Not excited about new grandbaby

Even some mums don’t feel full of love for their newborn. I would just let it all wash over you, accept things as they are. I’ve found that my feelings towards my grandchildren change according to age etc…I think yours will too. No reason to feel bad about it at all.

Strange .... but we are all different.

Ok....why are you not excited???

My grandson’s lovely partner is having a c-section the day after tomorrow. She has had the most wonderful scans (had no idea they were so good these days). It is a girl and she looks beautiful curled up with her little arms each side of her face.We love her to bits and are so excited. I expect you will soon love your little grandson with a passion. As someone has said you can’t just turn on love but that little love will soon tug at your heart strings.

I was quite underwhelmed when my daughter said she was having a baby. She'd been married ten years by that time and I didn't think babies were part of the plan. I was "encouraged" to go and see him the day after he was born and he was quite nice but I certainly wasn't emotional about him. Six months later I was looking after him when my daughter went back to work, and nineteen years later I'm still around for lifts and anything else that's needed - and I still don't get emotional

Everyone has their own feelings and tbats fine ....you don't have to be 'excited....I was present when my DDs 2 girls were born....I found that 'exciting'...for want of another word....when my 3rd GD was born ( youngest DS child) ....the excitement wasn't quite the same ....but still felt lovely to hold her a few hours later

I would never dream of thinking of myself as 'bad' granny. I may not do or feel the things that other new grandmothers feel, but, hey, that's me.

My DGS for several years made it clear that DH was the preferred grandparent. Probably beause he has always been the only grandfather, whereas, my companion grandmother lived close by and was seen much more, and as No 2 grandma, seen every month or so rather than every week, in DGS's eyes I was probably surplus to requirement! I knew things would change eventuaally - and they did. My sense of self is not based on how my grandchildren feel about me.

Like Daddima my grandchildren do not dominate my life, and wouldn't even if I had lived next door. I have lots of other interests I want to give time to as well.

I often feel like ‘Bad Granny’ when I hear other grandparents talk about ‘overwhelming’ love for grandchildren, or sleepless nights worrying about them, or going into a decline if the child should appear to have taken agin them or, even worse, prefer the ‘other’ grandparent!
I do love all my grandchildren, but they don’t dominate my life, and I like being able to relate to ( most of) them as adults. I’ve also never had any difficulty in letting their parents deal with any problems which may arise, both because I have every confidence in them and also because it’s not my job!

I can certainly relate to this. When my first GC was born I was expecting a rush of love - as when my own children were born. But it didn’t come. She was lovely , but holding her was like holding the baby of a stranger. I felt dreadful, I felt I was abnormal and unfeeling, and thought no one felt the same. However, over the next few months as she began to grow I fell in love with her and never looked back. Thinking about it, I think it’s nature’s way. How could we bear to be parted from our GC even for a two week holiday if the love was a mother’s love? My expectations for my other grandchildren weren’t so high, and I never even gave it a thought - I love them all dearly now and they are the light and joy of my life. Please don’t fret. Your feelings are very normal. Being a mum is different to being a grandma, and so it should be.

Franbern

I never got excited about any of my g.children. So happy for my daughters who gave birth, as all were very much planned and wanted children.
I absolutely adored each of my five children and bonded from moment of birth, and still love them all (now all in their fifties) over whelmingly,
Grandchildren, are fine, I will extend that bubble of love I give to their Mums encompass them. But, yes, they have pushed me down the pecking order with their parents!!!

Never have understood this mantra that g.children are better then your own children. Not for me is has not been. Those g.children, eight of them age range from 13 - 25 years. Proud of achievements = but must admit even those I tend to congraulate their parents for.

my sentiments exactly!

I never got excited about any of my g.children. So happy for my daughters who gave birth, as all were very much planned and wanted children.
I absolutely adored each of my five children and bonded from moment of birth, and still love them all (now all in their fifties) over whelmingly,
Grandchildren, are fine, I will extend that bubble of love I give to their Mums encompass them. But, yes, they have pushed me down the pecking order with their parents!!!

Never have understood this mantra that g.children are better then your own children. Not for me is has not been. Those g.children, eight of them age range from 13 - 25 years. Proud of achievements = but must admit even those I tend to congraulate their parents for.

We are all different, and so don’t respond to things in the same way. When my GCs were tiny I was very hands on with them but one of my SiLs has a mother who hardly ever held the babe and didn’t look excited at all, I recall my DD saying it was odd but I told her to be patient because not everybody is enamoured with newborns.
Now that this GC is three the other grandma loves spending time with him and is a joy to see.
Be patient and hopefully your DiL will be too, and try to help out in whichever way you can, in time I am sure you will find yourself getting more enthusiastic about your GC. But don’t beat yourself up about this.
All the best xx

I too think it may not be a big deal at this point?

Have you got other things going on in your life?
Is it because it is a boy?
Have you other grandkids/grandsons?

It could be several reasons really.
Only you may know what is at the bottom of it, and how much it really matters right now.

I remember asking the nurses to take her away as I'd already seen her.

You can't make yourself excited if you aren't. I would just try not to show it too much. And for goodness sake don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it. There are many worse things and it doesn't mean you are a bad person.

I never had this surge of love at first sight for either of my children when they were born. pleased to see them, loving and caring because they were small and defenceless and gradually over a week or so, this deepened into love.

We overdose on this misty eyed, love at first sight at every level. It isn't like that, in fact i am deeply suspicious over this over wheming love at any level. easy come, easy go, is my response.

Do not worry OP, you are entirely normal - it is just that people are afraid to admit it.

Lovely ( and true) post Lathyrus3😃

Well, she’s in the euphoric state that Nature provides for most after giving birth. Lovely.🙂

But you haven’t given birth and the bonding hormones aren’t raging . Some grannies get a little secondary flush and fall in love with their grandchild instantly. Usually it’s the maternal granny, some kind of animal tribe link?

Ask a man. He won’t know what you’re talking about, that instant bonding and excitement. No hormone flush for him😬

Enduring love and care is what matters. Excitement is a very transient thing and over valued in my opinion.

I think some mums and dads and grandparents find they are interested in being involved when the baby becomes more interesting as a little person. But the mother/grandmother hen bit isn't for all women,

I was talking to a friend today who had had great difficulty getting pregnant, and when it became a matter of fertility treatment or not, realised she didn't want a child at all and had just been going along as her then DH wanted to

From what you said, I am assuming the baby has already been born? How many times have you seen him? Has your daughter in law made any effort to bring him to see you?
Please don’t get in a state about this. It’s not always a given that a granny will fall in love with a grandchild straight away. A switch doesn’t suddenly click on to make you love him.
My advice would be for you to ask your daughter in law to make sure you get time with her and the baby so you can get to know him. Don’t rush to hold him if you’re not ready, just get to know how he looks and smells. Smile at him. As he goes older, he will begin to recognise you. One day, when he’s around 5 to 6 months, you will look at him, he will gaze back at you and then ……..there will be a smile. Trust me, there is nothing like that first smile when he makes it clear that he loves you. Don’t be frightened of it and there is no need to feel guilty - relax and enjoy it. It’ll all be better as he grows and you get more used to him, and him to you.
You’ll look back on this one day and wonder why you were worried!

We are all different. Women are expected to be such and such. Your DiL is projecting her own feelings onto you, ie you "should" be this or that.
You may know more how you feel when the baby is born and there aren't any "musts". I wasnt excited but I really connected when I first held my grandchild. I realised it was like my life was carrying on into the future and held Hope.