Deep rift with my DD over grandchildren s behaviour

I don't think calling a child a name is a very adult thing to do.

I accept that but sheets defiant , rude and nasty
I was tired , it was 10pm + and I dont regret saying it , I think children nowadays need to hear some home truths
As long as there’s no physical violence, it can’t do them harm but if u feel u can’t help , that’s fine , u dont need to reply
Thank u

This has to be a wind up.

As long as there’s no physical violence, it can’t do them harm but if u feel u can’t help , that’s fine ,you dont need to reply

Well even that post shows a rather sharp, rude retort
Your behaviour sounds really quite out of order, she’s only a little 5 year old, and you obviously can’t cope and to tell a child she is horrible really isn’t on, I m not surprised the mother is not rushing to be with you today
Obviously you can’t cope with three children sleeping over. So be honest and tell your daughter you can’t manage them all late and night and have them singly for sleep overs

And
I think the rift with your daughter is not over your grandaughters behaviour but over the way you handled it and your behaviour
I wouldn’t let my child sleep over with someone who told them they were horrid

I was frequently told how horrible I was by my wicked mother.

I am 62 and it still hurts.

It seems you are not sorry and you are now trying to blame your daughter.

I would be desperate to apologise and make everything right.

Just say no next time

No it isn’t a wind up
Please don’t be insulting

Hello Bluebelle
Thank you for your judging comment
Have you ever had to deal with a 5 year old who defies u , who has no respect for authority ?
If you have , then I will accept your comments
Otherwise….

And by the way Bluebelle they were not having a sleepover at my house
U totally misread the post

So was I sago and I got over it
Like she will …
It’s not the end of the world

Perhaps your child shouldn t be horrid

Don't confuse the horrible behavior with the beautiful child. There are non-abusive, loving methods to coerce a child into compliance that do not involve the gran acting like a cranky child.

Notjustaprettyface

I think you have a lot on your plate, you mention in previous posts your husband who is in a home and there are a lot of threads about you GC and the care you are giving.

You came across as being very stressed.

Perhaps you shouldn’t be offering so much of your time.

Notjustaprettyface

So was I sago and I got over it
Like she will …
It’s not the end of the world

Ah!

I have just read back and seen this post.

I have no words.

Get some counselling before you look after children again.

Seems like the only way to get through this deep rift (or to stop it from.getting worse) is to apologise to your DD and take responsibility for what you said. It sounds as though you dont regret what you said. Yes -you were tired, you are only human, it isnt the end of the world. But it is on you to make things right, if that is what you want to do. It's your choice. My advice, deal with this sooner than later, own it and ask both DD and GD to accept your sincere apology. X

There is a difference between a child being horrible, and acting horribly.

When you get the chance, I would apologize to both the child and your daughter, but with a firm talk to both about behaviour.

I have had a few instances of grandchildren acting horribly, but I never insulted them personally.

Your DD is of course horrified with your behaviour.

You are the adult, your gd is a 5 year old child.

If you cannot handle babysitting, say no

It sounds like babysitting has become far too much for you and it's best that you step away.

You claim that your dd is not the adult yet you were the one that ended up losing control and making nasty comments to a 5 year old.

There is a world of difference between calling out a child’s horrible behaviour, and calling a child a horrible person.

I don’t blame your daughter tbh. Your behaviour towards your granddaughter was pretty horrible. Your granddaughter won’t forget that.

Notjustaprettyface

So was I sago and I got over it
Like she will …
It’s not the end of the world

So was I sago and I got over it

Obviously you didn't get over it because you are repeating learned behaviour.

You are the adult here, children can be difficult and their behaviour can be challenging but telling a five year old that she is a horrible little girl is not the best way to deal with it.

Your daughter was very wrong just not turning up without an explanation after you had done her a favour by babysitting the night before.
However, your tolerance of the child’s behaviour is very low. Are you seeing too much of the family? Planning to see your daughter immediately after babysitting seems to me a bit like overkill. Are you living too much in each other’s pockets? I would leave her to get on with her life and you get on with yours with much less contact. The present situation clearly does not work.

Well it seems nobody has understood my plea for help
Never mind
I will not apologise to a 5 year old who doesn’t accept authority
She has been badly brought up and that’s the end of that
I fear my Dd will regret her soft parent approach in years to come
Children should be obedient
So I won’t thank u for your help
Once more , this forum disappoints