MIL will not stop nagging us to babysit!

She obviously has low emotional intelligence and perhaps you could just spell it out to her as you have done here (eg “when I am nagged like this I feel threatened”, “we are a busy family and need our downtime together”, etc.). She really shouldn’t be demanding in front of your daughter and you can very firmly ask her to not do that as it is unfair and confusing. Rinse & repeat until she gets the message. At the same time it is worth thinking how you could arrange more times for them to be together.

Offering once or twice would suffice but the constant nagging would get on my nerves too OP. Also, cajoling a five year old isn’t acceptable……..I am a grandparent and would never conduct myself in the same way as Succullents MIL.

Be firm OP, tell MIL at the start of a visit to wind in the requests to babysit, that you and DH will ask when the need arises and make sure that DH backs you up on this - she’s HIS mother after all.

And BlueBelle, what’s wrong with asking for help on GN? Personally, I think she’s asking the best audience.

Just different expectations.... my GDs sleep over every week .....we have no dramas

I think you re on the wrong site ask on mumsnet ?

I also do want them to have time together occasionally. The problem is there seems to be some sort of entitlement here and it seems like the more my MIL is involved the worse the nagging/ entitlement gets.

I guess I feel so nagged it makes me feel irritated and threatened and makes me want to retreat. It also doesn’t seem like very emotionally healthy behavior which makes me protective of my daughter. Especially when she does the loud “ask your MOMMY when you can come stay with grandma” five times right in front of me to my poor five year old daughter putting her in the middle. It seems so pushy and manipulative that it etches at me.

Why does it upset you so much that your MIL wants to spend time with your daughter? You are lucky that she wants a relationship with her, many young couples don't have the luxury of having a night out together or time to themselves to just chill and enjoy one another's company. A grandma/granddaughter relationship is very special, my two granddaughters bring me so much joy. I hope that you can see this from your MIL's and daughter's point of view and let them have time together occasionally, it benefits everyone in the long run.

Snap at her. That sorry of behaviour would drive me mad. She needs telling that at the moment there's no sleepovers on the horizon and please stop asking