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Step grandparent

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danielle2w Thu 25-Sept-25 14:56:27

My husband has a step daughter he considers his, been in her life since 11yr old, but we only see her sporadically. Her mom passed 2 yrs ago and her ex father-in-law passed last year. She has a 7 yr old girl that we have watched maybe 2 times and that was within the last 2 yrs. I didn't want to overstep onto her mom's right to be grandma.

7 rd old has Grandparents Day at her school next week. Her step grandpa from mom's side lives 3 hrs away and grandma on dad's side just had surgery a few weeks ago. My husband and I are going to go, was approved by granddaughter lol.

All that backstory for my issue:
I would like to take the role as grandma, but I've never been, and not sure how. Doesnt help that we are all introverts lol. I have 13 yr old twins still at home. Between them and work, and helping my mom and dad (with Alzheimer's), there's not much time to do anything with anyone else. I don't want to buy her love by giving her a gift every time we see her. Step daughter is reaching out more frequently to my husband since her mom passed.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Sorry for the short novel! Thanks in advance for any help!

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flump Thu 25-Sept-25 16:24:19

You may not be linked by blood but you are by marriage. I've always treated my step children and their children as I would my own. The child needs as many adults in the family to care about her as possible.

You shouldn't feel you need to do anything, at the moment, other than go next week to support her. She has asked you and that is great. Give her a quick hug and say "thanks for asking us". If you want to do more, offer to take her to buy and ice cream or a small cake as a treat. (Check with her mum that that will be alright.)

As for all the other stuff you're dealing with; been there, done that, and it's very tiring. Just do what you can and when you can't, explain why. Hope you enjoy the school visit.

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Cabbie21 Thu 25-Sept-25 16:42:32

My grandchildren have three natural grandparents, but I have lost count of the number of step- Grandparents they have, because of various remarriages and other close family relationships. It is lovely that have have support and love from so many people who care about them. So it is equally lovely that you are involved with yours. Just do whatever comes up and enjoy.

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62Granny Thu 25-Sept-25 18:17:55

Keep bigger gifts for the usual birthday/christmas, but what did you do with your own children at that age? Visits to museum/Parks , baking if she is coming to your home, do you like any crafts? Knitting/crochet/ simple crafts/ gardening. Jigsaws . Introduce things that you enjoy its about spending time together and building those links.

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Esmay Thu 25-Sept-25 18:48:22

I think that flump has the right attitude to this situation.

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