Supporting one grandchild financially?

In my opinion it would be wrong to discriminate and display favouritism in this way, likely to create a lot of resentment in the wider family.

With my Dc and Dgc I have over the years helped money wise the one who is in need at the time.
There was never any need to advertise this to anyone and things seem to have balanced out over the years.
I would go ahead and help the boy.

Don’t discriminate between the DGC……..it will come back and bite you eventually. By all means, help the one going to university but equally give to the others, this will obviously reduced the sum for the one in FE but make it clear to them all ‘this is for your future’ thus encouraging them to save, invest but not blow the cash on crap.

Don’t listen to all this “it will come back to bite you” etc.
It’s your money and you can do what you want with it, unless all your family are privy to your bank accounts how would they know.
Just because you can’t afford to give similar amounts to the other Gc at this point, don’t let it stop you helping the one in need, you can make it up to the others in the future.

In my opinion experience university students tend to spend whatever amount of money is available 😬

Are you thinking of paying his fees or accommodation? Something definite or just giving him spending money?

Fees might not cause resentment. Him being able to have a good time when the others can’t afford to do that probably would.

In either case I’d be open about and make sure I could help the others at a future date to the same extent.

I have helped my Grandchildren at dofferent times in their lives some small and a few bigger amounts. I don't tell anyone about this but if they don't mind siblings/ cousins/ parents knowing thats their choice.

Thanks for replies so far. Food for thought.

I didn’t say I couldn’t afford to help his cousins now. One is saving up to get on the property ladder and I might chip in later at the right time. The other is irresponsible in so many ways that I would not hand him any cash without being sure how it was going to be used. Yes, I am being judgmental, with good cause in this case. The other grandparents have already helped the saver, but have given money to the parents to hold for the irresponsible one.
However, there is no need for them to know as the cousins are not in direct contact any more.

I will wait until September to decide how to proceed, if the youngest gets a place.

I have always tried to treat both my children and now my GC the same.

It must be much easier if you only have one.

So no, I wouldn’t give to the uni one unless I could do the same for all, money wise.

It’s all right saying you can do it for others later, no one knows what might happen before you get the opportunity.

Yes do it, you could give £250 pm under the tax/inheritance radar. Just keep quiet about it and no-one will ever know. You do it by standing order. It would buy his food for the month

I do keep cash gifts even wrt my dgc but they might only even out over the years, I keep a private record of cash gifts and give when I see a need. A steady standing order will not overwhelm your dgs

My parents decided to leave 3/4 of the etate to my sister because she had "given" them grandchildren and I had elected to be childfree. There was a time when I returned to education as a mature student and could have used a bit of financial support. However I never asked them and it was never offered. It is a source of pride to me that I initially supported myself and funded myself when I began an mA. (Although I later won a studentship from the Uni) I distanced myself from my parents as a direct result of their favoritism so yes it did come back to bite them in the bum.

friendlygingercat

My parents decided to leave 3/4 of the etate to my sister because she had "given" them grandchildren and I had elected to be childfree. There was a time when I returned to education as a mature student and could have used a bit of financial support. However I never asked them and it was never offered. It is a source of pride to me that I initially supported myself and funded myself when I began an mA. (Although I later won a studentship from the Uni) I distanced myself from my parents as a direct result of their favoritism so yes it did come back to bite them in the bum.

It seems to me that some people are very open with their families regarding their financial affairs.
My family have no idea how much money I have, or how much and on what I spend it.
They have not seen my Will.
Also, I have no idea how much my Dc earn nor care what they spend it on.

DollyD

With my Dc and Dgc I have over the years helped money wise the one who is in need at the time.
There was never any need to advertise this to anyone and things seem to have balanced out over the years.
I would go ahead and help the boy.

I agree, and the money can be put in the parents bank account to help him throughout his Uni years.

We treat our children and grandchildren equally.

Our very young great grandchildren receive funds they cannot withdraw until they are 18. Money is growing, perhaps a deposit in future.

I think it depends on the circumstances. Did the older Grandchildren go to Uni and you did not help them, or did they go straight to work.
It could also be seen you favour the youngest because he went to uni. I agree you don't need to tell the other adult children and Grandchildren, but things have a habit of coming out, only takes one slip up. This could cause resentment.
I feel for you as this is hard, but on balance I would not do it.

I give the 6 GC pocket money every month. It’s by S/O
I give the AC fairly large amounts every year. The GC will get it anyway. I want to bring the capital down, so AC wont have to pay IHT.
I now just have my house and a small amount of savings

friendlyginfercat, I find that appalling!!
Not surprised you distance yourself.
Cabbie, please think very carefully before you favour one GC . If you help financially it will never remain a secret!
For me it would be a definate no no. I would never do that- be very careful.

Favouritism is a terrible idea

Hithere

Favouritism is a terrible idea

I agree. I'd never give one grandchild more than another - even if it is being done 'on the sly'.

Hithere

Favouritism is a terrible idea

Agreed. No reason to favour.

one of mine left uni 3 years ago we sent £40 a week which covered food and obviously paid for travel to home

I wouldn't be too generous as they just spend it all on take aways and booze

Not favouritism, but we have helped our eldest granddaughter with her living costs for her degree and the cost of her MRES. She has dual citizenship and although the family live in Spain she wanted to do her degree in our local university town in England. Second granddaughter is at university in Spain and gets help with fees/living costs from government and lives at home. One DGS in Spain has not reached that age yet. Other two DGC and DD live with us and get loads spent on them so I think that balances out. We shall try and help the others as and when needed but our savings are sorely diminished.

Just giving to one person is just not acceptable. It's got to be an equivalent sum to each person or nothing to every person. As everyone has said, favouritism will certainly end up by creating problems and causing conflict and you will be the person who will get the backlash.

I couldn’t do this and am struggling to understand why you wouldn’t give the same amount to the GC tying to get on the property ladder instead of waiting until later to chip in, which doesn’t sound like the same kind of financial arrangement. And the GC who is irresponsible could have the same amount given to the parents to decide when the time is right for this particular GC.
It does smack of favouritism and will cause ill feeling if others find out and most family members do find out sooner or later.

appletree21

Just giving to one person is just not acceptable. It's got to be an equivalent sum to each person or nothing to every person. As everyone has said, favouritism will certainly end up by creating problems and causing conflict and you will be the person who will get the backlash.

Totally agree with this. It will cause upset and resentment. Even if you decide to keep it quiet, secrets will out eventually.