Deep rift with my DD over grandchildren s behaviour

I always find it quite funny when a poster gives you permission not to post. Like it's up to them.

Notjustaprettyface

Well it seems nobody has understood my plea for help
Never mind
I will not apologise to a 5 year old who doesn’t accept authority
She has been badly brought up and that’s the end of that
I fear my Dd will regret her soft parent approach in years to come
Children should be obedient
So I won’t thank u for your help
Once more , this forum disappoints

I totally agree with you, we are all seeing the outcome of ‘gentle’ parenting.

Yes my family is navy. My dad was no nonsense but he never called us brats or horrible. Or even shits! He'd have gone mad if anyone else did but he'd also have told us off for bad behaviour.

Notjustaprettyface

I accept that but sheets defiant , rude and nasty
I was tired , it was 10pm + and I dont regret saying it , I think children nowadays need to hear some home truths
As long as there’s no physical violence, it can’t do them harm but if u feel u can’t help , that’s fine , u dont need to reply
Thank u

Absolutely correct.

Allira

RosiesMawagain

theworriedwell

Sago

Is it just me?………calling any child a brat makes me shudder.

Vile isn't it.

You were clearly neither of you “army brats ” 🤣🤣

Some can be little sh*ts sometimes.

Or Navy brats!!
😁

RosiesMawagain

theworriedwell

Sago

Is it just me?………calling any child a brat makes me shudder.

Vile isn't it.

You were clearly neither of you “army brats ” 🤣🤣

Some can be little sh*ts sometimes.

To me there is a difference, army brats is a saying often in fun and not a personal attack. I've got eight GC, I've had difficult times doing childcare but if never call the brats because I love them.

theworriedwell

Sago

Is it just me?………calling any child a brat makes me shudder.

Vile isn't it.

You were clearly neither of you “army brats ” 🤣🤣

Cressida

Gentle parenting shouldn't lead to children calling the shots but it seems that in many cases that's what the parents allow to happen.

From what has been said about this particular situation I imagine that instead of creating an enjoyable bedtime routine at an age appropriate time the parent has allowed the child to decide when to go to bed thus creating a battlefield for NJAPF

How can anyone expect a child to behave if no-one has taught them what good behaviour is.

I think people confuse gentle parenting with permissive parenting. I like the first but not the second.

Netherbyg84

I'm so sorry you had such an unkind response from people on this forum;
we can all snap under pressure and what you said to the 5 year old is not going to affect her as much as some imply, especially as the mother has no doubt given her endless reassurances that she is not a horrible child.

Well it bothered her enough to tell her mother about it the next day. Yes we can all snap but we are adults and should admit it and discuss the issue like adults. If OP can't cope with babysitting she needs to be grown up and admit it.

Sago

Is it just me?………calling any child a brat makes me shudder.

Vile isn't it.

Esmay

Parenting has changed enormously and parents are aware that unkind comments said to children are not the way forward.

Our generation had Grandparents with Victorian /Edwardian standards and I think that many of us were brought up very strictly as a result.

Looking back,my parents were negligent but I realise that they had their own issues.

I was very grateful to my Grandmother for bringing me up.
It caused tensions and jealousy on the part of my Mother.
I did what Grandma told me to .
There was no question of being rude or disobedient.

You are tired at 10.00 pm at night and I don't know what your daughter's situation is. The last thing that she wants to hear is her daughter complaining about you.

Try to smooth things over and make another date - life is too short.

My grandparents were loving and kind and never said anything nasty to us. Not all grandparents were the same back then. I always think one day I won't be here and I hope my Grandchildren remember me with as much love as I have for mine.

It’s not often I read every answer on GN. My Dds parenting methods are both extreme, DD 1 will not tolerate any form of bad behaviour, she used the 123 time out method when they were young, now she asks once politely then turns into a sergeant major and shouts so loudly my ear drums feel like they are bursting… lol DD2 is the extreme opposite her children rule… I’ve learnt to go along with it and follow their rules. However I’m a great believer in I’m not the GGCs parent and bribery works best for me. By that, I mean Gd age 9 can stay in the bath with loads of bubbles while I lay on the bed and read ‘how the world works’ to the 6 year old (his mum amd dad will not read this with him because they find it boring!!!lol he goes to sleep pretty quick. Then help the 9 year old get dry and dressed and lay on her bed with her while she reads to me.. it’s not worth rushing them or trying to make them conform to your standards. I have had heated discussions with both my Dads but I can’t go to sleep if we haven’t made up. I’m happy to apologise even if it wasn’t my fault.

Honestly it is a fuss about nothing. This kid will not remember this.
Also what was said in tiredness and frustration was true at the time. I was hoping the OP would come back and not be put off by a load judgemental Grans. Its a shame she won't, but I don't blame her, some of your replies have been over the top. Most children are resilient.

rafichagran

Oh for goodness sake she called the child a horrid girl, she did not swear, she did not hit her. This child has probably forgotten about it now. I bet she could not wait to tell her Mum.

This is not s failure on the Grans part, she was tired, and this child was playing up. It happened. I would say to the Gran to stop thinking about it, and for some posters to stop making a mountain out of a molehill. In the scheme of things it dies not matter. Think of kids who are starved, beaten, and not fed. Not a Grsn who was trying her best with a 5 year old who I think is spoilt.

Not swearing or hitting the child is a very low bar!

Oh for goodness sake she called the child a horrid girl, she did not swear, she did not hit her. This child has probably forgotten about it now. I bet she could not wait to tell her Mum.

This is not s failure on the Grans part, she was tired, and this child was playing up. It happened. I would say to the Gran to stop thinking about it, and for some posters to stop making a mountain out of a molehill. In the scheme of things it dies not matter. Think of kids who are starved, beaten, and not fed. Not a Grsn who was trying her best with a 5 year old who I think is spoilt.

Why was a 5 year old still up at 10pm?
Surely if she had been taken to her bed at a sensible time she wouldn,t have been overtired and fractious,Iwould have thoughtgranny would have understood that.
Don’t blame the child for your failure

Apologies required all round I agree Delila.

No doubt the children were overtired and wound up just as the OP was and, just like her, beyond their ability to behave reasonably. It happens. It was gone 10 o’clock at night and the children are very young. Tolerance and manners on both sides had gone out of the window.

Apologies required all round.

You sound very angry, whikst children do play up your words could stick with the child for life. I'm glad you're not looking after mine

I keep coming back to the fact that the youngest is the favoured grandchild, and I have to wonder if the other two were favoured at that age before they got opinions of their own as well. Will the current youngest be resigned to also being a horrid child when they are a little older?
I have often noticed in life that some people only like children who don’t have options.

It feels very dangerous to me

Basgetti

Steppi

It's seriously a case of gransnet hijacking.
Just remember anyone can sign up.
We have no way of knowing if there is anything genuine about other people at all.
So many people ready to throw their opinions at others they don't know.
Quite honestly I'm not that impressed with gransnet.
There may be some genuine people but I think there maybe some who want to pump themselves up with condemnation .
Maybe those people aren't even grandparents.

I’m a granny to a lovely 5 year old. On occasion, his behaviour has not been ideal. I have/would never tell him he is horrible. My mother said some awful things to me when I was a small child, struggling to understand life after an abusive father, and her words have never left me. Over 5 decades on, I remember them all. Insulting a tired child and resorting to the sherry is poor grandparenting.

Exactly this, my narcissistic mother said awful things to me they still hurt.

As a mother and grandmother I knew I had to break the cycle.

Yes boundaries and discipline are importantly but so are love and kindness.

Our one golden rule was no empty threats, if I said “anymore nonsense and we go home then go home we did”

Hi. I understand how you must have felt. My granddaughter is a lovely little girl usually but constantly misbehaves with me which she doesn’t do with her parents. Her dad and I have discussed this.
It’s hard to hold my tongue sometimes, especially if I’m tired, however I tell her that her behaviour is horrid (not that she’s horrible as that can stick in her mind for years to come)
Could you tell your daughter you’d like to apologise to your GD for calling her that name but explain her behaviour was unacceptable
Good luck

Gentle parenting shouldn't lead to children calling the shots but it seems that in many cases that's what the parents allow to happen.

From what has been said about this particular situation I imagine that instead of creating an enjoyable bedtime routine at an age appropriate time the parent has allowed the child to decide when to go to bed thus creating a battlefield for NJAPF

How can anyone expect a child to behave if no-one has taught them what good behaviour is.

Granmarderby10

Oh please. The five year old was just being naughty. Gran was just being tired. It is what all kids and grans do at some time or another.

My thoughts are (to mum of the kids) send us a message-if you become a grandparent in the future(maybe time travel will be a thing by then) to let us know how it’s all going!
Entitled or what.
Ps. I’d have texted Mum whilest the behaviour was happening. I have done this. And told the kids.
PPs as long as the kids stay in the bedroom( toilet and drinks accepted) just leave them to it they won’t suffer from lack of sleep.
It was mean to call off the cinema trip imo.

No, not all.