Nannying grandson infant full time, nanny cam, boundaries and advice

Maybe I should be like my German side and tell it like it is LOL!

Yes, USA. And...what to make of this. This morning...daughter said her husband was running behind because he had to feed baby. He shows up, flustered, crabby and said he hadn't changed or fed him since 5am, he didn't have time. What is going on? Trying to confuse me? Or just admit it if you slept late, had work, etc. I don't care. But two different stories are like, what??? Please don't confuse me, I can do that all by myself LOL! One says he was fed, the other said not since 5am. (PS the initials "be" in grammie stand for Brief Encounter, my favorite movie with Wendy Johnson and Trevor Howard. Family teases me of my love of British movies and TV, Irish and Scottish too. Greatest complement was when I was in Walmart and a lady thought I was British...simply because I said please and thank you LOL). I admire you so much in so many ways. (That said, maybe I am too much the stickler for manners?)

Are you in the USA, grammiebe?

Oh, yes - I have PTSD from my childhood. Can't say no, that's my own fault and then I get myself into these situations. Well, this week he is coming to my house. Happy to report that. It's a start. And not to nitpick, but we said 7:30am and I get a text that it won't be until 8:30 or 9am, he has to "feed the baby". Folks, I think alot of this is the son-in-law. "I'll agree but I'll be a piss ant about it". When I took my kids to a sitter, I had them there at a set time. Missing scheduled time was reserved for emergencies. Or am I being overly sensitive. It is just so chaotic, maybe I'm not easy-going enough, and feel free to tell me if I am. And no, this is not a con, it's my real life. My son has told me she is spoiled and entitled...and...I only have myself (and husband) to blame for that. And hard thing is, once the wee one gets here, I melt. Mostly it's the cam, and sitting on weekends. I sat yesterday for about 6 hours. I did read where "NO" is a sentence. So...I keep trying to repeat that in my brain, but I am the A-hole in my family if I say no to anything. However, it's a new week, and I'd like to stay healthy. Thanks for supporting me to push forth, slow and steady wins the race. I want this to work for everyone. THANK YOU AGAIN Sorry for the ramble.

Bea65

I can’t quite believe all what is said by the OP…might be spam post🙈. If not, speak up OP to daughter and don’t be a doormat- apologies if I’ve offended anyone 🙏

I agree

I can’t quite believe all what is said by the OP…might be spam post🙈. If not, speak up OP to daughter and don’t be a doormat- apologies if I’ve offended anyone 🙏

I wonder why both parents resumed full time work when baby was only 2 months Seems they are not spending much time with their newborn what with Christmas parties, football and gym.
* Grammiebe* I feel very sorry that you are being exploited so much. Obviously it is unsustainable and needs fixing asap. Do you really WANT to stick to your original plan of 8am to 4pm? If so, what if another baby comes along? Personally I would ignore the list of duties, all housework, laundry, weekend and evening baby sitting IF I were willing and able to do a 40 hour
( 8 - 4 x 5 days) week. What about your days out and holidays? Don't be a doormat.

As far as I know, there is little paid maternity leave in US, so mother tend to go back to work much earlier than in European countries.
So being back at work after only 2 months would not be unusual.

Is this your first grandchild? I wonder if you have done the same for other grandchildren, if there will be more in the future how can you possibly have time or energy for them too? Also when this little one is up and about you will be beyond exhausted, those are long hours and you have no time for yourself and the rest of the family! Could your other children step in and talk to your daughter and SIL? They could express concern for you if your husband won’t get involved. You need to stand up for yourself please do it now!

This scenario is so implausible, as to be questioned,
insurance paid but no expenses,
with travel a 12 hour day, for a nanny/housekeeper
in her sixties,
this is modern slavery
I don’t believe family members
are exempt from this unlawful exploitaion .
worst of all, leaving a 2 month old baby so soon

This is sheer slavery OP!
When they next ask you to babysit for a hobby or event they wish to attend tell them you need TWO months notice!
Please, find your backbone and stop being a drudge for your DD and SIL! A Nanny wouldn’t do half the jobs you’re tasked with and the rate of pay is a bloody insult!

petra

I couldn’t get past the lack of paragraphs.

Oh well that is helpful! 🙄

I think it's interesting that you say your mother used to palm you off on to other relatives when it suited her. This may have left you feeling that you just can't say no when it comes to looking after your grandson therefore your kindness is being abused. Having read your post several times I fear that you are indeed being abused by your daughter and son-in-law. You really must stand your ground and cut back on what you are doing. Can you imagine what the fallout would be if, in your exhausted state you have an accident !!! You are worth more than this, tell them in no uncertain manner how you feel.

Covering for their hobbies and leisure activities should be left to your DD and DSIL to cover for each other.

Please don’t put up with this OP.

Their lives appear not to have changed as a result of having your DGS. They have to make some adjustments?

Best of luck.

GrandmaKT

Just a little point that occurred to me. You need to be careful of setting a precedent. If you spend so much time with your first GC, your other children will expect similar for their babies when they come along. You need to make time and space for yourself.

That’s a very good point.,

I wonder about your DD grammiebe She doesn't seem to have any idea of what being a mother entails.
She was back at work after 2 months which is far too early. She misses her baby, hence the camera.

I don't believe you knew it would be so hard either.
I hope you work something out but maybe DD could give up her job for a while and learn to be a mum.

Welcome to GN.

M0nica

I am sorry, if I am upsetting the OP but this is sounding so extreme, I am beginning to wonder if it is a con.

I wonder this too.

We are rooting for you .
Please stand up for yourself.
When you work as you are doing you are putting your mental and physical health at risk.

I caused offence by telling someone just that a fortnight ago .
She's caring for her elderly sick parents and running her daughter's home 24/7.
Wishing you luck.

I'm sorry, but your daugthter and her husband are taking the P!ss, and sorry to say that you are letting them do it.

I know it will be hard but you need to sit them both down, maybe with your husband present and tell them this has to stop. If necessary make a list of what you are and not willing to do.

I can't even say they are treating you as a nanny/housekeeper, because neither of those would have put up with their nonsense. Having to give them two months notice of an appointment and they will consider it? Who the hell do they think they are?

I will always remember when my mum retired. The first thing she said to me was 'I am not working but don't expect me to be a baby sitter' I never did.

Good luck, it won't be easy but you need to shine your spine and tell them. Don't ask them, tell them what you are willing and available to do.

I found this stressful to read. You are being treated appallingly. They are treating you like a slave and not showing you once ounce of respect.

I looked after my daughter's baby 9 -5 5 days a week. I did a few bits of cleaning if something caught my eye, kept an eye on the slow cooker if she'd left it on, and sat down and put all the clean nappies back together (they were reusables that came in several pieces and were quite time consuming to assemble) As long as the flat was still standing and the baby was fine when she got home she was happy. Honestly, if they want more than that it means actually employing someone.

You are indeed welcome, Grammiebe.

Just a little point that occurred to me. You need to be careful of setting a precedent. If you spend so much time with your first GC, your other children will expect similar for their babies when they come along. You need to make time and space for yourself.

And yes, I am from USA - I stumbled across this but so glad I did. I am a British, Irish and Scottish mutt from my mom's side. I LOVE English movies, and have picked up so much of the lingo which people make fun of me for - however, I find the English culture to be so practical, and I'm so comfortable in and English setting (manners, etc). USA, gives GenXers a free pass to abuse. So entitled. And we as Americans are so entitled in general. It is embarrassing. So thanks for putting up with me and welcoming me.

IF this is actually real... the first thing I would do,would be to unplug the camera!
They either trust you with the child or they dont. If they do, then they dont need you on record. If they dont they need to get a qualified nanny for their child.
I understand you are concerned that you will 'lose' your grandchild if you rock the boat but as things stand you wont be around to have a relationship anyway.. sorry if that is brutal.
The level of disrespect is off the chart.
You are entitled to a life of your own, they should be parenting their child not passing the job to you.
Look after yourself 'cos it sounds like no-one else will.