Baby blanket

A good friend of mine knitted a beautiful lacy shawl in very fine white wool for my DD. It must have taken her ages.

The first and only time I used it my DD had an allergic reaction, her cheek was marked with the pattern of the shawl in red, she started to wheeze and her eyelids swelled up. It turned out that she was allergic to wool.

I never told my friend about this and, after having thanked her initially, I avoided mentioning the shawl. In retrospect I wonder if I should have said something to explain why I didn't use it.

I still have the shawl, wrapped in tissue in a box. My friend died over 10 years ago so it is too late to say anything to her.

I love knitting and have had knit many blankets over the years. It’s sad though I do wonder now who or when I give them will they be used.

I'm waiting for my DGD to embrace the retro crochet look, Primrose.

So far they prefer sportswear!

Allira

MirandaIV

Yes, I did wonder whether they thought the holes were dangerous. It wasn’t incredibly fancy lace though certainly no fancier than the ones my children had but perhaps this is a modern thing?

Perhaps it's just this country.
A friend knitted beautiful fine lacy shawls for commissions for people in European countries until very recently when she is no longer able to knit, sadly.

My late MIL was German and when we were expecting our first child she knitted beautiful little jackets, bootees and bonnets for us. Her German SIL crocheted a wonderful blanket in red and white. It was not lacy but firm and we used it for years. I could not bring myself to dispose of it so we then took it in for use with our dog baskets over many more years. Every time I washed it I thought of her.

Making things for babies is all about getting colours, yarns and patterns right. A lot of the stuff in shops now for kids is designed to look handmade.

I made some things when my kids had kids of their own. I never saw them wear them. Never saw the baby blankets again so I stopped. Don’t ask for it back but cut your loses. It’s a mine field being a GP! I still walk on eggshells!
I knit for charity now.

In your situation I would leave well alone - don't ask for it back. I understand how disappointed you must be but dont risk any ill feeling with your DS and DIL. Your DIL has autism that may be part of the problem . We have an inlaw with autism , I know everyone is different but fixed ideas are something we notice. I suggest you err on the side of caution rather than antagonise your DIL. Why not knit your friends daughter a colourful baby blanket that is not too complicated ? I fel sure it will be appreciated.

MirandaIV

Yes, I did wonder whether they thought the holes were dangerous. It wasn’t incredibly fancy lace though certainly no fancier than the ones my children had but perhaps this is a modern thing?

Perhaps it's just this country.
A friend knitted beautiful fine lacy shawls for commissions for people in European countries until very recently when she is no longer able to knit, sadly.

Iam64

It’s a new world, very different than fifty years ago when many of us had babies.

My DIL liked handknitted cardigans etc when the DGD were young and they wore them a lot, but then decided themselves they preferred sports tops, sweatshirts etc when they were about 10 or 11.

agnurse

As an FYI, it is recommended not to have blankets or pillows in cots with babies because they can increase the risk of cot death. Being too warm can also increase the risk. This is why we recommend sleep sacks for babies. (I'm a lecturer in pediatric nursing.)

We knew we shouldn't use pillows 50+ years ago.

As for warm or cold - I still remember the Health Visitor saying "Put a warm baby in a warm bed and she'll stay warm".

But obviously with something to keep her warm.

Sleeping bags with sleeves or, before they were invented, warm all-in-ones because they never kept any bedclothes on anyway.

I remember my mother knitted some truly hideous outfits for my first baby but I made sure he wore them and she was thrilled. Babies don't care what they look like.
If they don't want to use it as a blanket it could easily be used as a floor mat for baby to lie on.
Either way I really don't think you should ask for it back.

Lathryus, that’s the thing isn’t it. Giving a gift then being upset if it isn’t used or worn. If something is given in love, we hope that’s how it will be received. Watching and checking the jumper/blanket/coffee pot or whatever is being used takes energy we could put to better use

My Mum was a beautiful knitter and I always helped her choose really modern patterns and yarn. We bought a Debbie Bliss pattern book which cost nearly £10. We bought lovely DB yarn which was soft and not itchy. She spent ages knitting a lovely little jumper and matching Beanie hat for my Sister in laws baby boy. She never put it on him and told poor Mum “we only put him in designer clothes”.

If your DIL is autistic as you say, she might “get” the direct approach and be glad to let you have it back.

Yes, different world, different tastes.

My Mil was always gifting things to us that were to her taste not ours. Clothes, bits of bargain jewellery, furnishings, stuff for the garden, even a pet😱

And then getting upset (cross) if we didn’t appreciate the gift.

It’s a new world, very different than fifty years ago when many of us had babies.

agnurse

As an FYI, it is recommended not to have blankets or pillows in cots with babies because they can increase the risk of cot death. Being too warm can also increase the risk. This is why we recommend sleep sacks for babies. (I'm a lecturer in pediatric nursing.)

I think you may be my daughter, lol! She used sleepsacks almost until they were at school!

As an FYI, it is recommended not to have blankets or pillows in cots with babies because they can increase the risk of cot death. Being too warm can also increase the risk. This is why we recommend sleep sacks for babies. (I'm a lecturer in pediatric nursing.)

I wouldn't ask for it back. You have said they are prickly and defensive and may well feel you are criticizing them for not appreciating it. Hand-knitted things are not popular among young mothers because of washing problems; every thing has to go in the machine.
My mother hand-knitted garments for friends' children and they were not appreciated, then she was offended.

My DD always put my GD in a baby sleeping bag and I think most do these days, so this is probably what your DIL does. Therefore, sadly, I think you will have to accept that your blanket hasn't been used and, as Avalon suggested, You could politely ask if they have finished with it now that baby is getting older and wonder if they would like to donate to your friend's daughter.

Thank you. This is my first grandchild so although I think I’m walking on eggshells and I did ask them if they wanted one first before I knitted it, I am learning how to keep my mouth shut. 🤐

Yes, I did wonder whether they thought the holes were dangerous. It wasn’t incredibly fancy lace though certainly no fancier than the ones my children had but perhaps this is a modern thing?

I can’t imagine asking for a gift to be returned, especially a baby blanket.

You sound critical, of your daughter in law, even about the way she dresses herself and her baby.

I knitted blankets and cardies for grandchildren, it became clear my daughters put everything in the washing machine, cardies and blankets from the big supermarkets are affordable and machine washable.

It’s a different world. Yiu gave the blanket with love, stop fretting.

Tricky .
Why not make or buy your grandchild something which is to your daughter in law's taste ?
And then ,ask for the blanket back .
I'm not that great at knitting,but far better at sewing .
I once spent every evening for over three months making a huge ragdoll and a whole wardrobe of clothes including underwear for my granddaughter .
It was a labour of love .
I've never seen it in their house .

I recall buying a very expensive blanket for my first grandchild without knowing my daughter wouldn't approve.

I have learned many painful lessons about being a GP since then.

Apparently my DD was told that babies need to be keep cool, not warm, which goes against all my instincts, and she didn't use blankets at all.

The theory is that over-heating a baby is more dangerous than not.

I didn't knit the blanket myself so I suspect she's sold it on or given it away.

I think you will just have to suck it up and learn as I did, that you have to get their permission for everything you think you might want to get your GC. That's how I manage it now.

PaynesGrey

I can understand your disappointment but wouldn’t ask for it back.

Lace work can be problematic for babies and carers. Tiny fingers get stuck in the holes. Lace blankets may look lovely when they a new and blocked but are not necessarily easy to launder and may also be considered a little old-fashioned.

As for your friend’s daughter, the key here is hand knit. Why not knit her a simpler blanket and use colour rather than lace stitches to make something contemporary?

I agree.

Lacy blankets, knitted or crocheted, are a no-no for babies.
Perhaps your DIL didn't like to tell you that she preferred not to use it.

Say nothing, either knit another one (without holes) or a couple of little garments for your friend's daughter's baby.

When I was about 12 my aunty was having a baby. I got some torquoise wool and set about knitting a blanket. I knitted in garter stitch so as plain as possible. When finished my mother edged it with a wide pink ribbon. My aunty used it on her pram and later on the push chair. I couldn’t believe how much use it had.