Supporting one grandchild financially?

So the older GC didn't go to uni? I'd help him as much as you want and can afford to. They can hardly expect to have money for university if they don't go to university. In the future there might be something they need help with that is specific to them and you can decide if you want to help like with the one saving to get a property at the appropriate time.

DollyD

With my Dc and Dgc I have over the years helped money wise the one who is in need at the time.
There was never any need to advertise this to anyone and things seem to have balanced out over the years.
I would go ahead and help the boy.

Well put.

If I say I have had very little connection with the older two over the years ( they are now in their twenties) does that make a difference? They never contact me, so I only see them when I visit my son, their Dad and my DiL. It is not my place to approve or disapprove of the way they live their lives, but we have almost nothing in common.
Their other grandparents have no other grandchildren.

We are very open about almsot everything in our family. We have helped both children at various times and aim to keep things fairly even, bu respond to the occasion as it arise.

Broadly, it seems to be DS usually gets a larger sum to meet needs for a new car etc but less frequently than DD who lives nearby and who, as she is single and childless, generally comes on holiday with us and helps when needed. When we have weekends away she comes and does the driving and we pay for all the commodation.

friendlygingercat, what a terrible thing for your parents to do. Our DD first expressed doubts about wanting children when she was 4. By the time she was 20 she was clear that she wanted to stay single and not have children and we have never tried to persuade her to change. She is now in her mid-50s and has never expressed any regrets about her decision.

On the other hand she adores her niece and nephew and has told us that if we gave money to them she would be entirely happy and not feel she needed to be compnsated for any 'loss' this might cause her.

We are talking to our Ds and DDiL about our contribtion when DGD goes to university next year, and depending where she goes, may offer to pay her rent. We should be able to pay it from income so it should not have any Inheritance tax problems.

It would be wrong to favour one - the others would all resent it and him! The parents of the unfavored cousins would also resent it. You would be throwing a grenade into your family. Make them all the same, even if it means giving them all a trivial amount or nothing at all.

NemosMum - agree

I have 6 grandchildren three not in work. One is disabled one is at Uni one still at college. I will help on occasion with small amounts of money for food or fares. The older three are all at work and earn a lot more than my Pension. However I so give them £1000 for their 21st and for Weddings or first house or new babies. They are all aware that when the moneys gone its gone. They all know about each others gifts 90% of the time. I don't believe that my small gifts to the three not working cause any problems. When my husband was alive he gave them all £30 for Christmas and I still do that even though the three oldest have more disposable income than I do. I have given or loaned my 1 of my 3 daughters substanial amounts of money for business or housing needs and the 3rd daughter knows where to come for her share if needed.

If you intend to leave money in your will to each of your grandchildren, then you could give the one hoping to go to university finacial help now, adding a codicil to your will stating that this money is to be deducted from his inheritance from you.

Otherwise the only fair way would be to lend him the money on the proviso that it is to be paid back by a certain time after he qualifies. But you should really only do this, if you can afford to lend the other grandchildren similar amounts, if or when they might need them.

And if the money is not paid back then the young man's inheritance has the amount deducted.

If it was me (my gc are younger) I would do what we’ve done with our sons as they’ve grown up, given support as and when it seemed appropriate (rather than just a regular payment or a lump sum). So they’ve each received some financial help as and when it seemed most needed. Perhaps you could transfer for example, something into his bank account at the start of his year to help him….and then on and off as his course proceeds. If you’re in touch with him, maybe some money to buy some course materials or books….a little more on his birthday…..pay for a computer/device….new phone….rail card…..different things as he needs them. Would he need bedding…maybe a store gift card. I’m not suggesting you overwhelm him but I think there are subtle ways to help him during his uni years as and when he’d most need it and without it being so obvious to others in the family.

family talk even if they do not meet regularly, they also like to boast about something like this. I would never give one and not the others. Years ago my late brother borrowed £400 from my parents, he sadly died without repaying it, so my parents soon after presented me with an envelope with the equal amount of money. I had no idea he had borrowed £400 as I live in a different country and had little contact with my late brother.

If you have plans to give the others something in the future, I think it is fine to help out, I would go for a set monthly amount make it condition that the DGC & his parents don't boast/ mention it to other members of the family to upset the apple cart. You can say that you have plans for the others in the future. Wish him well for his future and remind him to work hard and be can help you out when you get old.😍

Our oldest grandchild is at university and we give her £100 a month, hardly a fortune these days, but she is grateful as it helps with her food bills. The other three have no desire to go to university and are still at school or college. They’re not remotely bothered by this, I don’t think it’s even crossed their minds, and hopefully it won’t!

It's your money you do what you need to. One might need help now others later. We are not obliged to help put in any case, we do it because we want to. I helped my daughter get on the property ladder my sons gave their blessing they didn't demand the same amoun, they both have property. I think if you help one and can't help the others ( who don't get in touch) so be it, I wouldn't feel guilty. If they kick off they are just behaving entitled when they are not entitled to any money

Support your university grandson and tell the others you will do the same for them if they too decide to enter university. That way the gift is for university education and available to all who strive for it. One might rethink their pathway but they may be happy enough to continue in employment. Good luck to your grandchild.

If one needed help financially I always gave equivalent to the others. Only last week on rare meet up with GD in city I paid £90 for clothing she liked. I sent bank transfer to GS for same amount. Perhaps you could discuss situation with other GC explaining what you would like to do and why to get their feelings on whether or not they would feel as if missing out.

I don't see it as favouritism, I will fund my grandson thorough his university this year and the coming years. I see it as pragmatic to the situation as is now. The other grandson is planning on going to live in Canada sometime in the future, so it is likely that I will fund some of that adventure, but he doesn't need any help now like the other one does. Indeed who needs to know its between you and your grandchild.

friendlygingercat. I find that appalling. My elder daughter has two children, but the younger one has decided, luckily the same as her partner, that she doesn't want children, but there is no way that I would favour the one with children over my younger daughter. Whenever I've helped one out, I always give the other one the same money. Not that I've ever given them a fortune. I only have the money that I have due to what I inherited from my mum, and she didn't have a fortune, just the proceeds from the sale of her property and some savings. divided between me and my brother and sister.

As others have suggested, I would give the student grandson a small amount by standing order each month, say £100. I wouldn’t mention it to anyone else. However, I would stash away the same amount each month to keep to give to the other grandchildren at a later date when you feel they need it, maybe to pay for driving lessons or similar.

Only one grandchild who isnot of an age for much financial support. However have 2 daughters, one of whom has needed a lot of financial input due to her as*h*l of an ex. The other has always been much more independent and has always repaid any help we've given. Never any resentment between them but now she's in a position that we can help her financially so her time has come. If you want to help, and can, go ahead and tell the others that their turn will come when they really need it.

Has you GC looked into what student finance they would be entitled to?

Interesting to read the different perspectives.
The older two from the other family are working. I didn’t help them through uni or its equivalent as they were living at home. They get loads of support from their other grandparents who have no other grandchildren.

If I decide to support the youngest. the others will not find out.

Cabbie21

Interesting to read the different perspectives.
The older two from the other family are working. I didn’t help them through uni or its equivalent as they were living at home. They get loads of support from their other grandparents who have no other grandchildren.

If I decide to support the youngest. the others will not find out.

May be best not comparing what any other grandparent gives?

Nothing stays secret, in my experience.

There is a system somewhere which means you can pay the fees direct If you can afford it. They will probably keep on going up though.

Other regular payments can be allowed by HMRC if they come out of income, not savings.

I give my 5 GC the same every month. Not a lot but it means they can have a break with it. 2 buy their football season tickets and the resulting travel. One goes on the train to see his girlfriend. One is saving up for something or other. The last one is doing A levels and is saving up for a big keyboard!

In total agreement with Dolly D. I supported eldest grandchild with accommodation fees. The next two did not need any support the last grandchild needed my support so I have just paid as and when.
There is absolutely no need to make it a topic of conversation but I am prepared to help all my grandchildren if asked.

I help whoever needs it. You could always help him and then take it out of any inheritance