Heartbreak at news daughter and family want to move to Australia

You do get used to it Denise 27 years ago my son and girlfriend took off to have a look round NZ I knew he’d never come back He is a NZ citizen and although I ve been over a good few times I now feel to old for that long old travel

Three years ago one grandchild took off to Australia and I geared myself up as I thought she would stay, just like her uncle did …she’s working, apartment, car etc but just this week she has told me she’s coming back next summer as she feels too far away and wants to be abe to get to us in an hour or two not a day or two Now another grandaughter is down under but she has a very good job in UK to come back to next Summer
It’s not all roses out there, I think Nana8 will agree, who knows they may be back make the most of holidays, video calls etc etc and as heart breaking as it is for you, cry in private never let them know you are upset.

Winterwhite I don’t know how old you are but my grandchildren have had so many more opportunities than I had They all have good jobs and all of them drive and have decent cars They holiday all over the world. Two own houses
I didn’t even have a telephone or TV when I was growing up !!
Never had a car and I was in my forties before I owned a house
So you must have come from a very different life to me

Thank you for replying but I feel you have missed the point of my post. I would never do or say anything to try and stop her living her own life or to make her feel guilty about it and the purpose of my post was to reach out to others who may have experienced similar circumstances for advice and support rather than talking to my daughter and risk my emotions getting the better of me. As it was though, just yesterday we had a long talk about it and our message to her and her partner was that they must do what is best for them and we will look at our options when our circs change (my 93 year old FIL is still with us and we would never leave him). We both feel better and less distressed and that in part was because of the very positive and kind responses received on this forum.

Final thought on this. I’m grateful for all the very positive responses I got from people sharing their own experiences or just offering kind words and empathy. To the 2 or 3 people who suggested I was selfish and should let her live her own life, I say this…I posted on this thread to seek advice and support during a personally difficult time. I haven’t expressed any of my feelings with my daughter because I don’t want to burden her with how I feel. If you’d read my post properly you would know that. 97 out of 100 respondents got it, unfortunately you didn’t. Judging someone you don’t know when you’ve failed to read or understand a simple post is a sad way to behave and I’d urge you to think carefully in future about the impact your words can have. Posting on this forum has helped me to get some perspective and to those kind enough to respond positively, I thank you

This is just an add on, one of my friends went to live with the family, happily, and she was not very young! Just step back and look at all options.

Oh dear I do understand how you feel now I am older BUT these are their lives..... back at the end of the '60s I moved 300 miles from my parents to train as a nurse... they never stopped me... remember to us in the 60s this was a huge change. They were able to visit, though it seemed miles away and to them quite costly. But they allowed me to pursue my dream... which today looks so simple. We now can keep in touch via internet etc, your children have to live their dreams and perhaps you can put money aside to visit once a year. My parents and I only were in contact by telephone once a week and we were only in different counties! It is only now that I understand how they must have felt, but never ever did they stop me. And for that I am so grateful..... please let them make their own decisions, find ways to be in contact...

1 agree, the OP is just a normal mother and grandmother who loves her family. God forbid that My DD and SIL would ever decide to do this but if they did I would immediately want to pack my bags and follow them but I know that would be unrealistic as Australia certainly not want a couple of old codgers like us.
Denise7125 I really feel for you and hope you will be able to find the means for lots of visits.

Surely if you have any feelings for your adult child and grandchildren, you would be heartbroken to be parted from them, especially if they are considering moving a very long way away. Although the OP herself says she is being selfish, I don't think she is because she is trying her best to hide her feelings - but she should be allowed to express them on here without people getting all holier than thou about it.

I suppose the thing is you can be glad for them and sad at the same time.

I often think that I would be almost relieved if one of my young adult GCs decided to emigrate. I see nothing for them here compared to the prospects for me at age 20.

It’s now much easier to keep in touch via WhatsApp etc and they’ll be back for visits. Be glad for them.

To be blunt, you’ve made your life choices, and they must make theirs. Do you want to store up her resentment if she changes her plans.
Don’t be selfish.

My sister's son and his family moved to Cambodia many years ago and she was very worried about losing contact. However, she goes out there every Christmas and probably spends more quality time with them than she would if they still lived in the UK. I don't know how your finances are but could you afford to visit every year? You could have an extended holiday and spend time with the grandchildren in a wonderful environment. (I have visited Australia many times and it is a great place to bring up children). There is also Face Time now!

My sister`s dd emigrated, married an Englishman, had two children and divorced. She is now packing up to return back to the uk. Keep on with your own life OP, not everything in Australia and New Zealand is rosy and they may come back after finding out for themselves

emilie

From your reaction I thought your daughter must have died.

I’m surprised that you felt it necessary to make this comment. It added nothing other than to remind me that not everyone is blessed with kindness and empathy.

Thanks again to everyone who responded. I’m working my way through my emotions and have not shared my feelings with my daughter. I want them to be happy so I’ll never put her under pressure. I completely understand their desire to have a better way of life and know she is a mother know and has to put her own family first. Thanks for all the kind comments to and advice. It has helped a lot.

I would be heartbroken too, one of my granddaughters went out there backpacking over a year ago and has a good job out there and applying for sponsorship to stay, even though we all miss her she is living her dream and we all want that for them
We keep in touch a lot with FaceTime and she tells me all about her wonderful new experiences.
Please try and be happy for them as I personally know what it’s like to be under family pressure when I was going to go when my children were little, we even sold our house but my elderly grandmother would be in tears every time it was mentioned so I gave up on the idea which I have regretted over the years.
There’s nothing in this country to hold her and I think worse it’s going to get, so let them go with your blessing and make a new healthier happier life for herself and her family.

Maybe I have misunderstood but if that comment was directed to the OP I think it is very flippant and unfeeling comment.

Argymargy has good advice, my neighbours daughter and son in law emigrated to Australia and were back within the year, if they do stay then in time you can join them if it looks permanent

From your reaction I thought your daughter must have died.

I know how you must feel when I had to bite my lip when hearing my son had found that the firm he once worked for in the uk were looking for people for their office in NZ so he jumped to the idea in 2005.
Being a daughter, as many have mentioned, there is a chance she will miss not having the help of her mum to look after her kids. It is early stages, so you never know.
When our son left for at least a month he wanted to chat with us every week. I felt it difficult at first but when hearing from others that I should let him live his own life now he has left the nest I started become less stressful and when my husband was alive we visited NZ which wouldn’t have happened if he was still in the UK. Also having WhatsApp is a wonderful invention.
If you have any other children in the UK you have them to help you until you feel more positive.
Good luck.

In many cases, I notice, the DC in Australia went out as families so, presumably, their OH is British.
Are any in touch with the OH's parents so that you could support each other through this?

Of course it's not selfish of them to want to spread their wings and look for a better life.
You will miss them of course and feel sad Denise but you have done your job and raised an independent brave child. Don't let this overwhelm you, lots of ways now to keep in touch and you can visit.

Many of us are the other side of the world from AC and DGC. Let them go with your blessing, and be glad we have the technology for weekly video calls. Not so many years ago there would only have been phone calls, not many decades ago it would have been air mail and printed photographs! Don’t have them carrying guilt at your sense of loss, they’re grasping an incredible opportunity and will hope you’ll share their excitement.

It’s very difficult. Currently our daughter and partner are in Australia. Your head can see the positive opportunities but your heart is sad.

But we give them their roots and let them grow wings. I have a daughter in this country and one in Europe mainland. They could be in Oz for the amount I see them but Whatsapp helps and I think the uk one tries but not always succeeds to phone every week. They both have demanding children husbands and work and I remember being that way too. On dark days I wish they were back in their bedrooms on either side of mine but Heigh Ho….

It's very hard to bear and you have my sympathy. My sister and her family emigrated to Australia in 1984 and have been there eversince. My parents and brother were all devastated, it was as though she'd died back in those days. No Internet, smart phones etc. Just a blue airmail letter every couple of months. Fortunately my sister has been able to visit us every 2/3 years and we have been to Australia several times. However, I still wish, after all these years, that she was just down the road and we could go for a coffee and chat once a week.