Feel totally taken for granted

I don't know why OP isn't entitled to having a two week holiday is cheeky at all.

I didn't mean it as a swap- just for OP to change her prioroties a little.

I do occasionally make a journet to babysit my GC for special occasions usually only once or twice a year if that.

If they asked me to stay a weekend so they could go away together I might say yes but my GC are much older. They would never have done it when they were babies.

I just don't undertsand it, but maybe I'm weird...

Isummer there isn’t any reason why you should feel guilty. Apart from anything else a 20 month old really is too young to feel left out. If he were home it woukd give him quality time with parents if his sister is away.
You are right to say no about having both children on your own especially if the little boy can be hard work. If you give in now it will be assumed in future. The two week swop suggestion is rather cheeky.
You might suggest you take one child alternate years or your daughter takes annual leave and goes with you for the week.

Obviously up to you but if you read the many threads on this you will find many grandparents in your situation. If you are not entirely happy, just say sorry but no.

I think taking on that level of child care can only be agreeable, if it's something the grandparents want to do. Should there be an expectation and that is then piled on without consideration for decreasing energy levels or ailments then naturally it will cause resentment. I can remember a full day of looking after the grandchildren when they were young, similar age gap as yours, and whilst still in my late 50s/60s at the time it could be exhausting, all that scrabbling around on the floor and outdoor activities, sometimes swimming, just knackered at the end of the day! I actually looked forward to taking them to the cinema, a chance to fall asleep. Now they're older, they amuse themselves much of the time if they're with us for a day or two.

I think you need to draw a line somewhere, and that needs to be a no to having them over night given you don't feel up to it. 4 and 6 months are very young, and it's quite feasible you will be up in the night with the baby, I would sleep in the spare room with the then baby if we had to do an over nighter, it just seemed easier, although going through the night with a baby is not something you want repeat once you've raised your own children. No need to apologise, you do masses for them already and sometimes you need to prioritise your own well being. My default line was often, "I've been your age, but you have yet to reach this age, so you can't possibly understand how age affects the depletion of energy levels" Suggest the other grandparents, if they are able, step up to the plate. Although I would add it would be their prerogative to say no too, childcare should be given willingly it's a bonus and should be received graciously without guilt tripping for the occasions when the grandparents turn down a request.

I think they have a cheek- caring for grandchildren to save child care costs is one thing- but they are going away together and leaving the kids?
To me this is a big no-no.
I would get myself off for a few weeks away and see how they feel when you aren't there.
Did you go away and leave the kids with your parents?
We had a once a year babysitter on our wedding anniversary for a few hours.
If you agree to doing it then you are silly and deserve to be taken for granted. Sorry if it sounds harsh but you need to care for yourself too.

I am in a quandary and will probably upset my daughter. I have a almost 6 year old granddaughter and for the last 4 years I have taken her for a weeks caravan holiday, the first 2 years with my husband before he died,
My daughter now has a 20 month old boy, who I look after at least one day a week and is adorable but hard work.
My daughter said this year I should take both on holiday as it’s not fair to leave out grandson. I refused as it’s too much hard work for me.
She has now come back and said could I go for 2 weeks and they will swop the children over after the first week.
I will say no but feel guilty I am leaving grandson out. I almost feel as though I wish I hadn’t started this.

I think that because our adult children are now having children later in life the grandparents can often be in their late sixties or seventies, and not always in the best of health, yet from reading posts on here they are often reluctant to say no when it gets too much. I suppose I was the same before I became a carer for my husband. Is a tricky line to walk, on the one hand we want to help our adult children and spend time with our grandchildren but on the other hand we are often on our knees after looking after them.
But life is too short as we get older and if we want to be around to help our families for as long as possible our wellbeing is important. We need to practice saying ‘sorry, not this time, we’re tired/not feeling great/have made arrangements to go somewhere.’ Or face feeling exhausted and put upon most of the time.

I'm in my late 60s and look after my two grandsons two days a week. Admittedly it has got easier now they are in education but it can be very tiring on school holidays. I occasionally get asked to have them overnight and I'm happy to do so as it's never often. I am not sure I would be willing to babysit if I had them all week too. You can only do as much as you are able and willing.

We are also in our late 60s and do a fair bit of childcare for working AC.
We have a clear distinction - if it’s for work reasons and affects the family economics then we will do all we can to be able to look after children, though we usually do this just twice a week.

If it’s for a social reason then we will babysit if it’s convenient but if we already have plans then have no guilt attached to saying sorry, no can do this time.

We did find a compromise when it was a friends wedding and children weren’t invited. We all stayed in an air B and B near the venue. Parents were therefor close by and around for breakfast etc. We took chn out for the day and put them to bed. It worked well for us, so I just pass the idea on in case it helps.

Silverlining48
That's now tho with my two youngest grandsons,before that I lived very close and did babysit my older grandchildren,from school and if parents went out ,my opinion is still the same, they're not children for long ...some people never get to be grandparents

I didn’t have this problem thankfully. However, when my two daughters were small, one was around 2 and the other a newborn, I remember being so exhausted that I could only cope with the help of my wonderful parents who brought us cooked meals a couple of times a week. As the girls got older, my parents had them twice a week and fed them.
And at that time, I was in my mid twenties!
My point is, as that was difficult for a young healthy mum like I was, I have every sympathy with the OP who is tired out.
Be firm! People are all different, and if you can’t cope, say so!

I've had a long chat going myself on this site and it has been very helpful. I babysit full time. I'm 60 and can hardly do it. This generation is entitled so you kind of have to just say it straight out, and have a conversation with your daughter. I've had some uncomfortable conversations, but they have to be had or the safety of the child is at risk. I feel asleep in a chair with the baby, and baby could have slipped right out onto the floor. One kind commenter made me feel better, "nature has a way of telling us its not our time to be taking care of children anymore". If we do, we need help, and lots of it!!! Good thoughts for you.

Just say "No can do , too much darling."

Flipping2 if you don’t live near your grandchildren you are not called on a daily basis. There is a difference.

To have gc every day after school is a huge commitment which stops you being able to have a day out at all because you need to be at the school gate every day by 3 pm. When we picked up our gc after school they were overtired, naughty and difficult to manage.
Then a whole day too, enough on its own.

No doubt when the younger child gets older their expectation of care will still be there. You will be older. My advice would be to nip it in the bud now. Do the one day and free up the rest of the week for you to enjoy in whichever way you choose. Or a couple of after school days. No need to do both if you are finding it tiring.

You do exactly what you want to do. And don’t be apologetic about it. Thats my opinion anyway. I love all my family but they know that we will babysit if something occurs….otherwise, not. This is our time now. We didn’t have gap years, travel opportunities, indulgent lifestyles and we did have a long working life with little support. It’s just the way it is and whilst I realise others will disagree, it’s a personal decision. You’re entitled to make yours.

Certainly they don't need to go away, just say no this would be too much.

Wow some angry responses on here, I don't live near my grandkids now but am happy to help out whenever I can, I've had the youngest here for a week, he's 20mths and yes it's tiring but they won't be little for long and then you'll be one of those saying you don't see them as they grow up.

They're taking the piss and couldn't care less about you OP. Tell them they'll have to pay for childcare from now on. If they wanted to live a child free existence, they should've used better contraceptives. This is not your problem and they are emotionally blackmailing you.

It’s a big ask to look after a toddler and a young baby overnight . Does the baby sleep through the night ? Will the toddler play up because mums not there ?
You’re already doing a lot of childcare during the week .
I’d stick to your guns and say it’s too much. I’d have a chat with your dd and put it on the table what you can and can’t do . Plus you and your dh deserve a life .
I don’t have GC but lots of my friends do and it seems to be the normal , that gp are expected to do childcare and babysitting .
My friend has been driving up and down the uk spending time with ac and dgc during Christmas and now has to cut short a new year break because her dgc have inset days . And has a 3 hour drive to reach them .
Another friend had her ac moan big time because she wanted to book a holiday during term time , even though she gave them 6 months notice .
When my dc were born my mum made it clear that she’d help out but wasn’t doing regular childcare . She and my df had just retired and had lots of plans .

Here we go again ! More Grandparents being taken advantage of. I recognise how difficult it must be for parents who both work , but they want to go away for a night and are upset because you question this- my heart bleeds for them !!! This request would be in perfect order if you were not doing so much childcare already . If you feel this is too much then say so and do not back down. Their children , their responsibility. For goodness sake why do adult children assume it is the Grandparents job to wear themselves out and be on call so they can have a night away??? We have done our job bringing up our children. I had my GC one day each week and enjoyed that but it was enough. Stand firm , any help you are able to give is a favour to the parents not a right parents think they are entitled to !

Thank goodness that our DD has never "expected" us to help out and as a result we often have, willingly, and loved every minute. There was a longish spell one summer when she had work issues and we had the two of them brought to our touring caravan (parked in a field!) for breakast before taking them of to a playgroup or the library and other things, which we did 3 days a week. We were pretty exhausted but it wasn't for long. They're now young teens so don't need us so much, but our younger DD is finally pregnant after IVF at age 43 and I'm hoping we can take said caravan the 180 miles to Bristol a few times a year to help out at least a little. It won't be easy cos DH is fairly disabled and is hard work himself, but I'd like to give it a try!while I can.

Neither DD would EVER over-stretch us or treat us with contempt if we couldn't manage it. Fortunately they both have good and respectful DHs which makes a difference.

DH and I are both in our seventies. We look after our granddaughter once a week for 3 hours after school. It's full on. DH does the cooking and I do the activities. We both love her to bits but even the little we do is very tiring.

You need stand your ground and say that this will be beyond you.

You don't want to be dealing with children waking up during the night asking for water, and stopping you from getting a decent night's sleep.

The other alternative is that they don't go to wherever it is they were going.

We had this problem with childcare before my husband became disabled then we just couldn’t do it anymore because I have become a full time cater to him. For several years we had to put our plans on the back burner in order to help with the grand children, and now we won’t we able to take those plans off the back burner because my husband isn’t well enough.
Don’t be like us, live your lives to the full because as we get older we never know what is round the corner, suggest looking after the grandchildren in a more flexible way that gives you the freedom you deserve.
We all did this once when we were younger and more able. Now it is our grown children’s turn, not time for us to do ‘childcare - the sequel’.
You might upset your daughter but she’ll get over it.

OP, you need to remind this ungrateful pair they are lucky they get childcare.
These adult children are disrespectful, and they respect the other grandparents more, probably because they have said no and meant it, and I agree with them.
If you are being ignored and they can't be civil. I would stop all childcare, leave them too it and let them see how much money and time you save them.
These adult children are taking the P... Stop letting them do this.
My advice, stop the childcare and start to enjoy your retirement.
My daughter would never be so entitled.

Perhaps the problem is you look after one child daily which is very restrictive if you only did one day a week you would not find the overnight a problem. I am happy to help with childcare but I only do school pick up one day a week my daughters childminder does it the other four days. So the odd overnight is never a problem.
Always happy to help in emergencies but my DH have a life and it's our time to enjoy retirement. My daughter has never ever considered we do more.