No, it's really not that, I can guarantee. The boy does it because he knows its a good way to fell a grown man. I've seen him do it to his dad and uncle too. But they are stern about it, whereas my husband only reacts to it - by doubling up! - if the little boy scores a 'strike'.
butterandjam I 'd be VERY seriously concerned what Grandpas' motive is in Grandpa is training them it's acceptable / "just a game" to touch his genitals ?????????? ANYBODY's genitals/ Is he doing it back to them when you don't see?
Can you imagine the consequences if one of them grabs/punched /squeezes a kid's genitals at school, and offers the excuse " I do it to grandpa , he likes it".
Exactly. I was thinking the same.
Oh I've been there! I wasn't married though, and in the end my ex-partner's indulgent behaviour towards his family became too much. He chose them over me and I left.
I'm guessing the GC never do their OTT "grandpa" routines in front of their parents!
If their parents knew about the toe-stepping, goolie punchong and deliberate rudeness (standing in front of TV) I am pretty sure they'd feel the same as you and exert some pressure on Grandpa.. and the kids. to cut that out.
I 'd be VERY seriously concerned what Grandpas' motive is in Grandpa is training them it's acceptable / "just a game" to touch his genitals ?????????? ANYBODY's genitals/ Is he doing it back to them when you don't see?
Can you imagine the consequences if one of them grabs/punched /squeezes a kid's genitals at school, and offers the excuse " I do it to grandpa , he likes it".
Nothing wrong with a bit of rough and tumble at that age, kids love it, but a line has to be drawn and is not fair if you are always the one to draw it.
The thing is people often have very different views on child discipline, were you there when the stepchildren were small? If not he probably was the same back then.
Try impressing upon him how much it upsets you that he constantly portrays you as the bad guy when you are just trying to instil good behaviour in the children, try not to make it an argument but maybe sit down one evening with a glass of wine or cuppa and just talk about it. Whenever we needed to have a robust conversation we would have an object that the person talking would hold and this meant that the other person couldn’t weigh in until that person had finished what they wanted to say then they would pass the object to the other person to reply. And no throwing the object 🤣
Perhaps a good compromise would be that grandpa gets to tough and tumble at home but when outside different rules apply with regard to behaviour and noise levels.
Good luck.
Well ideally sit him down and talk to him and tell him the boys need ground rules of where they can play rough and tumble with grandad and where they can’t, the restaurant being a complete no no for games however if he wants rough and tumble in the house or garden that’s fine and a nice change for them as they obviously enjoy the quieter moments with their nan gardening cooking reading etc but they must learn the difference 5 and 6 are still very young and at that really noisy boisterous age where they need to run jump fight and learn the rules of tough play ( but in the right places)
If he can’t sit down and talk or negotiate with you I d suggest
you take them out separately for a while they will soon learn grandmas rules and grandads rules let him take the stick if things go wrong not ideal I know as you want to go as a family but temporarily it might set the ground rules and they will quickly learn the difference
Telling you off in front of the children is a complete NO NO and I hope you had a word with him over that
He’s making a rod for his own back, enjoys being Mr Popular Granddad.
Silly man.
This is a Good Cop, Bad Cop situation.
Grandad lets them get out of control because he can't seem to control himself if he joins in with them. And then, when someone decides to exercise some much needed discipline (yourself) then the flak comes your way - and Grandad gets to be the hero!
And telling you off in front of the grandchildren was a bit mean - it reinforces Grandads 'Good Guy' image: he's fattening up his ego at the expense of your self-esteem.
Whenever we look after our Grandkids (boys aged 5 and 6) my husband lets them run riot. He encourages them to make a constant din (he joins in!), lets them jump all over him, and makes no bones about them deliberately standing in his way shouting Grandad Grandad if he's watching TV or talking to somebody. The oldest one has a habit of getting overexcited and trying to punch him in the goolies and tread on his toes. If I try to quell the chaos my husband accuses me of being too snappy with them and not letting them be free to be kids.
For instance, last week we took the 5 year old out for the day and had lunch in a restaurant. The little boy got squirmy waiting for the food so I played games with him, but at one point he stood up in his chair, so I told him in a no-nonsense way to sit properly. My husband gave me a roasting - in front of the child - for being bad tempered and controlling.
Of course the children love all his attention, and if we go out always want to sit next to him, hold his hand, snuggle up to him. I feel a bit left out occasionally.
It's got to the stage where I don't look forward to our times with the boys, because the chaos and the arguments get me down and exhaust me (I have an autoimmune illness so tire more easily than most). But I do love them and on the occasions I'm alone with them, they behave perfectly - we chat and play and garden and draw and cook and paint and have a lovely time.
I feel I need to add that the children are my stepdaughters' so I'm not their actual grandmother. It doesn't matter a jot to me - I love my stepchildren and I get all the grandmotherly feelings. But there is a subtle undercurrent of me not wanting to interfere too much in the way he chooses to grandparent his own.
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