Heartbreak at news daughter and family want to move to Australia

I know how you are feeling. My son, wife and children - one of each - went 6 years ago to live in Australia. The children were 2 and 4 yrs old. I was so, so sad. My DIL is Australian and had met my son on a gap year and stayed in the UK for over 12 years, 11 years longer than she meant to. However I managed my best not to convey how absolutely devastated I was but I also didn’t want my son to think I didn’t care !! I think I managed it fairly well though. Now they are settled, my son has a great job, lovely house and is very happy there, my DIL is very happy, again has a great job and both of my DGC are having a wonderful childhood and are also very happy. So I take a lot of comfort knowing all this. I speak to and see to them all frequently on What’s App and also FaceTime and feel that we are in close touch. I don’t allow myself to think too hard about them being so far away from me though as I would end up very upset. You will learn to accept it and if they are as happy as my lot, that will really help. I quite often remind myself that although I gave birth to my DS and love him so deeply, his life is his to do what he wants with……. : I do miss them all but it is best not to dwell on it. You just have to be brave and you will reap the benefits when you know they are happy and having great life, very probably better than they would of had here. You will cope better than you think.

My only child (daughter) moved with her husband to Australia fifteen years ago. They have my twin grandsons aged 13 and they have just been over for a visit now on their way home. They have a much better lifestyle than they had here, so I’m pleased for them, but it doesn’t stop me missing them. You just have to give them your blessing as I’m sure you want the best for them.

In a word: REJOICE!

I'm not sure I agree with the brave face mentality to be honest.

Better to be straight.

I think it's very selfish of them. And to test the waters is even worse! Whatever she decides stay where you are and let them travel.

As someone who did that but with no children at the time, parents in their 70s I can't contribute to how a parent would feel. You have the opportunity to go with them so why not even if not immediately. Your feelings are about missing your grandchildren, especially, you've been offered a way to maintain the relationship. Your family is thinking of their future, you should too. I came back to look after my parents, which I didn't mind at the time, but after a few years realised I'd made a mistake.

I just know you are going to brave and supportive from what you’ve said (and how you’ve said it) on here. I would be heartbroken too so from that point of view can empathise a bit. I think my son would have considered it when he was younger and if his FiL wasn’t on his own. But it’s a big decision and they haven’t made up their minds. Maybe they’ll decide against it …

We moved from UK to Australia in March to be nearer our daughter and our son and his family. Our two granddaughters, now 15 and 12, were born here so we visited whenever we could over the years. It took us 8 years to be granted visas, the waiting time for a Contributory Parent Visa is now 14 years. The application process including agents fees was about £50k. Our UK state pensions are now frozen, fortunately the exchange rate has been favourable recently! We have no regrets, we love it here. I hope all goes well for you.

Oh goodness - I think the vast majority of us would feel devastated too - I know for sure that I would, my girls both live close to me. I would certainly consider going to but that isn’t necessarily easy or straightforward. Like a lot of things in life it may be something you just have to work through - lean on your support network of friends. My husband and I have six children between us as we are second married. Three of my step children have lived abroad Italy, Canada and USA. Two are still there now. We see them fairly regularly they visit, we visit them and also speak online. We’ve all adapted even though it’s not the same as being nearby. I wish you well and truly hope things improve for you in which ever way that turns out to be x

Went through this this year and girls were 8 and 5
We miss them but FaceTime , email! It hasn’t been plain sailing for 8 year old but they are fine as you will be !

My son and family including grandchildren moved to Australia a few months ago. I held it together until the end and then got very upset when we had to say goodbye. I do have 2 other children here in the UK and we all miss them all terribly. We FaceTime which helps obviously but it just isn't the same. The long journey and cost is also problematic. I could never live there but hope they come back at some point. I know there are so many others in the same position.

Are they definitely going or just in the early stages of applying. I know of 3 families who moved out there, all 3 came back.

So sorry to know this is happening to you. My daughter and family have talked about moving to Australia and also Alabama. They haven't gone so far, but every time it comes up my heart sinks. I try to look happy and approving but it's hard.

Try to think of them, Wish them well …the worlds a smaller place now
They and your grandchildren will have a much better life out there …

Well yes I bet you are upset, however, you can speak to them over the internet zoom of whatever it is daily if you want to. You must be happy they are wanting to give their children a better life. If you can afford to visit them do so.

Denise7125 I am so sorry you are feeling devastated by this news. I would feel similarly, and I am not sure it is helpful for someone to tell you to "calm down". Australia is a long way away and obviously there are expenses involved in travelling there on a regular basis.

There is a chance they will change their minds, and some people do emigrate but decide to return for a number of reasons, one being missing family.

When they say you can also go out there, I am not sure it is that simple. Have they really looked into that carefully? I believe UK State Pension in Australia is frozen. However, if you can move there, would that be something you would consider?

If it finally comes to it, of course you will be upset but, as other gransnetters have said, you can still keep in regular touch, and either they or you can arrange visits now and then. Try and keep a brave face because it must be a hard decision for them too.

Hello,
My son moved to Sydney with his girlfriend and I was heartbroken. But we made the best of it and visited him as often as we could (Australia is such a great country to visit we had the best time). After 8 years he decided to come home and he is now happily settled back in the UK. So, don’t despair, they may come back or you might end up moving there.
Word of warning though, your UK pension will be frozen if you move to Oz - it will not rise with inflation.

Hi everyone, we have a son and two grandsons too but they live a distance from us so we don’t see as much of them. Our relationship with our son is up and down and he makes it difficult to see them when it’s a down. We see them every month and in between it’s video calls but it’s always been like that whereas it’s never been like that with our daughter/granddaughters and that’s the issue.
We dont know if a permanent move to Aus would be right or feasible for us so lots more to think about and look into but it’s not an immediate problem so we will wait and see. Finances would be a concern especially if Uk pensions don’t rise along with inflation - thanks for telling us about that.
Maybe they will go, maybe they won’t but it’s their choice and we have to wait for their decision. In the meantime, we carry on as normal and enjoy our family being together for now. Thanks to everyone for responding

When my Dad came, many, many years ago now he had to prove that he could support himself. I am an only child so that helped, they wouldn’t even have considered him otherwise. They don’t make it easy and he always lived under the threat that he would be returned if he got an incurable illness and needed nursing care. We weren’t even asked if we could be carers even though we were Australian citizens and had all our children here. In the end I had to get a friend’s help ( the friend was a federal MP ) Dad had 5 wonderful years with us before dying of a sudden heart attack in his mid 80 s.

David49

Australia still has a lot of opportunities got those with skills that they want but not everyone settles there, be happy for them and take the opportunity to visit. Maybe after a couple of years consider joining them, it’s relatively easy for family to migrate and you take your UK pension with you.

But it is worth noting that, if you do, your pension will remain at the same level as when you first start drawing it in Australia. It will not increase at all.

David49

Australia still has a lot of opportunities got those with skills that they want but not everyone settles there, be happy for them and take the opportunity to visit. Maybe after a couple of years consider joining them, it’s relatively easy for family to migrate and you take your UK pension with you.

Yes, I would think of moving there if you’re able to.
Nothing more important than family.

There are various Parent Visa options, you need to be sponsored and at least half of your children need to be Australian citizens or Permanent Residents.
And you would need a lot of money too.

keepingquiet

To go and live permanently in Australia if you are past working age would take a lot of scruting of your finances. You more or less have to prove that you could support yourself financially, forver, even with family there.

You can get visitors visas for three months at a time though I don't know if you can apply for an infinite number.

In any case, OP has said they haven't make their minds up yet so the move may never happen, or at least for some time...

You can get visitors visas for three months at a time though I don't know if you can apply for an infinite number.
Not consecutively, I'm sure, but you could apply to go for three months each year.

She's promised it would never happen.
Oh Gummie, why would you ask this of her?

Surely she's an adult now and should make her own choices without guilt!

Oh it is so sad that they are moving so far away. I'm so sorry for you and for the grand children that they are going to do this.

I feel sick at the thought that my daughter would do such a thing. She's promised it would never happen.