays £50.

I can’t believe how much you all spend on them.

We’ve always helped out when needed and for important things but goodness me they all have everything these days, anyway.

ExDancer Sat 02-Aug-25 08:57:01

How do you all afford it?
£20 - £25 is my limit. I have my state pension and that's 'it'.

keepingquiet Sat 02-Aug-25 08:57:20

I'm sorry but this is a ridiculous amount of money- if you spend this much this year what will he want next year?

My GC was 12 this time and was saving up to buy his own lap-top. I bought him a small gift and some money to put in his savings. He bought the lap-top with his birthday money and savings.

You are teaching children nothing by encouraging this entitlement, but that's just my take on it.

Justwidowed Sat 02-Aug-25 08:57:22

I have 2 GC and 10GGC under 18.They all get £25 each for birthdays and Christmas which is supposed to buy Premium Bonds.
They all seem to get inundated with presents with large families.

I'm happy with what I give.

rafichagran Sat 02-Aug-25 09:13:41

I give £30 I also cannot believe how much others spend, although no judgement as all families are different.
I go to my daughters to watch my Grandson once a week and I always buy him a milkshake all bells and whistles £5 a time as a treat so he gets things during the year, not just a high amount of money on his birthday. I do the same for the other two just different things.
My Grandchildrrn have no expectations and are pleased with what they recieve.