Heartbreak at news daughter and family want to move to Australia

Oh I’m so sorry @Denise125. I have no specific advice but I know I too would be shattered by this. If you do consider going, I would make sure they’re going to stay permanently before you uproot your life. Not everyone adapts well to life over there.

I would feel just the same in your shoes. I waved one of my granddaughters off on a 14 month travelling adventure. That was nearly 3 years ago now. She reached Australia and decided to stay. She now has a job, an apartment and a lovely life in Brisbane. It saddens me that young people feel the need to emigrate for a better life. They should be able to get a good life here but successive Governments have put paid to that.
From now until departure day you will have to continue to be a good actress and keep smiling and being supportive.
Who knows, one day, you might be Australia bound to either visit or join them permanently. I really feel for you.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope time will help me to come to terms with it, if they do decide to go of course.

Sarnia, thank you for replying and sharing your daughter’s experience. if they decide to go we will visit of course but whether we make the move or not is another matter

I really feel for you and understand your heartache.try if you can to hold it together, you can visit them and face time, know its not the same but you will still be a big part of their lives. There is a thread on here for other parents who have been through what you have and felt just how you do now. I hope you find it, if not start one of your own as there's many on Gransnet. My daughter lives minutes away yet doesn't consider me and her family either side as family, just her friends who she chose. Haven't seen her for years, its been heartbreaking but nothing can be done.

I only have one DS and family. I'd be heartbroken too. My sympathies. Was DD an only child? xx

And... they might not like it there!

My daughter was expecting her first child and buying a house around the corner from us when her husband was head hunted by an American company. That was over 9 years ago I now have American grandchildren whom I visit twice a year. It is very hard at the beginning but with modern technology you can chat everyday and see their precious faces. Being young a lot of time is spent with them pulling faces at themselves on WhatsApp, brightens my day.

My mum used to say it was like losing a leg. Her eldest child moved there in 1968 at the age of 20, newly married and with hopes for the future. A few years later, my brother joined her. It was a traumatic time for the family.
There was no inter-net, no cheap flights (people still went by boat), we didn't even have a telephone.
We did record tapes on a neighbour's machine, we sent regular air letters, photos, and there was even the occasional parcel.
When they came back the first grandchild pregnancy was announced, and they went back to Australia when he was about two years old.
My parents went out to see them all (more GCs had arrived) about ten years later- the first of many trips back and forth.
It has marked our entire family life, but I have visited four times and my sister is now 80 years old.
We are all in constant touch with the whole family and still get frequent visits from nephews, neices and their significant others. This Christmas my great-niece will be visiting with her new partner.
It is possible to keep those ties very strong, maybe even stronger, over such great distances.
It becomes a way of life and I hope it will become so for you but it takes work, and obviously money as the days of really cheap long haul flights has now gone.
Your GC will have a great life there, but there are difficulties too as everywhere.
My nephew also emigrated but came back twice.
The situation is far more fluid than you might think and maybe you'll go there and maybe they'll come back but just steer yourself for lots of wonderful adventures along the way.

Of course you are heartbroken Denise what loving parent and grandparent wouldn't be, and your D will know that this isn't going to be easy for you because despite looking forward to their new lives in Australia when the time comes, it will be hard for her too.

She will I'm sure be so thankful that you're being supportive despite being so upset that they'll be leaving so don't worry that she will see through the supportive words. You're a loving mum and grandmother; she'll know that this is upsetting for you just as it's going to be upsetting for her too .

My sister has been through this I can only say I’m thinking of you. I would be devastated too. It’s the expensive travelling to see them that would get me don’t know if I’d have the funds. So many things to consider.

We did it for a better life way back when Ted Heath was PM and it is very hard on those you leave behind. If you are able to I would look seriously at coming over but it isn’t easy, I know that. They want you to bring a lot of money with you in order to be accepted, pretty mean that way. We had a terrible time getting Dad over when Mum died but in the end we managed it . Grab it with both hands if you are able, it gets worse as you get older.

Please be brave.
I had no true understanding of the pain my mum went through when we took her only granddaughter to live in America.

She was relentlessly positive (through teary eyes) and encouraged us to grasp the amazing opportunities that this change would bring.

It was a good time for us but we did soon come back.

Then, many years later two of our adult children moved abroad, one taking her three little boys.
😱
Yes the pain is enormous but the love I held for my parents for never trying to change our minds or to hold us back, is exponentially appreciated as I age and feel the need to hold my family close.
What amazing, generous and selfless people they were.
I cannot tell you how much I love them for never making the move harder than it already was.
❤️

As a postscript. My daughter, husband and boys are back in the UK and live less than an hour away.
My son is married and lives between Asia and America. He is happy and "successful". I do get very excited when he comes to visit... it is, of course, still hard to say goodbye.

Have they been before to know if they’d like it? How do they know they will?
I lived there for a while when I was young. I found it interesting but never considered staying.
I’d feel the same as you but try to think it may never happen and, if it does, they may come back. Loads do.

Denise, try to calm down.

We had travelled the world' USA, China, Africa, India, Russia and Europe, the Middle east. had had . Fascinating and exciting places I'd longed to visit. Australia had never made it to the bucket list. It sounded boring. Too "new". No appeal at all.

DS went to spend a couple of years there as a DR. Work conditions and pay far better than NHS. Purely to see him, we went to visit for about six weeks.... and were blown away. What a fascinating, fabulous, vibrant country and culture. I can see why your family want to live and bring up kids there. I was convinced DS would never leave. In his shoes, I'd have stayed. (I was amazed when he did come back , for love of a girl that didn't last.)

You can visit. .. and who knows, you might want to stay.

I can understand exactly how you feel, I was also devastated when our eldest DS and his wife went to live in Sydney Australia. He has a global job, can work anywhere, in a profession highly in demand, so were welcomed as residents. They had a great life and we enjoyed visiting them. After a couple of years they came back to start a family.
Like you I hid my emotions and focused on the positives for them and how we’d be able to visit in the future. We went to Heathrow to see them off, at their request. Many tears were shed!
Permanently joining adult children in Australia, is quite a long process with several conditions, so if you’re thinking about it start the process as soon as you can.
Good luck with it all.

Years ago, our daughter and son-in-law holidayed in Canada. They fell in love with the laid-back lifestyle and everything that Canada had to offer, and when they came home, they told us that they had been looking into living there permanently. We were devastated, but tried hard not to show it. Some weeks later, they told us that once they had spoken to various people, the Embassy, friends who had relatives over there, etc. they decided that the disadvantages outweighed the advantages and changed their minds. Phew!
Maybe your family will do the same once the reality of emigrating hits home.

Last Tuesday this very topic was discussed in depth on Radio 2 Jeremy Vine programme (12-2). There were loads of parents in your situation. I am sure you can find it on catch up.

One woman in particular spoke very movingly of how her daughter was very alone during her school years, never really made friends etc. She went to Australia, met a lovely guy who adores her and she has absolutely blossomed. Her Mum said although she misses her, for the first time in her life she is truly happy and it is lovely to see.

I feel very sad for you it must be awful but they must feel it is the best for them! Look forward to the lovely holidays you will have!

Australia still has a lot of opportunities got those with skills that they want but not everyone settles there, be happy for them and take the opportunity to visit. Maybe after a couple of years consider joining them, it’s relatively easy for family to migrate and you take your UK pension with you.

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply. Your kind words and positive advice has helped. They haven’t made their minds up yet but wanted to be open with us about what they were considering and we appreciate that despite it being painful to hear. We will try and be upbeat about it and keep our tears till when we are alone. We want them to be happy so we will just have to suck it up and see what happens!!

There are quite a number of us on here with family in Australia.
We visited regularly until Covid hit and haven't been since although they gone been over here. They went travelling when they were young and decided to stay there.
So many people I know have family in Australia or New Zealand.

Do you have any other DC here, Denise7125?

It's tough, isn't it Denise? My family are " only" in Europe, but my GC, born there, know me mostly through WhatsApp.
Technology now means that you can see your family, admire the new kitchen, and hear them practice their Christmas songs.
Take a day at a time: they may return: you may join them, but , for now, find ways to ease your sadness.
Good luck.

Denise7125

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply. Your kind words and positive advice has helped. They haven’t made their minds up yet but wanted to be open with us about what they were considering and we appreciate that despite it being painful to hear. We will try and be upbeat about it and keep our tears till when we are alone. We want them to be happy so we will just have to suck it up and see what happens!!

The hoops to jump through are numerous and could take up to a year. The Australian immigration process will delve through your family history, require some photo and written supporting evidence.
They also can change their needed jobs list during the processing time, so for example, they might require hairdressers and then later decide they don’t.