Help. I don't want to play with Barbie or Paw Patrol

Wow, you must’ve been exhausted after that day. I think your gc did a lot! To me, there’s no wrong or right answer. It’s fine imo for a child to play on their own and for them to be bored sometimes and no shame if you’re bored of their toys! One of my gc is an only child and is just 4. He will play on his own but equally loves ome attention. If it was me, I’d do both, not least for my own sanity! And I would sometimes say, not now as Grandma is a bit tired. I’ll watch and play with you later To me, soft play is for kids to play independently ( with me supervising if need be). You have to ask why she must have constant attention .

I recall when my children were small it took ages to get them to sleep because they insisted I read and read to them until they nodded off. Then, if they woke they wanted me to start again!

It was driving me mad until I took my knitting out. After the story ended I would tell them I wasn't going anywhere but would sit and do my knitting instead.

Soon, I didn't need to do the knitting and they would just fall asleep without all the fuss.

I think I was contributing to the problem.

I think you just need to think outside the box a little on this one, and suggest some other sorts of scenarios which allow a gradual lessening. I think your GD is expecting this because of your super gran style at the play centre. I would start here and not join in so much with the active play.

On another note my youngest GS was like this- now when I go to see him he's playing on his computer games and not bothered about playing with me!

Make the most of it while she's little, it won't last long and then you'll miss it...

I have always been a great reader throughout my life, and so any children with me get used to me having a coffee/book break. So at that time I would ask them if they wanted to choose a book that they could either read themselves or I would read to them. Part of that was to sort of put sitting down and reading quietly into the options. So I was quite prepared to play noisy games, or with things that I did not really enjoy, but it would be interfaced with the reading breaks. That way if I was asked to do something, the reply would be next play time we will, and sticking to it, however hard it could be, they soon learnt that neither begging, tantrums, or rudeness , would make me cancel the reading break. In the beginning it was cringing at times, with shouting or whining but it was worth it to both lay down the rules and then you can also use it to say, we have played with your game and now it is my time to read. The most important lesson learned is give and take, which they will need to learn throughout life I would say. Also she will be learning that not everyone behaves in the same way, and that there is no overall rule that everyone follows. Another possible thing is if you have two rooms, you could choose one to be the playing noisy or other games, but actually go into another room to sit and read, so that it also shows her simply that you are now in the reading room or whatever. The games she enjoys will no doubt change over time, but the sharing of time and give and take will still be important at whatever stage she is at. Good luck and hope she soon begins to understand that your home your rules. Staying the person you actually are is important, as even if she does not like what you do for the moment, she does learn that this is you and you can be trusted to remain the same whatever else changes.

I am an active Nanny and don't just sit there having a cup of tea I actually played on the slides and in the tunnels for 2 hours, including throwing an imaginary ball for her when she was being an imaginary dog.
Many soft play centres don't allow adults on the equipment unless the children are very small; you could just tell her you're not allowed on now thst she's a big girl.

Mind you, the noise in those places is enough to exhaust you!

I don’t remember being played with either, but my dad used to take me out and about a lot, and right from when we were quite small we were allowed to go out and play, so many children on a post war council estate, there was always some one to play with.

I understand completely, and sympathise - my own children didn’t seem to be so demanding of role play type games, but the grandchildren are different and my grandson especially demands that I actively engage/participate (which I do briefly but do not enjoy) 😑
I employ the “I will play for a while, then we will do something else” approach. As an only child myself I really don’t understand why adults are essential in this 😂

We played with our GS's all day when they were little, with toys or making things up, and they loved books. I don't understand why you find it a chore. They're not little for long. All ours want to do now is play on their phones.

IME most children like attention and benefit from it, it's the expectation that they will always be the centre of attention that has to be balanced against the needs of other people. TBH I don't think anyone needs to make a big thing out of it but always acquiescing to a child's wants doesn't do them any favours. Learning to give and take fairly can't come too soon IMO and if done preschool it gives children a head start in making friends. who wants to be friends with a child who always expects to get their own way and will throw a tantrum if thwarted? Sadly I think many parents try too hard to make up for being too busy and that's not a criticism because most parents have to work full time but I think as grand parents we do have the time to set boundaries and be patient when children have a tantrum. I'm a huge fan of the word "no" I don't think it's used enough in parenting.

I do sympathise. My granddaughter loved playing with her Barbie’s and my little pony and wanted me to play with them with her. Time went very slowly! But I am so glad I had that time playing with her. She is now too old to play with her Barbie’s and is on her phone a lot of the time. I am pleased she wanted to spend time with me and I am glad I played with her. Happy memories.

IamMaz

I am 69. I don’t ever remember being played ‘with’. I’d watch my mother baking, doing the washing etc but I amused myself with toys.

Same here. My Mum and every other Mum I knew were too busy washing clothes by hand or in a copper, hanging it out, ironing, cooking, cleaning, making beds, cleaning brass etc.

I do remember my Mum showing us ball games against the wall that she played as a child. She used to make us tents from blankets over the washing line. So basically she set games up for us then left us to it!

Oh, I liked the ponies. Probably because, being a horsey person I could think of loads of things to do with them.

But when it came to making cups of pretend tea and serving it up - well I suppose I was as bored with the pretend as I was with the real life scenario 😬

It’s just so sweet to watch them and listen to them, their imaginations are working overtime, and some of the things they come out with are hilarious.
My six year old will undoubtedly be the last until the great grandchildren arrive, and that could be any time, but I just want to enjoy every minute with her, even though I sometimes feel exhausted when she goes home

BlueBelle

Just value it as it’s a very precious time and you are privileged
It ll never return unless you’re lucky enough to have great grandkids and you’re not too old to enjoy them It lasts such a short time before you know it it ll be after school clubs and other friends houses and you ll soon be redundant and won’t have to make the sacrifice of a bit of grandaughters favourite play toys….. and then if you have any boy grandkids it ll be standing in the wind and rain and cold every Saturday watching him play football
I d give a thousand pound to be back on the football pitch cheering those little legs on and making slides from chair to chair for actionman to escape on
Now it’s peppa pig and paw patrol and dinosaurs you lucky lady

Exactly this BlueBelle. I regret the times when I said no now that DGD is nearly 14. We do other things together now though and I try my very best not to take anything for granted. They grow up so quickly.

I don't have GC but when my own children were 3 and 1 life got very much easier because they role played together.
Only children need more adult input.

Sorry are you there to entertain her? You're the adult she's 3! You set the rules. Read a book with her,watch her fave tv show, not a choice. My grandaughter is nearly 4.. I set the rules,not her and she accepts it and I love her dearky as you do but.....If her parents want to indulge her that's their choice....you don't have to. Sorry if that sounds harsh it's not meant to be but you set the rules not your grandaughter. Good luck.

Not all only children, RedRidingHood - surely they are as happy on their own as anyone else...

My "only child" granddaughter is about the same regarding independent play as her cousin who is one of three. They are less than a year apart.

One of the joys of being with a grandchild is entering their world with them and taking joy in it.

Because she senses your resistance to doing this she pushes harder and gets angry when when you refuse.

Just join her flow and enjoy it.

No matter how reluctant you are, I’m afraid it’s a case of ‘going in to her world’! She’s maybe a bit young for co-operative play, so the stage before that is parallel play, where you both role play with Barbie or Paw Patrol and cross over as and when. Of course you’ll feel silly, but you might be surprised what happens when you just ‘go with the flow’.
We may have the ideal vision of a cosy afternoon baking, followed by snuggling down reading stories, but your young playmate may have other ideas!

Luckygirl3

One of the joys of being with a grandchild is entering their world with them and taking joy in it.

Because she senses your resistance to doing this she pushes harder and gets angry when when you refuse.

Just join her flow and enjoy it.

Sorry, Luckygirl, I missed page 3! Great minds and that!

RedRidingHood

I don't have GC but when my own children were 3 and 1 life got very much easier because they role played together.
Only children need more adult input.

‘ Only children need more adult input.’

Interesting. I think it depends what you see as ‘adult input’, as again I’d say go in to their world. Our playgroup had two or three benches, some scarves and hats, and other random paraphernalia, and there was some fantastic imaginative play went on when they were set out. However, we had one lady who always joined in, having decided it was to be a bus, or a schoolroom, or a hospital, and the children were decidedly unenthusiastic!
For me it was definitely a case of being ‘child led’ is best.

Apologies for skim reading responses.
Imaginative play of the kind most three year olds love, is a key developmental stage. Doesn’t matter if we don’t like Barbie or paw patrol they really do. It’s a phase which will pass. The key thing is to follow not lead 💖

Unless you are my husband who is always "right in there", Iam.
Visiting children over the years have always said "oh, is MrSpaghetti not going to play too" and would be sad if he was out!
I almost definitely 2nd choice.

Have a large battery run clock face in front of her. If you say start at 3.00 point to the big hand and tell her that when the big hand gets to the 15 (point to the 15) (3.15) you will go and make cakes and she can help if she wants to. When cakes finished tell her that you will play with her until the
big hand is on the ....And so on. You can also tell her when she asks that you will play when big hand gets to .... (dont make it too long a wait) Get her watching the clock whilst she "gets ready to play - ie is actually playing on her own to get ready for you! This process both helps to "teach" playing alone" and gives a sense of time scales to wait plus it teaches that your wishes matter too. If you stick at it it will work. Sadly her parents are inadvertently teaching her instant gratification of her wishes ...I know she is only little but all of the above is positive whilst also showing a different way.

Goodness, following a three year old in imaginative play is indulgent. No it’s developmentally expected and needed

Luckygirl3

One of the joys of being with a grandchild is entering their world with them and taking joy in it.

Because she senses your resistance to doing this she pushes harder and gets angry when when you refuse.

Just join her flow and enjoy it.

Yes it is a privilege - if you're allowed!!
😁